Question

Is anyone willing to give me some feedback on what I've got for my story so far? Any feedback is greatly appreciated. :)

Answer 1

Vell Iaur a Valara

In a land where the Elves reside, each day is illuminated by a sky of lovely yellow and orange hues. The sun's rays shine down upon the ever so clear and calm waters, creating crystalline waters of a gorgeous orange hue. The sands of the beaches are created from translucent diamonds, so finely weathered that the clear stones have become smooth. The grasses here are long, fluffy, and white, and the trees- oh, the trees! The trees are ever so tall and silver, with ivory leaves stemming off of the branches that curl around the tree to eventually reach out toward the sun. The leaves sparkle rainbow light like prisms in the sunlight, filling the land with such magnificent hues. The wildlife here all have one thing in common; a fluffy ivory pelt. This is a land filled with impeccably breathtaking scenery. This land is known as Vell Iaur a Valara- translated from Elvish to mean "The Land of Angels." However, The Land of Angels and the Angels of Light are in imminent danger as the Angels of Death are gradually destroying the lands with disastrous power. Today, Lynnea, Queen of Vell Iaur a Valara, will be meeting at a private tea party with Sinthe, a Master Mage, in order to come up with a plan to combat the destruction that the Angels of Death are causing. The two marvelous women meet in a secluded area, far into the forests. They bow down to each other as a greeting, and seat themselves at the table. Lynnea starts the conversation with a greeting, "Ah Sinthe, it has been so long since we have last spoken. Here we are now in such somber times, to sip tea and converse of somber things." Sinthe replies, "Much time has indeed passed, and our days have indeed become more and more somber. I have a proposal to make though, a recipe for a potion that will reverse all of the damage the Angels of Death have caused." The two shared their knowledge concerning the ingredients and where to find them, and wrote up a map for quest that the Angels of Light will journey upon. Nearby, a Carshanne bird yells out a loud shriek, and then flies away, leaving a mysterious and eerie vibe. The two Elven women hug and part ways, Sinthe to go ready the vials and mixing pots for the potion, and Lynnea to propose the quest upon the most trusted of the Angels of Light. The Carshanne bird flies away with great speed and urgency, carrying the information of the quest and the potion to the Queen of the Angels of Death, Chath. The Carshanne bird then makes its way to Chath's castle. This castle is built with the limbs of burnt, dead trees and the bones of deceased fauna. Fiery torches blaze with light of orange, red, and blue hues, leading down an eerie path to the castle's main door. The grass all around this castle is burnt, leaving nothing but a blackened ground. The Carshanne bird flies in through one of the castle's high windows, straight into the room where Chath resides. The Carshanne bird then transforms into a middle-aged Elven man, his hair long and black and his face pale and wrinkled. He whispers information about the quest and potion into Chath's ear, then Chath screams out a chilling scream that echoes across the land like a war call. This is where the battle begins, this is the beginning of Vall Kaldar a Vall Valara (the War of the Angels).

Meanwhile, Lynnea arrives back to her castle and sends the servants out to gather the best men for the new quest. It was only a few hours later when the men arrived. The men lined up, each standing to the left side of the other in the careful order that follows; Adrashtai, Sleanra, Lorethven, Drozun, Iraksu, and Oriens. Adrashtai is a tall and attractive young Elven man. He's got medium-length hair that is of white and silvery tones and looks as if it were as smooth as silk. His skin is a perfect ivory tone, and he's a slim but muscular guy. Adrashtai is a highly-skilled Paladin, and he's always prepared to fight for what's right and to always remain victorious. His personality is of honesty, kindness, and valor. Adrashtai cares for all whom are of the Light (the Angels of Light), and Adrashtai is Queen Lynnea's most favored Paladin of all the land. For these reasons, Adrashtai was chosen to lead the group through this dangerous quest. Next, we have Sleanra. Sleanra is a younger Elven male, about 16 years of age. He has long, straight blonde hair and an ivory skin tone. He's muscular for his age, but that is no surprise, as he's a trained Warrior. Lorethven is a young Elven male, aged at about twenty-two. He has short, spiky hair, green in hue. He's got ivory skin, as do the others, and he's a skilled Healer. He uses knowledge of nature in his profession and he knows healing spells that will help his colleagues throughout their quest. Drozun is an older Dwarven male, a short and very buff man indeed. Drozun is a skilled Survivor, so he knows nature's elements well and he knows which berries can be eaten and which cannot. He's a wonderful chef, as well. Iraksu is a young Elven male, tall and powerful. His hair is a medium length, straight and vibrant with hues of whites, silvers, and blues. Iraksu is a master of the elements, and can use various spells to control natures elements and to use the various elements as weapons or as aids to help their journey. Lastly, we have Oriens. Oriens is an elderly Elven male, possessing many years of experience and wisdom. Oriens has long, straight white hair and walks with a beautifully carved staff that he holds himself up with in his right hand. He brings words of encouragement and wisdom to the group, which will soon enough prove to be well-needed. The men stand in line before the long, white marble stairs that lead to Lynnea's castle. Around them surround several large cherry blossom trees, all white of hue. Now is the time for Lynnea to present the quest upon the men. Lynnea walks gracefully down the marble stairs, then stops at a platform that lies just before the last small flight of stairs (about 4 feet above the men). Lynnea speaks, "Sahla (greetings). I have brought each of you here for a very specific and urgent reason. I propose to you what is perhaps the most important quest in our history, a quest that will put an end to Chath and the Angels of Death and to reverse all of the damage that they have caused. Here, inscribed within this paper are ingredients that must be gathered from the dark forests. These ingredients are crucial to the potion that Sinthe will be concocting. The ingredients will not be easy to find, nor to gather, so that is why I have chosen each of you. Each of you are highly skilled and honored by all of the Light (the Angels of Light). I know that this is a lot to ask of you all, but the end is ever near, and as each minute passes, our end presses ever closer. I propose this quest upon each of you, and I ask that you each work together as a united group to gather these ingredients and restore our future. Do you accept?" Each of the men nodded in agreement and followed with a united "Yes!" The quest has now begun.

Answer 2

Also, I'm sorry that it is so long.

Answer 3

Wow! Amazing. Very nicely done and detailed. I love it.

Answer 4

I love it, the only thing I would do is change the use of "guy" in this section to man or male to fit with the rest of the phrasing in the story and the semi-formal prose

Adrashtai is a tall and attractive young Elven man. He's got medium-length hair that is of white and silvery tones and looks as if it were as smooth as silk. His skin is a perfect ivory tone, and he's a slim but muscular guy.

Answer 5

MO*HAflutterER SUSPEND MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Answer 6

THIS IS WRITTEN SO WELL. *o*

Answer 7

Thanks everyone! :)