Question

I don't often do this, but here's the lyrics from a song I've been writing. It's a long one. Let me know what you think.

Answer 1

Sorry for any typos.

Choose Carefully

Verse 1:

There was a man who was looking for a path to take
A way to make things clear.
He came to a road with an intriguing sign that said
"Do Not Enter Here"

He questioned why, curiosity ran high
As he searched for a way to get in
And why he chose, no one really knows
But that's where my story begins

He got around the fence no thought of recompense
And got on to the path just fine
The dangers that await and the things at stake
Seemed never to enter his mind

He carried on this way thinkin' it'd be ok
Oblivious to what might occur
He couldn't realize what would be his demise
Because his thinking was all a blur

Chorus:

Oh redeem his soul
From the depths of misery and endless woe
Though he will try, he cannot deny
What will be revealed on the other side

Verse 2:

He went down the path without looking back
Not even a casual glance
And what's worse the curse that came to him first
When he took this terrible chance

The night set in and the cold touched his skin
And helped him to realize his fate
He wanted to go back now and return somehow
But you see it was all too late

Up yonder he could see through the dark of the night
Two vibrant and glowing red eyes
He looked closer to see what this creature could be
But the darkness had it disguised

With cautious steps and quick shortening breaths
He started to make out a face
A long pointy chin and a dirty white grin
Brought to life his fears of this place

Chorus

Verse 3:

He stopped dead in his tracks and nearly collapsed
At the sound of this creatures voice
A whisper a growl that would make your skin crawl
It said, "Now you've got to make a choice"

The creature was standing at a fork in the path
And it gestured first to the right.
It said," This path will take you back where you came from,
But not to your delight"

And he said, "What do you mean not to my delight?"
It said, "I mean exactly what I said."
"The shame the scorn you'll wish you weren't born.
You'll nearly wish you were dead."

Tears welled up in his eyes as he came to realize
The consequence of what he had done.
This creature had spoken and his heart it was broken
And now there was nowhere to run.

Chorus

Maybe out of frustration or fear of humiliation
He said, "Sir, now, what is your name?"
It said, "You don't really need it and the reason you seek it
Is to find someone else to blame."

He continued, "What is this place? Can't it be erased?"
It said, "I thought that you'd never ask."
You want to be forgotten and your choices that were rotten
Then go down this other path."

Then emerged from the wood a man so humble and good
He said, "Son, that would be a mistake.
You see, those people they love you, and the want what's best for you
This is not the road you should take.

Now, let me take the blame, I'd rather soil my good name
Then to have you live in misery."
And with that man I walked and we talked and talked
About this new life I would lead

Chorus (revised):
Oh, he's redeemed my soul
From the depths of misery and endless woe
Now I can try because I can confide
In the man who dwells on the other side.

Answer 2

This is absolutely lovely:) It reads almost like a short story or long poem rather than a song. I am curious to what it would sound like as a song!
Are you looking for critique?

Answer 3

Yeah, it's supposed to be more of a story song. Folk style. Yeah, I'm up for critiquing if it's good.

Answer 4

This is absolutely stunning. U got a great talent with music :)

Answer 5

@tanner23456 oki I shall review it better in the morning xD

Answer 6

OMG I love this song can't wait to hear it played on the radio.

Answer 7

Thanks! I don't know if you'll ever hear it on the radio, but thanks for your support.

Answer 8

no prob its an awesome song

Answer 9

wow amazing!

Answer 10

Thank you!

Answer 11

yup anytime :D

Answer 12

I just finished recording this song. Have a listen if you want.

@wintersuntime
@crazyplum16
@Babynini
@BabeBerry
@GracieBug
@soprano.h.d0816

Thanks for your support. Tell your friends. Here's the link:

https://soundcloud.com/tanner-nelson-193373466/choose-carefully

Answer 13

I love it!

Answer 14

i love it

Answer 15

plz make more!!

Answer 16

Thank you! I should be finished with my debut album by the end of march.

Answer 17

Like me on Facebook please!

https://www.facebook.com/Banjo-Nelson-1046275558769685/

Answer 18

ok when i get home

Answer 19

5 stars dude

Answer 20

Thank you!

Answer 21

very good! :D

Answer 22

AMAZING! Keep it yup! @tanner23456

Answer 23

Thanks!