Question

Already have my essay on Honor Killings, however, my prof said that I need a stronger argument that will address all of my points. Can someone please help me

Answer 1

@Vocaloid @Shadow

Answer 2

Here is my paper:

Answer 3

Also if someone could help with addressing the comments that my prof made. I feel absolutely stuck

Answer 4

@Shadow @Vocaloid

Answer 5

I'll let Shadow look at this later, he's better at essay feedback

but as a general tip you should have a strong thesis statement at the end of paragraph 1 that encapsulates your argument, essentially, "honor killing is wrong because x,y,z" that introduces the most important arguments that you will elaborate on later

Answer 6

that might be what your professor is looking for?

Answer 7

How about: Honor killing is wrong because it inflicts forceful trauma upon women

Answer 8

:/

Answer 9

that's not a bad starting point

Answer 10

I am just struggling with a strong arugment which will offset the rest of my paper. All my prof says is that you need a stronger argument , I already have my entire paper laid out , I justneed help with an argument =, you know

Answer 11

you also mentioned the sexist aspect of it, restrictions of freedom, and the loss of life, so those are things you may want to address in your thesis

Answer 12

should be *they inflict but honestly that's pretty good

Answer 13

maybe "unjust loss of life" instead of just loss of life

Answer 14

Honor killings are dishonorable because they inflict involuntary trauma upon women which results in restriction of freedom and unjust loss of life

Answer 15

Would it be 'which results in' or 'involuntary trauma such as'

Answer 16

I think such as is better, since you want say that restriction of freedom and unjust loss of life are types of trauma

Answer 17

your professor also mentioned that you need to explain why killing is wrong, which is actually pretty difficult to articulate but you could probably do some research and explain why it's wrong morally/legally/etc.

Answer 18

okay so this statement, I put it at the end of the first paragraph? or the beginning of the first pragaraph

Answer 19

end of first paragraph

you use the first paragraph to introduce what an honor killing is, explain the basic context behind why/when they occur, then use the thesis statement at the end, this will lead into your arguments

Answer 20

like your professor said you can trim down your introductory paragraph and save the meat of your arguments for the body paragraphs

Answer 21

Takingout 'the research done by phyllis .. all up untilhonor killing is done

Answer 22

yeah, you can save the quotes/research for the body paragraphs

Answer 23

actually the first quote is pretty good "honor killings are not just a muslim problem..." you may want to keep that there

Answer 24

anyway I can't really stay long but try to go through your professor's comments I guess

Answer 25

Vocaloid and your professor are spot on. Start at the thesis then work from there. If you don't have a strong argument, it's easy to lose interest in the essay. Something common that I've found in your writing is that you won't give enough detail and information about a topic. What's happening? Where? When? Why? Leaving out details means the writer can't conceive of the topic properly. This assessment aligns with some of your professors notes.

Again on the thesis, this is essentially what you are trying to say. This needs to be at the forefront of your mind as you're writing this so you know what you're talking about and not straying from the assignment.

If you want to test if your argument is strong, read what you write and ask yourself if it's true, and if so, why? Reinforce your arguments with facts or else it's just words on a page with nothing to support it.

Answer 26

holy frick

Answer 27

Shadow, what the heck