Question

@wwhitlock

Answer 1

You called

Answer 2

u answered

Answer 3

reading

Answer 4

ill be here

Answer 5

good start. I can see the structure is there. But there are leaks.
Thoughts: the graph about political structure is the best written..
Some vague words like numerous, mostly, vast, immense etc... either cut them out or choose more definite words. ex. the blah, blah is similar but they differ in two important ways. "
You've got the right idea with the question to begin intro. however, too general. You aren't writing about all of ancient civilization. Keep everything with just your 2. No Indus, Egypt or others.
That fuzzy focus bleed over to bodygraph 1. Just Shang and just sumerian. (oh yeah, Is it Sumerian or all mesopotamian civilizations. Probably just Sumarian. Use that word. More precise.)
I get lost when you go to the Hebrews religon via the Hammerubi code. Polytheism infulences monotheism? That may be what you got from the source but I got lost reading. Couldn't figure out the connection. Either lose the Hebrews altogether or make the connection clear.
Last graph: First sentence is classic high school kid vague. You aren't really saying anything with it. Get decicive. " Two societies that seem so different are really quite similar. Then restate to prove your point.
Pictographs in the conclusion? Don't put important new information in the conclusion. I should already know what you are talking about by the time I'm at the conclusion.

Hope this helps. I'm off for a bit. I'll check back later.

Answer 6

its supposed to compare and contrast mesopotamia and shang @wwhitlock

Answer 7

i will try to revise it and show u after