Question

Night Light

Answer 1

Hasty raindrops pedal across the rooftops. The trees bending and breaking in the wind of a storm. Yet the rap of my pencil across the paper never seemed to stop. The white sheet was covered with eraser shavings and hapless pencil marks; the attempts to craft a letter to a girl from school.

You see, it was Valentine's Day, and the only person on my mind was her. Bella. Yes, that's her name. The reason I am awake with a heart and mind set to impress. Yet I could not seem to find in myself the inspiration. Perhaps it was the fear, of falling short. She was older after all, and I was just a freshman. There are plenty of juniors far more appealing than I...but I should at least tell her thank you. No eloquent romantic letter, no signs of everlasting and endearing love, just a simple "Hey, I was really down and you brought me up. I think you're cool, and I'd love to hang out sometime." No that's stupid...I shouldn't say love. Nowadays you aren't supposed to love someone until you're in a serious relationship. Or say the word at least. And I had just met her. So I began:

Dear Bella,

You may not remember me, but I was the freshman you helped during the community service project this past weekend. It was my first time volunteering and I had no idea what I was doing until you showed me the ropes. Thank you for that. Haha, my mom forced me to sign up since I have been mainly just lifting and sleeping after school. I've been down since my Dad died last year, and am tunnel visioning a bit in life. Your bright smile was a welcomed sight though, and again, thank you for helping me (I had absolutely no idea how to organize all those groceries at the food bank). I look forward to seeing you around school though, and possibly hanging out. Happy Valentines Day and I am glad we were able to help feed the hungry!

-Jason

Do normal people even write letters still? It's the 21st century...but I suppose it would be a nice thing to do. She was kind after all, when she didn't have to be. Maybe I should take out the bit about Dad...she might think I'm messed up or something. It's too depressing, and I don't want her to think poorly of me. But I think she's a cool and kind person. She wouldn't condemn me like society would. If things all go downhill, I will just move schools again. That's what I told myself, because I couldn't handle the continuous rambling thoughts of a teenager with an X and Y chromosome writing to someone who had two X chromosomes and an attractive face and enchanting personality.

I folded the paper as neatly as any human could at midnight, then slipped it into the sleeves of the light blue envelope I had gotten. I had thought perhaps that the color of the welcoming sky blue would contrast to the romantic crimson red, making it seem less like I was trying to woo her or something.

My lips quivered as I sealed it, as if the very depths of me had quaked. The morning was approaching rapidly and I knew I would be at school early since my mom had the morning shift at the hospital. Luckily she had gotten a job quickly in this new town. Doctors are in high demand in every town I suppose.
I would be able to slip the envelope into Bella's locker before most people would be there. Perfect...

I stood up from my desk and pushed my chair in. The light chased the shadow of the chair under the desk. The mirror upon my closet greeted me to the left, as I turned towards it. "Goodnight Champ," I whispered, because that's what my Dad used to tell me every night. Then I walked over to the night light, and switched it off. The night greeted me with the now quiet storm. The rain had become a slight drizzle, and the trees seemed to dance happily in the wind. Tomorrow will be great...tomorrow will be better.

Answer 2

Oooh. Beautiful. Well done!

Answer 3

This is lovely, Shadow.
It puts all of my work to shame.

Answer 4

This is a true work of art! Omg I'm like hyped up for some more. x.x please do more pikabat

Answer 5

Petition to do more:
Others: 999999999999 billions
Me: 999999999 x 999999999 Zillions

Answer 6

Very good. Great imagery.

Answer 7

clap

Answer 8

So I read the first sentence and then look at the rest of the paragraph...

"Hasty raindrops pedal across the rooftops. The trees bending and breaking in the wind of a storm."

but the rest of the paragraph is in past tense...

Answer 9

"I knew I would be at school early since my mom had the morning shift at the hospital. Luckily she had gotten a job quickly in this new town. Doctors are in high demand in every town I suppose."

I honestly found this a bit out of place as there was no obvious indication that the main character had moved to a new area, and the fact that Jason is in, I'm assuming, the same high school. Other than that, that was really good! I liked it! :3

Answer 10

Ohh yeah, maybe add something... like a paragraph that the rain stopped to make the last paragraph's "light and shadow" description fit xD

Answer 11

Unless it were a lamp's light I suppose haha

Answer 12

Yeah it was a third person perspective to make the setting. Since Jason has been at the desk for some time, he is sort of reflecting on what's happening, thus the past tense. It could flow better though.

As for the move part, "If things all go downhill, I will just move schools again" sort of indicates that, but not entirely. "The attempts to craft a letter to a girl from school" shows that they're in the same school.

Answer 13

And it was.

Answer 14

Ohhh I see what you mean now xD I didn't get the whole flow at my first skim my bad

Answer 15

Haha it's fine. A writer can appreciate such feedback, as it helps to know where a message can be better written.

Answer 16

I don't know why but an incandescent light bulb keeps on appearing in my mental imagery LOL

Answer 17

Well, the title is 'Night Light' c;

Answer 18

"I folded the paper as neatly as any human could at midnight"

yes I somehow relate to this

Answer 19

folks do not try origami when physically tired~

anyways you should really continue to post your stories! I and I'm sure a lot of others (as even shown above) have taken a liking to it

Answer 20

My sister's name is Bella Grace xD LOL

Answer 21

Shadow I really liked this it makes me feel happy for Jason putting his foot down and doing what he wants and not coward like I would. Congrats!!!

Answer 22

Thank you. And we can all find it in ourself to do as we've seen. I am sure you will too (:

Answer 23

AMAZING.kp.it.up.bro.:)