In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Use correct spelling and grammar.

Question

geminisantos · Answer

Playing in the snow is one of my happiest childhood memories. The winter offers more than a time for kids to have fun. There are many things to do in the snow. It is unfortunate that so many people find the wintertime annoying. More people should step outside to enjoy the snow. I am glad I grew up where it snows.

bear17bear · Answer

Here is my re-write:
One of my happiest childhood memories in playing in the snow. Playing in the snow is just one of the great things winter has to offer. I think it is unfortunate that so many people dislike winter. If more people stepped outside to enjoy winter and the snow there would be less people that dislike winter. I am so glad I grew up in a place that has snow in the winter!