Question

the sun is shining
over there
where the grass grows where
the trees are
i was with u that day
than you where gone
just with a gun shot
i was crying forever by you
someone hated you an me together
so they did something about it
now that it has been a couple months later i know who did it
it was the one i like now
oooooh i was broken so broken
i visit you every day at your grave sayin i love u...i love u

hey ok so this is a true story about what happen so plz tell me if u like it its hard to ssing bc of crying so just try it with diffrent vocals

Answer 1

Hey there. I think it has potential, but it does not rhyme. It does not have a pattern to it. Not all songs need to rhyme but there needs to be an obvious pattern to it, even with just reading it you can usually pick up the rhythm of the song. It is a good story, now you just need to re-write it with different words and such so that you have a slightly more poetic song.