Question

Just want some feedback on a book I'm writing.
(Obviously requires nothing school related.)

Answer 1

I guess I’m just curious on something. Please read this small part of the book I’m writing.

I understand that you’d have to know what was going on before this to understand the story, but that’s not what I’m looking for. I want to know what you guys think on the character interaction. I tried really delving into each character’s personality and philosophy, and how they conflict with others.

Since this is the first time these two characters meet, (Well, at least talk, they ‘met’ earlier that day…), you shouldn’t have to know any of their background or anything yet.

Also, the two characters names are pronounced Valsea, (VAL-say-uh), and Emyrys, (EM-i-ris).




Valsea awoke, finally regaining conscientious after the entire day, her head throbbing from her fall. Looking around, Emyrys had already set up camp for the night. She was lying down, her head resting against her bundled-up coat. Valsea could see her unnerving silver eyes clearly. On a second glance, she saw a small line of blood dripping from the corner of Emyrys’ mouth. Emyrys looked over to her.

“Finally awake?...It’s been all day.”
“…Since you seem to know so much about me, you should know why.”
“…Wait, you don’t…”

Emyrys burst out laughing. At this point Valsea was convinced Emyrys was insane, and, in a way, she wasn’t far off in that. She scooted back, trying to stay as far away from her as possible.

“…You really don’t remember me?...Not at all?...”
“No, no I do not.”
“Oh, well then, we best keep it that way.”
“You’ve taken me away from everything I’ve ever known, and you won’t even give a name?”

Emyrys stood up, facing her.

“And would a name bring your mind to ease?...Would a name bring your soldiers back?...”

Valsea looked away, partly in shame of what happened to her guard, mainly in disgust of Emyrys.

“…You don’t truly care who I am. You just want pins on everything...You just want to know who to hate who to love, not even thinking for yourself if they’re right or wrong…as long as they’re tagged that way, you just accept it as fact…easier to kill that way I suppose…you think it’s ‘justified’, don’t you?…”

Valsea tried standing up to her.

“…If they’re evil, they deserve it, they deserve nothing less than justice be brought to them.”
“Evil?...There exists no such thing…such a hollow concept…You consider evil anyone corrupt, wrong…but if one used the death of a man, the theft of someone’s fortune, the freedom of a criminal…if one used any of those things, to save a village?...Hmm?...Would it be ‘evil’ then?...How much would it take? A village? A city? A kingdom?...”
“..It…It’s not the act, and what good it could do…it’s the principal of it, you can’t just-“
“You’d let a city burn, just to keep a sense of purity?...What purity is to be found in that…”




There are two things I want to hear from any of you on, as I said above, what do you think of the character interaction? And what roles do you think these two characters play into? As in, how important are they, hero or villain, etc. Just please be specific in your replies, thanks in advance.
@lostintime

Answer 2

Alright I feel like I can just dive in without any formal introduction so let's begin.
For starters the names are beautiful. You also picked a wonderful excerpt to be examined.
So for the character interaction, wow that is amazing. It honestly feels like I can transport myself into there and picture how these two characters interact. It's well written and not forced.
As for what roles honestly Valsea seems like a hero while Emyrys seems like an anti-hero. He seems a little off but just not villainous. I can even imagine those two have some love-hate relationship later on. These two also seem very important to the story and maybe even to each other. :)

Answer 3

WOW thats great keep writing

Answer 4

@lostintime I'm glad to hear the names are good, since I tend to go a little crazy over names, making sure the meaning and sound of them work for the character.

So, you said 'Emyrys seems like an anti-hero. He seems a little off but just not villainous.'
Umm, Emyrys is a woman...Sorry if a few lines made that unclear. (or was that a typo?)

It's a little relieving hearing neither of them sound like villains. I tried making none of the characters, (In the entire book really, not just these two), just villains, being 'evil' just for the sake of being so. Every character only does what they think is right, from their perspective, even if something like this happens because of it.

The thought of Emyrys being an anti-hero is kind of strange to me, just from a writer's perspective. She's actually the main character.

Answer 5

@adelyn_helps I certainly had no intention of stopping.

Answer 6

Hello! First off, from one author to another, I love the concept you have here. The names are amazing, I love unique names in stories! I always try and pick unique ones, some of mine are Tamah and Haelan :)

Emyrys is my favorite! I adore her little speech at the end on "evil" and the concept. Without any context, I can pick up on Valsea having a black-and-white view of good and evil. Maybe Emyrys will change that for her? I enjoyed the interaction, though it seems just a /little/ flat. I'd give it a little more time before Valsea dubs Emyrys insane, since she barely knows her. All she did was hear her laugh and say a few words, and decided she was crazy? Maybe place that deduction a little further into the scene. I would also exchange a few of your "..." with simple periods or other punctuation, so it doesn't seem as long-winded and wordy. Just suggestions, though! It's really quite good! The characters both feel like they're going to be imperfect heroes, which I love seeing in other's writing instead of heroes who always do the right thing and have no faults. I'd love to read more :)

Answer 7

WoW >3

Answer 8

@rowbe98 I get what you mean with Valsea's view on Emyrys, thinking she's insane. I meant to make her feel judgmental and maybe a little single-minded, but reading through it again, (and the small part between them before this), I agree that it does feel a little soon. I'll see what I can re-work tomorrow.

Sometimes I think I try too hard to make my characters imperfect, and they instead become useless or moral-less, so It's good to hear at least these two are fine.

I'm glad you liked the names! I think I spend a little too much time trying to think of them though. Most of them aren't even just one name. One of my others for example, is Moroeta Suiathon. The individual words being, Mor, Oeta, Sui, and Athon. The finished name meaning 'Mother of Sunken Law'.

Answer 9

Oh, I already gave lostintime a medal, so to anyone that reads this, do me a favor and give rowbe one for me.

Answer 10

@Shards-of-a-Soul Damn I honestly didn't even notice I put "he". O.O Also there's tons of main characters out their that are anti-heroes. For example, John Constantine from the Hellblazer comics. He's not a hero nor a villain, he's an anti-hero.
From a writer (me lol), I honestly prefer for the MC to be a hero. I have written stories were the MC is a villain and were the MC is an anti-hero but when the MC is a hero it just makes me feel more connected but I do like experimenting.