Question

Hey, I haven't done something in a while and just dug out something I wrote ages ago...maybe a year ago? I made some adjustments to it and it's a short story kind of? Any who, I'd love your feedback whether it's a simple this is cool to full out constructive criticism. Thanks! ^_^

Answer 1

I trusted them with my life, my body, my soul, my HEART. In the end I just got what I deserved for being ignorant of my surroundings. What happened? Well people think I'm dead that I've been dead...forever almost to the point where I never existed. They're wrong, I'm very much alive I'm with them always. I know what they do, what they plan on doing, and what they've done. You may think I'm a stalker, but no that's wrong too. How I died? They ended my life, my body turned to ashes, my soul was lost never to be found again, and it happened because they ripped out my heart and burned it. Yes, that had to hurt. That last part didn't actually happen, but it happened emotionally. The rest of it was true, of what happened to me. I was betrayed. No, more like I knew who I was with but I thought nothing of it. It's my fault that I do not have a life, body, soul, or a heart now. I was a real person like you but when I died, I lived. Yes, I know you don't understand all that I'm telling you, but honestly it's pretty hard to take in. I actually died, I had a life, a body, a soul, and most importantly a heart. When I died I my final thought was
'Everyone don't make my mistake.'
After, I was everywhere, I saw the world which has always been my dream. Then I saw how UGLY the world is. So I decided to do something. I went into everyone's mind and decided to never leave. I explored and learned. Yes, going into someone's mind can be scary being able to know that person's thoughts and everything, I mean everything about that person. I was with every person from birth to death even when someone dies, I am unharmed. Everyone in the world had always believed that I was there, but I wasn't. Later on in the world I was named. I was known as the little voice in your head. Even later on I became your conscience. Please listen to me, your life may depend on it. I made sure or tried to make sure that no one would make my mistake.
'That no one was in with the wrong crowd or with the wrong people.'

Answer 2

@CandyCove @Decarr432 @Hauntedwoodsgal @Keigh2015 @Pinkybottom67 @Qwertty123 @RhondaSommer @tootzrll @soprano.h.d0816 @Atsie @SamsungFanBoy @the_ocean_girl @Wendy.Ivette11714 @YoungStudier @Osgood @ScarlettFarra2000 @AmberlynnMaxwell

Answer 3

i love it!

Answer 4

*^* ooooooo, very interesting ^.^

Answer 5

It's good really interesting

Answer 6

This is so interesting its actually scary! But what makes it scary is how literal and how real it is. How it makes one realize what is already naturally instilled inside of them and how they cannot shed it, make it go away, and neither can they take away the pain it brings in times of guilt and misdemeanors.
I really love the way you started it off with the spooky aspect of a being in pretense of already dead in every aspect but very alive in every person breathing.
I truly have a lot more respect for you as a writer after reading this because of seeing how deep your capable of thinking, and how wonderfully detailed your words can weave themselves into something really interesting and special which intended would be like nothing else that anyone else can bring into this world.
I highly encourage you to try to write more like this about anything that comes to mind. I loved reading it! ^o^ @Ghostelle

Answer 7

Thank you so much @Atsie for you feedback :) I didn't know how people would respond to something like this and I shared it with a few of my friend's and they said it was stupid ^_^ so it was nice reading what you wrote. And I'll definitely keep in mind of how to write more things like this in a way. Thanks again....also I look forward to reading your poems/writing/epiccreativeness every day whether I've read it or not :D

Answer 8

You're welcome @Ghostelle and thank you for your outpouring support! :)

Answer 9

Amazing! Definitely 100% worthy. :)