Question

Help with my Short Story? :3

Answer 1

Nick, Sione, and I were in the 2nd half of a heated basketball game against the Panthers, the last game of the season. As Nick was dribbling the ball, he tripped over the glassy stadium floor and accidentally twisted his ankle. He had to sit out for a bit while Sione and I played the next duration of the game. The other team was beating us by 5 points! Sione and I were playing but we couldn’t do as good without Nick there. Nick was the backbone of us three. Together, we were like the Three Musketeers, inseparable. Minute by minute the Panthers were scoring and beating us. Before I noticed, they were above us by 10 points! Sione and I felt determined to win, and we focused on getting our heads back in the game and slowly, but surely, we caught up. I kept making three’s on the scoreboard and Sione kept making his lay-ups. Then when Sione attempted one of his lay-ups, he accidentally counter-stepped and miscalculated, and just slightly sprained his ankle, on the same leg that Nick had injured himself. Then it was up to me and my other mates to finish the game. There were 3 minutes left and the score was 35 - 39. Then my team and I caught up, determination running through every teammate as the timer continued. At the last few seconds of the game, I shot the last shot and it went around the rim slowly. Everyone’s jaw dropped as it spun around the rim once, twice, then finally, it went in! We had done it! We won the game against the Panthers! We got the trophy for the season and everyone in the team was jumping excitedly. Sione even joined in despite his hurt leg. While the rest of the team decided to celebrate at a diner, the three of us decided to go to my home since both Nick and Sione needed to recover from the minor injuries. When we came home, we had a nice barbecue and then rested, knowing it was well deserved. The End.

Answer 2

I believe that I need like 142 words more in order for it to be 500 words long.

May someone help me? It has to be turned in before 11:59 Post Meridian PST

Answer 3

@Jamierox4ev3r

Answer 4

Sentence structure seems a bit choppy...also, let's get some more exciting plot details as those will not only lengthen your story, but also add that element of creativity that we need

At the moment, this is a pretty cliché sports story. Which is not bad, but there is definitely room for improvement

Answer 5

I woke up one summer morning and realized that it was game day! I called my buddies up, Nick and Sione. Nick was ready, just as Sione. At first we went to the mall to get a nice fro-yo because it was very hot. We saw some of our friends there and hung out for a couple hours before the game. We went to see the movie, “Fast and Furious 7” because my friends and I were very desperate to see that movie. Considering we were the only ones left in our team that hadn’t watched that movie yet, it was quite embarrassing.

I added that to my introduction.
How is that?

Answer 6

I woke up one summer morning and realized that it was game day! I called my buddies up, Nick and Sione. Nick was ready, just as Sione. At first we went to the mall to get a nice fro-yo because it was very hot. We saw some of our friends there and hung out for a couple hours before the game. We went to see the movie, “Fast and Furious 7” because my friends and I were very desperate to see that movie. Considering we were the only ones left in our team that hadn’t watched that movie yet, it was quite embarrassing. Afterwards, we went to the arcade. My favorite game to play was either the bowling one or the Basketball one. Nick and I versed each other and funny, our scores were tied! We then we went back to our houses to grab our stuff and then we headed over to school. When we went inside, Sione saw his girlfriend and as usual, did all the hugging and kissing nonsense. Nick and I didn’t really care much about relationships because him and I would rather focus on our education first. Then at last, it was go time!

Answer 7

I woke up one summer morning and realized that it was game day! I called my buddies up, Nick and Sione. Nick was ready, just as Sione. At first we went to the mall to get a nice fro-yo because it was very hot. We saw some of our friends there and hung out for a couple hours before the game. We went to see the movie, “Fast and Furious 7” because my friends and I were very desperate to see that movie. Considering we were the only ones left in our team that hadn’t watched that movie yet, it was quite embarrassing. Afterwards, we went to the arcade. My favorite game to play was either the bowling one or the Basketball one. Nick and I versed each other and funny, our scores were tied! We then we went back to our houses to grab our stuff and then we headed over to school. When we went inside, Sione saw his girlfriend and as usual, did all the hugging and kissing nonsense. Nick and I didn’t really care much about relationships because him and I would rather focus on our education first. Then at last, it was go time! Nick, Sione, and I were in the 2nd half of a heated basketball game against the Panthers, the last game of the season. As Nick was dribbling the ball, he tripped over the glassy stadium floor and accidentally twisted his ankle. He had to sit out for a bit while Sione and I played the next duration of the game. The other team was beating us by 5 points! Sione and I were playing but we couldn’t do as good without Nick there. Nick was the backbone of us three. Together, we were like the Three Musketeers, inseparable. Minute by minute the Panthers were scoring and beating us. Before I noticed, they were above us by 10 points! Sione and I felt determined to win, and we focused on getting our heads back in the game and slowly, but surely, we caught up. I kept making three’s on the scoreboard and Sione kept making his lay-ups. Then when Sione attempted one of his lay-ups, he accidentally counter-stepped and miscalculated, and just slightly sprained his ankle, on the same leg that Nick had injured himself. Then it was up to me and my other mates to finish the game. There were 3 minutes left and the score was 35 - 39. Then my team and I caught up, determination running through every teammate as the timer continued. At the last few seconds of the game, I shot the last shot and it went around the rim slowly. Everyone’s jaw dropped as it spun around the rim once, twice, then finally, it went in! We had done it! We won the game against the Panthers! We got the trophy for the season and everyone in the team was jumping excitedly. Sione even joined in despite his hurt leg. While the rest of the team decided to celebrate at a diner, the three of us decided to go to my home since both Nick and Sione needed to recover from the minor injuries. When we came home, we had a nice barbecue and then rested, knowing it was well deserved. The End.

Answer 8

May you count how many words that has? haha \
I'm kinda drained out considering I have been working on this for the past 2 hours. :p

Answer 9

Also, may you check if there are any grammatical errors?
Thanks! :)

Answer 10

Not bad...but if I were you, I'd begin more so in "medias res"

For example:
At hearing the familiar ring of my alarm, I shot up like a bullet being released from a gun with the realization that today was the day of finality, the day that could determine it all; today was the final game of the season!

Answer 11

May I use that sentence you just put? :p

Answer 12

And the extra plot details that you added to the beginning don't necessarily correlate to the main story, it feels like filler to me, in all honesty. Let me see if I can think of more relevant details to add...

and sure! You can :P
Do you see what I did to make your sentences more dynamic?

Answer 13

Yep! It gives more feel to the story.

Answer 14

Can you possibly post what you have of the story right now? I want to see what it looks like right now

Answer 15

At hearing the familiar ring of my alarm, I shot up like a bullet being released from a gun with the realization that today was the day of finality, the day that could determine it all; today was the final game of the season! I called my buddies up, Nick and Sione. Nick was ready, just as Sione. At first we went to the mall to get a nice fro-yo because it was very hot. We saw some of our friends there and hung out for a couple hours before the game. We went to see the movie, “Fast and Furious 7” because my friends and I were very desperate to see that movie. Considering we were the only ones left in our team that hadn’t watched that movie yet, it was quite embarrassing. Afterwards, we went to the arcade. My favorite game to play was either the bowling one or the Basketball one. Nick and I versed each other and funny, our scores were tied! We then we went back to our houses to grab our stuff and then we headed over to school. When we went inside, Sione saw his girlfriend and as usual, did all the hugging and kissing nonsense. Nick and I didn’t really care much about relationships because him and I would rather focus on our education first. Then at last, it was go time! Nick, Sione, and I were in the 2nd half of a heated basketball game against the Panthers, the last game of the season. As Nick was dribbling the ball, he tripped over the glassy stadium floor and accidentally twisted his ankle. He had to sit out for a bit while Sione and I played the next duration of the game. The other team was beating us by 5 points! Sione and I were playing but we couldn’t do as good without Nick there. Nick was the backbone of us three. Together, we were like the Three Musketeers, inseparable. Minute by minute the Panthers were scoring and beating us. Before I noticed, they were above us by 10 points! Sione and I felt determined to win, and we focused on getting our heads back in the game and slowly, but surely, we caught up. I kept making three’s on the scoreboard and Sione kept making his lay-ups. Then when Sione attempted one of his lay-ups, he accidentally counter-stepped and miscalculated, and just slightly sprained his ankle, on the same leg that Nick had injured himself. Then it was up to me and my other mates to finish the game. There were 3 minutes left and the score was 35 - 39. Then my team and I caught up, determination running through every teammate as the timer continued. At the last few seconds of the game, I shot the last shot and it went around the rim slowly. Everyone’s jaw dropped as it spun around the rim once, twice, then finally, it went in! We had done it! We won the game against the Panthers! We got the trophy for the season and everyone in the team was jumping excitedly. Sione even joined in despite his hurt leg. While the rest of the team decided to celebrate at a diner, the three of us decided to go to my home since both Nick and Sione needed to recover from the minor injuries. When we came home, we had a nice barbecue and then rested, knowing it was well deserved. The End.

Answer 16

As I wiped the sleep from my eyes, I called my buddies up, Nick and Sione. Nick was ready, as well as Sione. After splashing my face with some water and eating a quick breakfast, I was all set to meet up with Nick and Sione. At first we went to the mall to get a nice fro-yo because it was very hot. By chance, fro-yo cups in hand, we saw some of our friends there at the mall. So we hung out for a couple hours prior to the game and decided to see the movie, “Fast and Furious 7” because my friends and I really wanted to see that movie. Considering that we were the only ones left in our team that hadn’t watched that movie yet, it was definitely worth going to see; after all, it would be nice to finally understand the movie references that were made during basketball practice. Afterwards, still having time to spare, we all went to the arcade. Personally, my favorite games to play were either Bowling Bout or the Basketball Blitz. Nick and I versed each other and in the end, much to our amusement, our scores were tied! Seeing as we hit high scores on the scoreboard, we saw that as a good omen and left the arcade with wide grins on our faces. We then went back to our houses to grab our stuff and headed over to school. When we entered, we were greeted by some peers, but Sione saw his girlfriend and as usual, hugged and kissed like there was no tomorrow. I shook my head; Nick and I didn’t really care much about relationships because we prioritized our education and athletic careers. "As long as you don't let your girlfriend distract you from what's truly important, that's all that matters," we would say to him repeatedly.

Answer 17

editted the exposition. There were a few details that seemed random and just placed as filler, so I editted them to make them connect.

Answer 18

Don't forget it has to have 500-1000 words.

Answer 19

ye I know

Answer 20

this is literally only the beginning stuff; at this point, the game hasn't even started yet LOL

Answer 21

Ye...
And there is 10 mins left. D:

Answer 22

"Then at last, it was go time! Nick, Sione, and I were in the 2nd half of a heated basketball game against the Panthers, the last game of the season. As Nick was dribbling the ball, he tripped over the glassy stadium floor and accidentally twisted his ankle."

So this is your transition. I would change it to:

At long last, it was go time! Nick, Sione, and I were born ready to face this game and come home victorious!

**Start a new paragraph after this sentence**

The game had been flowing smoothly thus far. As Nick made yet another 3 pointer, I high fived him, thinking to myself, "this game could not possibly be going any better." However, just as we entered the second half of the game, I heard a loud, distinct thud. I cringed; this could not be good at all. I turn and see, to my horror, that Nick is crumpled in the middle of the court, clutching at his ankle.

Answer 23

So thus far, we have:

As I wiped the sleep from my eyes, I called my buddies up, Nick and Sione. Nick was ready, as well as Sione. After splashing my face with some water and eating a quick breakfast, I was all set to meet up with Nick and Sione. At first we went to the mall to get a nice fro-yo because it was very hot. By chance, fro-yo cups in hand, we saw some of our friends there at the mall. So we hung out for a couple hours prior to the game and decided to see the movie, “Fast and Furious 7” because my friends and I really wanted to see that movie. Considering that we were the only ones left in our team that hadn’t watched that movie yet, it was definitely worth going to see; after all, it would be nice to finally understand the movie references that were made during basketball practice. Afterwards, still having time to spare, we all went to the arcade. Personally, my favorite games to play were either Bowling Bout or the Basketball Blitz. Nick and I versed each other and in the end, much to our amusement, our scores were tied! Seeing as we hit high scores on the scoreboard, we saw that as a good omen and left the arcade with wide grins on our faces. We then went back to our houses to grab our stuff and headed over to school. When we entered, we were greeted by some peers, but Sione saw his girlfriend and as usual, hugged and kissed like there was no tomorrow. I shook my head; Nick and I didn’t really care much about relationships because we prioritized our education and athletic careers. "As long as you don't let your girlfriend distract you from what's truly important, that's all that matters," we would say to him repeatedly. At long last, it was go time! Nick, Sione, and I were born ready to face this game and come home victorious!

The game had been flowing smoothly thus far. As Nick made yet another 3 pointer, I high fived him, thinking to myself, "this game could not possibly be going any better." However, just as we entered the second half of the game, I heard a loud, distinct thud. I cringed; this could not be good at all. I turn and see, to my horror, that Nick was crumpled in the middle of the court, clutching at his ankle. A teammate hurriedly tells me that Nick apparently tripped on the glassy stadium floor and twisted his ankle. He had to sit out for a bit while Sione and I played the next duration of the game. The other team was beating us by 5 points! Sione and I were playing but we couldn’t do as good without Nick there. Nick was the backbone of us three. Together, we were like the Three Musketeers, inseparable. Minute by minute the Panthers were scoring and beating us. Before I noticed, they were above us by 10 points! Sione and I felt determined to win, and we focused on getting our heads back in the game and slowly, but surely, we caught up. I kept making three’s on the scoreboard and Sione kept making his lay-ups. Then when Sione attempted one of his lay-ups, he accidentally counter-stepped and miscalculated, and just slightly sprained his ankle, on the same leg that Nick had injured himself. Then it was up to me and my other mates to finish the game. There were 3 minutes left and the score was 35 - 39. Then my team and I caught up, determination running through every teammate as the timer continued. At the last few seconds of the game, I shot the last shot and it went around the rim slowly. Everyone’s jaw dropped as it spun around the rim once, twice, then finally, it went in! We had done it! We won the game against the Panthers! We got the trophy for the season and everyone in the team was jumping excitedly. Sione even joined in despite his hurt leg. While the rest of the team decided to celebrate at a diner, the three of us decided to go to my home since both Nick and Sione needed to recover from the minor injuries. When we came home, we had a nice barbecue and then rested, knowing it was well deserved. The End.

Answer 24

That should be good...let me do a word count real quick for you

Answer 25

736 words! ^.^

Answer 26

Thanks!! :)
I literally saved it then emailed it and etc. to my teacher by 11:58 HAHA
They can't say it was late! :p

THANK YOU SO MUCH, HANAKO! :)

Answer 27

I REALLY REALLY appreciate it!!!
I am forever in your debt! :'D

Answer 28

LOL wow, nice job!

Have you read over it?

Answer 29

Actually doing that now LOL

Answer 30

alrightie then

Answer 31

, “Fast and Furious 7” because my friends and I really wanted to see that movie. Considering that we were the only ones left in our team that hadn’t watched that movie yet, it was definitely worth going to see; after all, it would be nice to finally understand the movie references that were made during basketball practice. Afterwards, still having time to spare, we all went to the arcade. Personally, my favorite games to play were either Bowling Bout or the Basketball Blitz. Nick and I versed each other and in the end, much to our amusement, our scores were tied!

Answer 32

Hold up!!

Answer 33

It wasn't a basketball practice... ahha

Answer 34

I hope the teacher doesn't notice it... loool

Answer 35

wait...the game was basketball though... right? Like the overall game?

Answer 36

Yes, the 'Game'.

Answer 37

oh wait! LOL no that was an added detail!

I added that to say that since all your teammates watched the movie that you would finally understand the references that they made during PAST PRACTICES

Answer 38

that was just me adding a creative detail. Completely intentional, no error on my behalf :P

Answer 39

See what I did there or no?

Answer 40

Ohhh yeee...
Okay and this part. , clutching at his ankle. A teammate hurriedly tells me that Nick apparently tripped on the glassy stadium floor and twisted his ankle. He had to sit out for a bit while Sione and I played the next duration of the game.

Answer 41

Stadium?
We went to School to play lol
it was home vs. guests

Answer 42

I just took what you said verbatim.

You're the one who said stadium e.e

Answer 43

\(\color{#0cbb34}{\text{Originally Posted by}}\) @jabez177
At hearing the familiar ring of my alarm, I shot up like a bullet being released from a gun with the realization that today was the day of finality, the day that could determine it all; today was the final game of the season! I called my buddies up, Nick and Sione. Nick was ready, just as Sione. At first we went to the mall to get a nice fro-yo because it was very hot. We saw some of our friends there and hung out for a couple hours before the game. We went to see the movie, “Fast and Furious 7” because my friends and I were very desperate to see that movie. Considering we were the only ones left in our team that hadn’t watched that movie yet, it was quite embarrassing. Afterwards, we went to the arcade. My favorite game to play was either the bowling one or the Basketball one. Nick and I versed each other and funny, our scores were tied! We then we went back to our houses to grab our stuff and then we headed over to school. When we went inside, Sione saw his girlfriend and as usual, did all the hugging and kissing nonsense. Nick and I didn’t really care much about relationships because him and I would rather focus on our education first. Then at last, it was go time! Nick, Sione, and I were in the 2nd half of a heated basketball game against the Panthers, the last game of the season. As Nick was dribbling the ball, he tripped over the \(\Huge glassy~stadium floor\) and accidentally twisted his ankle. He had to sit out for a bit while Sione and I played the next duration of the game. The other team was beating us by 5 points! Sione and I were playing but we couldn’t do as good without Nick there. Nick was the backbone of us three. Together, we were like the Three Musketeers, inseparable. Minute by minute the Panthers were scoring and beating us. Before I noticed, they were above us by 10 points! Sione and I felt determined to win, and we focused on getting our heads back in the game and slowly, but surely, we caught up. I kept making three’s on the scoreboard and Sione kept making his lay-ups. Then when Sione attempted one of his lay-ups, he accidentally counter-stepped and miscalculated, and just slightly sprained his ankle, on the same leg that Nick had injured himself. Then it was up to me and my other mates to finish the game. There were 3 minutes left and the score was 35 - 39. Then my team and I caught up, determination running through every teammate as the timer continued. At the last few seconds of the game, I shot the last shot and it went around the rim slowly. Everyone’s jaw dropped as it spun around the rim once, twice, then finally, it went in! We had done it! We won the game against the Panthers! We got the trophy for the season and everyone in the team was jumping excitedly. Sione even joined in despite his hurt leg. While the rest of the team decided to celebrate at a diner, the three of us decided to go to my home since both Nick and Sione needed to recover from the minor injuries. When we came home, we had a nice barbecue and then rested, knowing it was well deserved. The End.
\(\color{#0cbb34}{\text{End of Quote}}\)

Answer 44

I did? :/

Ohh... That makes sense... e.e

I dind't do it LOL
It was Lynn!! hahahaha
omgggg haha, it's all good LOL

Hopefully my teacher doesn't go over it letter-by-letter... haha

Answer 45

Lynn?

oh, eclisped star? xD

Answer 46

LOL I was kind of a time crunch for the last part, I should have caught that x.x

Answer 47

Yeeep! haha
She told me before that she's good at English so I asked her help.

Answer 48

but other than that, it's pretty good right? :P

And who knows...what if your school had a super fancy stadium? Could have been a school for wealthy kids LOL

Answer 49

Don't worry. :)
It's also my fault as I didn't proof read it after you modified it. :p

Answer 50

LOL wowwwww hahaha

Answer 51

You, uh, kind of had no time to proof read haha

Answer 52

Honestly I don't feel like your teacher will give you a hard time for small plot details

Answer 53

The bad thing about word document though is that which ever font you copy it off, it will post the story in the EXACT same font
so before that I had to find out how to switch the font to make it lie hahah
otherwise my teacher may think I copied something...

Answer 54

like*

Answer 55

Yeah, I get that feel.

It's not that difficult, but it can throw you in a bit of a tizzy if you haven't dealt with it before

Answer 56

yeeep
You have no idea how relieved I am right now LOL

Like seriously! This was the main thing that was dragging me down.

Answer 57

aye, nice! I actually still have another lab report to write fml LOL it's literally 12:18 am my time... x.x

Answer 58

Yeeep
Thank you so much!
You can get back to your stuff. :p

I wish I could help you but clearly, I have a LONG way to go to catch up to you. haha

Answer 59

haha okay, this was a welcome diversion anyhow :P

Anyhow, see you later!