Question

HELP PLEASE :)

Answer 1

so basically i need someone to revise and edit my informational article..

Answer 2

@Vocaloid @pandasurvive @Elsa213 @theDeviliscoming @ThisGirlPretty

Answer 3

Please post your informational article. o:

Answer 4

okie dokie!

Answer 5

Did you know the first video game “Tennis For Two” was invented by William A. Higinbotham as a visitor's display for his laboratory? The revolution of video games have rapidly increased over the years. Although some view it as unhealthy, other would disagree with such statements and say it is a great exercise for the mind. Whichever is right, we can all agree on one thing; that videogames have taken a huge leap into advancement & the tech used to make it all happen could only work with the genius minds of the engineers and programmers that worked on it.
Additionally, The games we play are stored in a small chip, Called a Microprocessor. This Chip is very important to the way to game runs it controls what is shown on the screen and the sound that it will make.This chip can only work if there is Compacted Discs(CD’s) or Digital Video Discs (DVD) which are usually controlled by joysticks, Control pads, and buttons/lever. Without these things, the most common entertainment we use today will never be this advanced. It was just the thoughts and efforts of those men that created what we have today.
Next, other video game developers use these video games as a way to transmit education to its users. Many schools use educational video games to teach students to learn subjects like mathematics, reading, languages, and science. Even the U.S. military uses video games to help troops more efficiently train for combat, and they also use them as therapy for troops that have come back with psychological problems from combat. So we see that video games go beyond your Tv in your living room and it is even used for psychology purposes. Even to the extent that People from the army that came back from combat helps them to recover from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
Third, Many computer games grew out of university and industrial computer laboratories, often as technology demonstrations or after-hours amusements of computer programmers and engineers. In 1962 computer programmers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) created Spacewar!, which began as a demonstration program to show off MIT’s huge PDP-1 minicomputer. Spacewar! spread to other campuses and laboratories as PDPs became more common. So we see that most games came out of universities where countless hours and effort was put into these games whether they were good or not. Thanks to their efforts we are able to play the games we do today.

Answer 6

this is just the intro and 3 body paragraphs... i didn't paste the conclusion..

Answer 7

i mostly need help with the body... the intro is good my teacher said

Answer 8

let me give you guys the revision guide and feedback my teacher gave me so you can see what needs to be added and fixed.

5/5 Introduction
9/10 Body Section 1 (add subheading)
4/10 Body Section 2 (add subheading and evidence to support)
4/10 Body Section 3 (add subheading and evidence to support)
0/10 Signal Phrases
0/5 Direct Quotes
2/10 Transitions
5/5 Technical Language
0/5 Graphic and Link (add)
4/5 Clarity in Writing

Answer 9

a cross through a letter means it needs to be lowercase

Answer 10

ok.. but did u see the feedback my teacher gave me?

Answer 11

yeah I saw that

Answer 12

ok i need to make sure i fix everything in that guide

Answer 13

I'm not exactly sure what they mean by "signal phrases" but the transitions could use a little work. "Next" and "Third" aren't really good transition phrases

Answer 14

ok so in body 1, is everything in there fixed?

Answer 15

"Next" and "Third" implies you are giving directions or stating events that happened in chronological order (which is not the organization of your essay).

Answer 16

I did what I saw was necessary, yes...

Answer 17

like the paragraph u gave me with the revisions, is it all good?the first body didn't need too much work i go a 9/10 it just needed a subheading.. did u add that?

Answer 18

no, I clearly didn't.

Answer 19

what? hehe , I'm confused

Answer 20

If you looked at my editing I didn't add a subheading

Answer 21

oh well, thats what needs to be added

Answer 22

its not an essay though... its an informational article :)

Answer 23

I guess it could be something like "Technological Advances in Video Game Processing and Storage" *** do not copy word-for-word ***

Answer 24

i won't ... but where does the subheading go? and you oddest think thats maybe too long or its just about right?

Answer 25

i mean it sounds good to me..

Answer 26

Right before the paragraph, bolded and left-justified

Answer 27

ok great! u added a subheading but did u add evidence support?

Answer 28

that's your job to do research

Answer 29

if you actually looked at what I wrote you would know what I added or didn't add

Answer 30

i did look i just wanted to double check

Answer 31

btw, this article is about video games lol if u didn't know but I'm sure u did

Answer 32

alrighty! now for whats left to add

0/10 Signal Phrases
0/5 Direct Quotes
5/5 Technical Language
0/5 Graphic and Link (add)
4/5 Clarity in Writing

Answer 33

for direct quotes, look at the sources you used and insert a quote from the source

Answer 34

Graphic and Link will have to be added by you, too...

Answer 35

ok what if u attach the story i had to read to do the article and it will be easier to add the direct quotes..

Answer 36

I'm not doing that for you

Answer 37

so I just googled signal phrases and it's just phrases that introduce a direct quote or source

so it would just be like, "According to ___________, video games 'insert direct quote here'"

Answer 38

hmm... but what do i put in the blank

Answer 39

so your three tasks are:

1. look at your source and find direct quotes. (I am not doing this for you)
2. Insert "signal phrases" to introduce your direct quotes
3. Find a graphic or link from google search/google images/etc.

Answer 40

you put the source in the blank...

Answer 41

example: "According to MIT, "direct quote""

Answer 42

good luck!

Answer 43

but what do i search on google for the link or graphic?

Answer 44

something that is relevant to the article

Answer 45

and i just need one link?

Answer 46

that depends on what your teacher wants, I can't read their mind

Answer 47

lol ok thanks so much for your help! i truly appreciate it :)

Answer 48

I see that Vocal helped you. Need more help??

Answer 49

yes^