Question

Can someone plz check part of my story? Let me know if there are any problems or should i change somethings

Answer 1

It's was only 6:45 when he reached the bus stop, he had 'bout nearly an hour before it would be flooded with kids all waiting for the bus, chatting and texting. He dropped his backpack to the ground and lean against a tree nearby; he pulled out his phone and looked through his text messages and missed phone calls. He smiled as he seen one from his best friend, Trevor, he clicked on it and listen as Trevor's rough voice filled the air.
"Hey dude, you havn't called yet. Just wondering if they forced ya to keep busy and you forgot to call your old pal. Anyway I really don't have much time to leave you a long message, you know, I got class in a moment..."
Knight waited for trevor to say something like, 'they caught me this time' or 'they promised to chain me to the desk'. Anything that would sound like Trevor. It didn't come.
"Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Trevor, old pal, you're at school?" He heard Trevor laugh.
"Anyway I'm not here to turn goody goody, you see, there's been this new girl here since you left. Man, she's hot..." He heard a loud rining in the background then, "ok, dude, I got to go, class is starting. Call your pal back sometime."
Knight shook his head as his friend's voice cut out, it was just like Trevor to find a girl and call to check if they kept him on lockdown. He looked at the time and decided that it wasn't too early to call Trevor back, even if he had left that message nearly three days ago. Besides he could just say they did keep him on lockdown and he hasn't been able to use his phone. He dailed Trevor's phone number and waited.
"Dude! You're alive!"
Knight laughed as his friend had asnwered.
"Dude, what's up? Been busy? A little too busy?" Trevor asked sounding like he was waiting for a 'sorry, dude, yeah a little too busy'.
He laughed as if he could see Trevor trying to act like he was mad at him but having a smile on his face.
"Nah, dude. It just took some time to enroll in school and things. Then we still have to unpack some things."
"Really? Still unpacking? You know what...who cares? Tell your pal about your new school; anything interesting? Anyone interesting? Don't leave out any details." Trevor warned.
"Well...there's this girl named Claire--"
"Do you like her? Does she like you? Come on tell me." Trevor interputed. Knight laughed again and told him to shut up and let him finish.
"No, I don't like her, heck, I just met her yesterday. She talks to herself, man. Then there's this one guy named Greyson, he's a freak. First he tells me he's Claire's brother but i could tell that was a lie. They look nothing alike; then he drags me out of detention..." he sensed that Trevor had questions but he kept talking, "talking bout this one girl named Katy, who I have no idea who that really is. Maybe the girl from the room when i was in detention, i don't know. So what ya think?"
"........ I think you need to take a breath."
Both of them laughed, Knight started to noticed that more kids were starting to walk towards the bus stop. He looked at the time, nearly 7:15.
"Hey dude, I got to go. I'll give you a call later when I have time."
"'Kay, dude. Don't forget your old pal. Call ya later."
Knight hung up the phone and watched as more kids piled around, he sighed as he watched them. His eyes met light blue eyes, they belong to a girl who blushed when she realized that he was looking. She looks as if I seen her before, Knight thought to himself. She smiled and spoke to the other girls who were around her before she drifted away and came walking towards him.

Answer 2

the only prob with the story is you put "lean" instead of "leaned" otherwise it's pretty good

Answer 3

wow thats amazing

Answer 4

@ayabaya2002 omg I didn't even see that! XD thanks

Answer 5

Wow, awesome story dude. 10/10 ;)