Question

here's apart of a story i'm working on I need feedback on it to see if there's something i should change, if it's good, or if i should add something
thnxs

Answer 1

Chapter one
The day started like any other with the sun shining and birds singing. The wind blew through the trees as if it hasn’t had a care in the world. Midmorning joggers were already up and about on their daily routine; men kissed their wives’ goodbye before leaving for work. Dogs greeted the mailman as he came to deliver the morning paper. Yup, everything was perfect... but there on the street at house '578' was a moving truck. Nobody paid attention to the busy workers as they packed the truck with boxes.
A women was telling the workers to be careful with loading the boxes and if they needed anything such as drinks or maybe breakfast. Leaning on a tree alone away from the workers, truck, and the women was a boy who just turned 17, he watched silently, as the workers walked back and forward from the truck and he hated them even if they didn't do anything to him. In his hand was a worn out book, a book that he wrote in every day. Everything like secrets to wishes. Not knowing they were moving the last of his stuff from his house...his home, and for that he hated them. The women waved at him to come over.
He growled as he pushed off the tree and walked over the her; his black hair swaying in the morning wind. He pushed it out of his light green eyes as he shoved one of his hands into his jacket pockets while the other carried his book. To him it made no sense at all to move just cause his father decided to abandon them; to him it was a waste of time to pack up the whole house and move if his dad had move away himself.
He let out a sigh as he reached her.
"Hey hon, how about you help the movers get the rest of the stuff." She said to him before walking back into the house to see over the rest.
He growled and stared at her back before actually moving to help the men. One of them, an older man, smiled as he came closer.
"Hey bud, how 'bout helping me with this box?"
"Fine, why not?" He said finding his voice.
He sat his book down on the back of the trailer and then he helped the older man lift a box full of what he thought was maybe dishes. The sound of glasses busting against other told him he was right. When it came to lifting it into the truck, he had to lift the most because he sure knew that the old man was barely lifting but he didn't mind. The old man needed a break as far as he was concern. After the box was in the truck he ran his hand through his hair. The old man sat on the back of the truck as other worker looked at him with envy -- they wanted to sit and relax too-- but they were on a job.
"Hey bud, how you feel about moving?" The old man asked him.
He groaned just thinking about it. He hated having to move. He picked up his book and placed it in his lap. He couldn’t afford to lose it.
The old man had heard the groan even if it wasn't loud enough for anyone to hear. He placed his hand on the boy's back.
"Moving may be good for you, son."
When he turned to look at the man he was just smiling. He was 'bout to say something to wipe that smile off his face when the women came back calling him.
"Time to go, Knight."
He sighed, dreading this moment but he stood up and walked to the car. The old man waved and yelled, "Remember what I said!"
That moving may be good for him? He silently laughed, like moving would be good for him. Moving was the last thing that he wanted -- more less be good for him.

Answer 2

This is good, there is so many ways it could go from here!
@Ray_Masters

Answer 3

@Osgood Thanks btw this is only the first chapter of my story atm i'm working on the tenth chapter

Answer 4

hey there, i would love to ive you some feedback! in return would you be willing to give some feedback upon some of my own writing?

Answer 5

Yea sure @residentevil3000 i'd love to

Answer 6

@residentevilr3000

Answer 7

this is fiction?

Answer 8

Yea it is, i'm not really good with nonfiction @BigDreams

Answer 9

i'm like halfway through and i already like it :3

Answer 10

Thanks :D there more to it but i just wanted to see if the beginning would catch the reader's attention.

Answer 11

i love this book xD. you made a few typos but everything else seems really interesting .

Answer 12

Thanks! if you want to read more, i have it posted on Qoutev.com under His book of secrets.

Answer 13

ill check it out c:

Answer 14

if you can't find it look up 'Mystogan' and it should have this picture i'm using right now

Answer 15

okay, thanks cx.

Answer 16

mp i'm going to get back to writing this new chapter

Answer 17

Cool! I like it!

Answer 18

Awesome! :D @JoannThomas

Answer 19

Np! :)

Answer 20

hey there @raymasters.
You can either post this on wattpad, which would be pretty cool. Or mayb continue posting it many people can see. I enjoy it already, nice strcture or your sentences, and nice grammar. It instantly draws in the reader. So good job!