Question

I wrote a short story and put it on Wattpad. Feedback please?

Answer 1

Forever and Always:
Ryan collected postcards. It was one of his many quirks that made me love him more. One of mine was my obsession with Hazel and Gus's love story in The Fault in Our Stars. Only now am I realizing how much that story has transformed into my life. In fact, he called me Gwen Parker because of it.
I loved him for it.
I remember when I first found out he had died, I didn't cry. I just couldn't believe he was gone. Like a zit you've had forever. You just can't believe you don't have it anymore.
I just compared my boyfriend to a zit.
The last time I saw him was at the Spring Fling. We had danced until our feet were swollen. Yes, they were swollen. Then we kicked off our shoes and walked barefoot across the sand, hand in hand. Someone had dug a large hole in the sand and when the waves came, it filled with water. So naturally, I accidently walked into it. He had pulled me out then given me his sweatshirt.
I loved him for that too.
When we first met, I was sitting on top of a shack. No, really. I was on the beach, then I got tired of being with my idiot friends while they flirt with the idiotic guys. I walked off and found myself on top of the surf shack. Then Ryan walked by with his friends. "Well, what have we here?" He said. But not in a flirty way. A humorous way.
"My friends are idiots." I responded calmly, not budging from my spot. I crossed my feet at the ankles. Ryan chuckled and shot me the grin that made me melt on the spot. That's when I knew he was mine. This is the boy I'm supposed to be with. Instead of urging me to come down like any other boy flirting with a girl would've done, he asked to come up and sit with me for a while. Surprised, I said,"Sure."
His friends had already ditched him. "Man, has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?" Ryan had told me. Whenever I brought it up around him he'd smile and point to me.
"Well, have you seen yourself? You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen! The love of my life! But those eyes are what caught my attention in the first place." He'd say, cupping my chin in his hand. "Those baby blues are a huge part of you."
"I wouldn't trade them for the world if that means keeping you." I'd answer, tugging him into a hug.
"I'm not going anywhere." He'd mutter into my hair.
Tears form at the memory, and a stab to my heart comes. I wince. In science class on day, my teacher showed us a picture of a heart. Girls had squealed and looked away. Boys had laughed. I was silent. Entranced. I remember being told that the heart is the strongest artery in the body. But it looked so delicate at the time.
Now my heart is slowly healing from its test of strength. Slowly but surely. I'm going to be fine. I hope.
"Hey Ry. I brought you a present." I say, sitting down next to his grave. I can almost imagine his big green eyes staring back at me. I open the box of candy cola bottles to give to him. "No one likes these except for you. But anyway, today, I had the day off and was at the shack. And they said I spend so much time there, it's practically mine! And then I told them that if it was mine, then I would paint it the color it was before. That day three years ago it was blue and yellow. You remember that? Then they told me that they were sick of green; that they wanted me to paint it again." I smile at the memory of us meeting again then lay back on the soft grass. "What do you think about that?"
And in that moment, I could have sworn I heard his voice from next to me. "What do I think? You should do it without a doubt."
I sat up and looked over, but of course, there wasn't anyone there. And that's what hurt the most. I realized that he was gone. I'm never getting him back. "Pssh. Crying over me? Why waste your time?" I swore I heard his voice again, which made me cry harder.
That was the first time I had cried during this whole time. I hadn't realized I was crying at first. "Ryan, I love you."
And in that moment, I could tell that wherever he was in the universe, he loved me too. "Forever and always." I say.
And I heard his voice respond, "Forever and always, Gwen Parker."

Answer 2

it is a beautiful story for some reason i think the beginning could be different but that's me but other wise great job! RLLY

Answer 3

@inyourdreams03

Answer 4

This stirred emotions within me, thats how beautiful it was @inyourdreams03
Please, I highly encourage you to stick with the thoughts and words that creatively flow from the reality of your mind because you are good at writing and definitely need to always have a pen nearby! <33 I loved this like I said! Keep on writing!

Answer 5

Thank you so much!