justasoftie:

Can someone read through a writing piece that I have? (It is not finished yet, I simply want some opinions and some help on what I should change, if anything.)

1 month ago
justasoftie:

The girl runs down the hill, the clouds up above fluffier than cotton candy at the county carnival. Her dress flows in the wind as she runs down the hill, without a worry in the world. Suddenly that all changes when she hears an eerily similar tune, overpowering all of the other sounds in the field. The birds stop chirping their smooth soft song, and the bees stop working the flowers. "Is that...Carnival music?" The young girl asks herself, her hair mimicking the grass, blowing in the wind as if it is saying hello. The music draws closer, engulfing her almost, the rest of the world melting away until she finds herself in a carnival-like place. You have the music, the Ferris wheel, and the swings. There's just one thing missing, all of the people. She looks a bit worried whenever she runs to the end of the carnival, noticing that it has no end, and she just keeps running. Once she gets to what she thinks will be an end of this mess, it just becomes more and more miles of the carnival. "Hello there, Helena," A raspy voice says from behind her, her name rolling off of his tongue as if he has spoken it many times before. The fact that some stranger is saying her name, bothers her enough to want to ignore him, and she acts as if he didn't hear the man. "I know you can hear me, Helena," he hisses once again. "I saw you flinch, and it was rather noticeable," He says to her, his hair spiky enough to be compared to Celosias on a still, quiet day. The rest of him was covered in a polka dotted clown suit, with a puffy red collar around his neck, with messily blotched face paint. At least it would appear to be face paint, we can only hope. This time, the girl responds, turning around with a look of terror in her eyes.

1 month ago
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