Question

Plz tell me how the first chapter of my story is

Answer 1

The day started like any other with the sun shining and birds singing. The wind blew through the trees as if it haven't had a care in the world. Midmorning joggers were already up and about on their daily rotuine; men kissed their wives goodbye before leaving for work. Dogs greeted the mailman as he came to deliver the morning paper. Yup, everything was perfect... but there on the street at house '578' was a moving truck. Nobody paid attention to the busy workers as they packed the truck with boxes.
A women was telling the workers to be carefull with loading the boxes and if they needed anything such as drinks or maybe breakfest. Leanding on a tree alone away from the workers, truck , and the women was a boy who just turned 17, he watched silently , as the workers walked back and forward from the truck and he hated them even if they didn't do anything to him. Not knowing they were moving the last of his stuff from his house...his home, and for that he hated them. The women waved at him to come over.
He growled as he pushed off the tree and walked over the her; his black hair swaying in the morning wind. He pushed it out of his light green eyes as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. To him it made no sence at all to move just 'cause his father decided to abandon them; to him it was a waste of time to pack up the whole house and move if his dad had move away himself.
He let out a sigh as he reached her.
"Hey hon, how bout you help the movers get the rest of the stuff." She said to him before walking back into the house to see over the rest.
He growled and stared at her back before actually moving to help the men. One of them, an older man, smiled as he came closer.
"Hey bud, how 'bout helping me with this box?"
"Fine, why not?" He said finding his voice.
He help the older man lift a box full of what he thought was maybe dishes. The sound of glasses busting against other told him he was right. When it came to lifting it into the truck, he had to lift the most cause he sure knew that the old man was barely lifting but he didn't mind. The old man needed a break as far as he was concern. After the box was in the truck he ran his hand through his hair. The old man sat on the back of the truck as other worker looked at him with envy -- they wanted to sit and relax too-- but they were on a job.
"Hey bud, how you feel about moving?" The old man asked him.
He growled. He hated having to move.
The old man had heard the growl even if it wasn't loud enought for anyone to hear. He placed his hand on the boy's back.
"Moving may be good for you, son."
When he turned to look at the man he was just smiling. He was 'bout to say something to wipe that smile off his face when the women came back calling him.
"Time to go, Knight."
He sighed, dreading this moment but he stood up and walked to the car. The old man waved and yelled, "Remember what I said!"
That moving may be good for him? He silently laughed, like moving would be good for him. Moving was the last thing that he wanted -- more less be good for him.

Answer 2

it's kind of a draft

Answer 3

its great

Answer 4

ty @errinss

Answer 5

no prob

Answer 6

i'm running outta ideas already lol i'm only on 4th chap

Answer 7

lol

Answer 8

my mistake i meant 5th i just recounted

Answer 9

lol XD

Answer 10

i'm tempting to post the other four chaps and see what everyone thinks about all of it (at the moment

Answer 11

should i? @errinss

Answer 12

yea i think you should we could help you with ideas especially if we know what the rest of your story says lol

Answer 13

lol ok

Answer 14

Meeting Claire
Chapter two
---Two weeks later---
“Hurry or you’ll be late!” called his mother's voice from the bottom of the stairs.
“Today of all days, you want to be on time.”
If he had known what that day would bring, he would have stayed in bed.
The sun was warm on his back as he raced toward the waiting yellow school bus. Other kids stared at him and whispered as like he couldn't hear them. He shot them a growl and they moved away.
As he nestled into the worn leather seat, he was greeted by the friendly voices of other excited students. The look on his face was one of confidence and contentment. With a jerk, the bus rumbled down the road and he was on his way into one of the worst days of his life...as he put it anyway.
After coming to a stop, kids rushed to get off the school bus. Shoving and smashing into each other all in a haste to get off, Knight was the last one but when he moved someone gripped him by the arm. Growling he quicky turned around to see who was messing with him, he stop when he realized it was just the bus driver.
"Have a good time and don't allow anyone to mess with you, kid." He said before releasing him and waving his hand to show him to get off the bus. The guy didn't need to say anything to him really because he already wasn't going to allow anyone to mess with him.
He plugged in his headphones and jumped off the bus, backpack swinging against his back. Kids moved to get out of his way as he walked, others ---mostly the older ones-- stood and stared at him as if he were walking death row. Opening the door to the princial office the kids began whispering to others. He walked to the front desk, a women that look like she was 30 or so looked up.
"May I help you?" She asked.
"Name's Knight, I'm new here." He hated this already.
She looked a him, eyeing his light brown hair, and blue eyes. Then she seem to remember her job and replied.
"Yes, of course. Claire, please come here." She waved to a girl who had been sitting on a bench nearby.
The girl had long blonde that fell and swayed as she moved, her light green color eyes drifted over to him as she looked back bewteen the women at the desk and him. Right when he was sure the women was going to call her again the girl, Claire, stood up and walked over, her hair flowing around her face.
"Claire this is Knight. Knight this is Claire. She'll be showing around for the next couple of days."
Claire looked at the women as like the women had just drafted her for war. Claire sighed than spoke.
"'kay, I'll show him around but only for a little while cause i got to practice for try outs." Claire flicked her hair so that it would stay out of her eyes.
"Come on, Knight." She called out before pushing through the doors that lead out to the hallway. Silently he followed. Maybe today wouldn't be that bad, he thought. Oh how he was wrong.

Answer 15

wow OoO its just GREAT

Answer 16

lol thanks btw i could help you with your story too if ya wanted

Answer 17

Im only on the first sentence lol

Answer 18

havent had enough inspiration lately

Answer 19

lol that's cool i could help, what type of story are you planning to do?

Answer 20

romantic fantasy

Answer 21

ok i could help out with this. which point of veiw?

Answer 22

gurl? guy? third?

Answer 23

good job

Answer 24

1st person but it goes back and forth from each main character

Answer 25

ty @RAINBOWDASHROCKS and ok @errinss

Answer 26

got any names for the two love birds? lol

Answer 27

yea
Trevor and Lacy

Answer 28

Dove and Mason

Answer 29

ooo Mason can be Lacy's Ex

Answer 30

lol

Answer 31

lol

Answer 32

oh nice. can you give a description of the story, lol i can't spell today i'm counting on spell check

Answer 33

lol

Answer 34

brb

Answer 35

ok