Question

Chapter 1 The Nightmare

Answer 1

"Savannah. Savannah we're coming back. Don't worry about us we love you." My mother holds my eight year old face up to hers. My dad stands behind her. They know I'm worried. They wouldn't even tell me where they are going. I begged them not to go. I don't know how I knew, but I knew that something was going to happen. Something that would alter everything about me.

"You'll be okay," my father says. "We'll be back before you can say 'potato'. Okay?" Mom lets go of my face and gets in the car. Dad gives me a hug and follows after her. I tried to go after them but my nanny held me back. Just before my father turns the car on I see a figure in a black car that's right across the street from my parents. They have blue eyes. Deep blue eyes. Like the ocean. They're holding a gun before I can even process any of it I hear four gunshots go off and I see blood. One bullet hits my mom in the chest. Another, my mother's head. Another, my father's arm. Another, my father's heart. There's blood everywhere, but I can't look away. Shortly after I remember the ambulance being there but I didn't hear the sirens. The nanny picks me up. Just before we walk in the house I look back and whisper one word. Only one. But the most important one of my life as I see my mother and father being inserted into the ambulance.

"Potato" and then I start screaming.

I'm screaming. The sheets are strangling me. I can't breathe. I throw them off of me and start crying. It happened eight years ago and I still can't sleep since that day.

Answer 2

So far so good.

But one rule of writing is never share a work in progress. You'll get too many opinions. Unless it's episodic, share it when it's complete.

Answer 3

It seems good enough, looks like a nice beginning for a great adventure novel, but the question now is, do you know what to do next? If this is the beginning for a novel it doesn't do to just have a slight plan of what you want to do, because then things can get lost in the middle and you might loose interest, ending up with a half finished mess. I t is always a good idea to try and write an outline. But if you've done that already then go ahead, it seems interesting enough, if this was written in the back of a book I would definitely buy it.

Answer 4

Your grammar is really good! :D

Answer 5

thank you guys!

Answer 6

pretty cool so far keep up the good work and continue writing :D

Answer 7

thank you :) umm i have 7 chapters done on watt pad :)

Answer 8

@sweetburger