Question

Revision?

It was a windy night on a beach. The moonlight was shining on two people who were starting to know what it feels like to be in love, Lynda and John. All whilst waves was washing up on the smooth sand.
John looked straight in Lynda’s eyes that were incomparable to the stars that dressed the night sky as she said, “ It’s getting chilly, we should be getting home soon.”

Answer 1

@Shadow

Answer 2

Second sentence is awkward

Answer 3

The way that it ends

Answer 4

I'm gonna continue just wanted to know if it is good so far

Answer 5

The moonlight was shining on two people who were starting to know what it feels like to be in love, Lynda and John.

'The moonlight was shining upon two people, Lynda and John, who were just starting to know what it feels like to be in love'

Answer 6

You can interchange starting with 'getting'

Answer 7

The narration is good though.

Answer 8

okay and the rest is good?

Answer 9

If so, I will continue

Answer 10

It was a windy night on a beach. The moonlight was shining upon two people, Lynda and John, who were just starting to know what it feels like to be in love. All whilst waves was washing up on the smooth sand.
John looked straight in Lynda’s eyes that were incomparable to the stars that dressed the night sky as she said, “ It’s getting chilly, we should be getting home soon.” John knew how special this night was and refused to let her go before he asked the “big” question. The question he had in his heart for years when he first laid eyes on Lynda. John confidently said, “ No darling, you will not leave just yet, I want to ask you something.” Lynda knew how much John loved to joke around with her and prank her. While Lynda giggling quietly while looking out into the waves of the ocean she responded, “ Oh yeah, like what.” John interlocked his hand with hers and mumbled nervously, “ I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Answer 11

Much better. The dialogue is well interlaced with narration.

Answer 12

Okay finished this, please look over

Answer 13

It was a windy night on a beach. The moonlight was shining upon two people, Lynda and John, who were just starting to know what it feels like to be in love. All whilst waves was washing up on the smooth sand.
John looked straight in Lynda’s eyes that were incomparable to the stars that dressed the night sky as she said, “ It’s getting chilly, we should be getting home soon.” John knew how special this night was and refused to let her go before he asked the “big” question. The question he had in his heart for years when he first laid eyes on Lynda. John confidently said, “ No darling, you will not leave just yet, I want to ask you something.” Lynda knew how much John loved to joke around with her and prank her. While Lynda giggling quietly while looking out into the waves of the ocean she responded, “ Oh yeah, like what.” John interlocked his hand with hers and mumbled nervously, “ I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Lynda’s innocent blue eyes quickly dropped down to the sand and began to become wet. John was in total shock, had he said something wrong? Had he hurt you by asking? Does she love someone else? Suddenly a knife had stabbed John in the heart and he was almost certain that she was in love with another guy. Lynda saw the expressions John was making. “No, it’s just….. Just… nothing, I promise.” John began to get frustrated and stood up to leave. Lynda looked down and mumbled, “Don’t leave, please?” John said, “Then please tell, me, Is something stopping you from being with me, is it another guy? Are you in love with someone else?” Lynda knew she could trust this boy with just about anything, she knew he loved her. Se debated for a couple seconds whether or not she should share this personal secret with John. This was a part of her heart that she never shared with anyone, she was indeed broken. Lynda quietly said, “I’ve never been loved.” “What the heck are you talking about?”, exclaimed John. “It’s true, I’m talking about my childhood. Um… it’s my parents, they disappeared when I was just 3 leaving me all alone. I don’t know what it feels to be loved. As the wind blew in both their faces and the night began to get deeper and deeper, a silence has appeared. John couldn’t manage to say anything because he knew how much hurt this girl had, but he also knew that he would never leave her side. He pulled Lynda into his arms as she cried and cried. Just then. Somebody walked up behind them and tapped Lynda on the should, “Are…. are… are you.. Lynda ? “

Answer 14

@Shadow

Answer 15

You have woven in narration quite well with your great dialogue. It makes it a much more scenic thing to read.

For prime readability though, you should look to break up this long paragraph into multiple ones.

Answer 16

Thank you