Question

I am writing a 13 paragraph essay!!

Answer 1

This is what I have so far.

Answer 2

Action games are games that you can shoot, explore, and hunt. They are cool games but there is only one flaw, some people blame the games for making children more aggressive. Action games don’t. The children think they can do the things they do in the game are legal in the real world. The things that the children do in the games are illegal in the real world. Action games are cool and all but that is the one bad thing about them.

Role-playing games are awesome because you can be whatever you want to be. Also role-playing games are fun because you don’t need a script for them like you do for movies. You can just say whatever you want. You can use a script but it would mess up the role-play unless the people that you do it with don’t mess around.

Survival games are really fun. They teach children how to survive, kind of. They teach kids how to add, subtract, multiply, and even teach them how to divide. If someone has twelve logs and another person has twenty-four you can add those to get thirty-six logs. Survival games also help you imagine what you want to build. If you want to build a mansion you can.

Sport games are cool because you can play as any player on any team. You can also play any kind of sport. When you play as a player in a game you can move the player around to kick the ball, throw the ball, or hit the ball. In the United Kingdom soccer is called football, and instead of football they have rugby.

Clicker games are like a tycoon, but you click a lot. You can play clicker games on computers, game consoles, and mobile devices. When you play clicker games you can upgrade and get more stuff to get better upgrades. Clicker games are really fun.

Mojang is a good company. They made many games that are really cool. Mojang is one of the biggest companies in the country. The games Mojang made are Minecraft (2009), Minecraft Pocket Edition (2011), Scrolls (2013), Cobalt (2016), Minecraft: Story Mode (2015), Crown and Council (2016), Minecraft: Story Mode - Season Two (2017), Cobalt WASD (2017), Minecraft: Story Mode - Season Two Episode 1: Hero in Residence (2017), Minecraft: Story Mode - Season Two Episode 2: Giant Consequences (2017), and Minecraft: Story Mode - Season Two Episode 3: Jailhouse Block.
Playground games is a good company. Even though they only made 3 games, they are still a good company. They made Forza Horizon in 2012, Forza Horizon 2 in 2014, and Forza Horizon 3 in 2016. All of the Forza Horizon games are fun.

Minecraft is an amazing game. You can craft, survive, build, explore, and even have dogs and cats. When you play Minecraft you can customize your character. The game allows you to build anything you want.

Forza Horizon 3 is an epic and awesome game. You can drive on the beach and in the water. Also you can do races

Answer 3

@ThisGirlPretty

Answer 4

Do halo e.e

Answer 5

Will read sometime, posted for subscribed notifications.

Answer 6

Is this for a class or for fun?

Answer 7

Are you trying to get feedback on it?

Answer 8

1. Indent first paragraph
2. Better hook. The current one isn't that attention grabbing or enthusiastic.
3. "The children think they can do the things they do in the game are legal in the real world"

This sentence is not a proper sentence, and the syntax is broken. I don't actually know what you mean by this sentence and I didn't want to bother trying to infer the meaning since it could be multiple onces. Make your point more clear here.

4. "The things that the children do in the games are illegal in the real world."

This sentence is too broad to a point where it can be false. For example, I walk on a sidewalk in an action game. That isn't illegal. Be more specific.

5. "Action games are cool and all but that is the one bad thing about them."

I assume you mean the bad thing is that some things you can do in the game are illegal in real life, but due to the structure of your sentence here, you could easily interpret the "one bad thing about them" being that "action games are cool."

6. " Survival games are really fun. " This is one-dimensional for being a topic sentence. If you don't know, topic sentences are the first sentences of a body paragraph, what's going to be discussed in the paragraph. Add more detail. Like: "Survival games are enjoyable because they let you go places where you have never been." Then you could delve into experiences in jungles, savannahs, Antarctica, a vast ocean, etc

7. "In the United Kingdom" put a comma after 'United Kingdom'

8. Your Mojang paragraph is basically a list...which it shouldn't. Pick a couple of the games then talk about them. Perhaps relate them to some of the game types you have discussed above.

9. Your diction (word choice) is a bit limited at times. I would recommend a thesaurus as the short-term solution. Saying "fun" 20 times in one essay can make it seem dull. I don't say that to insult you, but to help you make sure that your essays are appealing to read. This will help you with teachers, on the ACT/SAT, and in your career.

10. Increasing your diction will allow for more detail as well, which is something that lacks in this essay. You bring up a lot of interesting topics that I'd like to hear more about, just need that detail. A long-term and more effective solution to bettering your diction/vocabulary is by reading. Through this, you come into contact with a lot of new words and figurative language which you can incorporate into your own writing.

Answer 9

I just wrote a 13 page essay, so forgive me if I am a bit too critical :)

Answer 10

Lol especially if you wrote this for fun xD

Answer 11

Nope for school