Question

Feedback on my poem? I'm rubbish at poetry, so critique would be lovely :)

Answer 1

Alone

On barren soil, I stood my ground,
Pale and hot and weary.
Men and soldiers stood around
Me, tired and teary.

With weakened arms, I raised the banner,
As a sign for all,
That we were not defeated yet,
Come now, come stand tall.

My friends turned from me,
And started to walk away,
I cried out for them to stay, not flee,
But they did not obey.

My mind grew fearful, my feet flew swift,
I reached out for one’s arm.
My hand passed right through it, though
Much to my alarm.

Distraught, I looked down on my craft,
Expecting my gleaming armor there.
Instead I found an arrow shaft,
Piercing my chest in a clothing tear.

Realization hit me like a sword;
I am alone, they cannot see me.
I am dead, just a ghost.
No one can hear my hapless plea.

Looking up into the coming storm,
I saw men carrying my lifeless load.
They walked right through my wispy form,
Down the trodden road.

I yelled, I screamed, I ran about,
Wishing to help them fend
For themselves in their quick escape,
Of the coming end.

Helpless, I stopped and watched them go,
Looking back fearfully,
Knowing well who watched them so,
And followed them so fearlessly.

My army, defeated, with no lead,
walk the long road home.
Fearing for the worst, I dread them
Living on alone.

Answer 2

:) I like it, it's pretty good.

Answer 3

I write lots of poetry, except I am terrible at making it rhyme and sound good at the same time, yours was very well written. It has a nice flow to it.

Answer 4

Thank you! :) @poppopopop @mackenziesweeney

Answer 5

This is a lovely piece of work! I enjoyed reading it and it certainly did not seem rubbish at all. A work so beautiful can never be deemed rubbish :)

Answer 6

Ah, thank you! I enjoyed writing it but was uncertain about the outcome, so I'm glad someone liked it :) @Mojo18