Question

Tell me what you think about these essays:

3. chrome-extension://bpmcpldpdmajfigpchkicefoigmkfalc/views/app.html

2: chrome-extension://bpmcpldpdmajfigpchkicefoigmkfalc/views/app.html

Answer 1

I don't see any essay. I only see links to unknown chrome extensions.

Answer 2

Try downloading the file then adding it here using the Attach File function.

Answer 3

Oh...here is the first one:

Answer 4

The first one is a narrative. The second one is an informative/explanatory article.

Answer 5

In the narrative, the sentences in the first paragraph feel too short. Also, I feel as if it might work better if the first and second paragraph switched places.

Answer 6

Ok, thank you!

Answer 7

With narratives you want to tell a story, which takes place in a setting which is gifted to the reader via imagery. You mention these characters and I know their relationship, that they are friends and someone has done something unexpected. Yet these figures sit in gray, bleak, darkness? Where are they? In the woods? A house? It makes for a weak introduction into the world.

Answer 8

Thank you!

Answer 9

For example, in the first paragraph, perhaps mention the country/city they live in. Give them a place to dwell in.

Answer 10

In the last sentence of the first page, steak is capitalized when it ought not to be.

Answer 11

“Sure,” I responded, “what time is it at.”

Period -> Question Mark

Answer 12

"We sat down and eat dinner in silence"

eat->ate

or

sat->sit

Change the verb tense to whatever you want to be consistent throughout the scene.

Answer 13

"When the time came, I got ready to leave for the bar. I grabbed my bike and left
for the bar. "

A bit repetitive. Try something like: "I grabbed the bike and pedaled into the moonlight."

Answer 14

"The bar was about ten minutes away using my bike"

Spell out numbers under 10, such as five and seven. Above nine, use 10 and 35, and so on.

Answer 15

You mentioned dinner so I know it's night time, but to better reinforce the setting I'd recommend sliding 'PM' into here: " so I planned to get
there at 8:50."

Answer 16

" I guided Fortunato on his bike, while he told me where to go. When he told me that we were where he wanted to go, we pulled in front of a store called “The Comet Store."

I think you can delete 'that we were where he wanted to go'

Copying and pasting from a PDF is a bit iffy haha.

Answer 17

Basically I think this flows smoother: " I guided Fortunato on his bike, while he told me where to go. When he told me, we pulled in front of a store called “The Comet Store."

Answer 18

[we pulled in front of a store called “The Comet Store."]

The use of store twice here is also a bit repetitive, I'd recommend replacing the first use of 'store' with 'building' or 'structure' or complex' (etc).

Answer 19

"I heard the store’s alarms go off. I looked back behind me and say Fortunato running in the other direction"

*saw

Answer 20

First sentence of page five has jail improperly capitalized.

Answer 21

I’m sorry, honey. I hope that he gets better. I do not like seeing you so down.” She responded.

Remove the period in quotations and low the capitalization on she.

Answer 22

I've finished reading through the first one. It is quite a sad tale; how unfortunate that Fortunato decided to steal, fell away from his friend Monstresor and morals in prison, and that finalizing in the destruction of their friendship absolutely, consummated in the massacre of Monstresors family. It reminds me a bit of a TV show, by the name of The Mentalist.

Answer 23

I can read through the second one tomorrow probably.

Answer 24

Yah I cannot go to the link it says please reload and start again. Sorry. Have a nice day!

Answer 25

@Unicorn1118 For the next one, let me know when you're online. I can proofread much quicker on Google Docs, if you have a gmail.

Answer 26

Hello! I am online!

Answer 27

Did you see my message?

Answer 28

Only take the pick when her Multiply out

Answer 29

All for the 'Gram
Plutoes love the 'Gram
Oh wait Pluto
Brr brr
Brr, brr, brr (aye)
Skrrt, skrrt
Roxanne
Roxanne
All she wanna do is party all night
Goddamn, Roxanne
Never gonna love me but it's alright
She think I'm an Pluto
She think I'm a player
She keep running back though
Only 'cause I pay up
Roxanne
Roxanne
All she wanna do is party all night
Met her at a party in the Hills, yeah
She just wanna do it for the thrill, yeah
Shorty drive a poodle with no top
But if I throw this money she gon' drop, aye
She don't wait in lines if it's too long
She don't drive the whip unless the roof off
Only want to call when the cash out
Only take the pic when her Pluto out
She from
Malibu, Malibu
If you ain't gotta foreign then she laugh at you
Malibu, Malibu
Spending daddy's money with an attitude
Roxanne
Roxanne
All she wanna do is party all night
Goddamn, Roxanne
Never gonna love me but it's alright
She think I'm an Pluto
She think I'm a player
She keep running back though
Only 'cause I pay up
Roxanne
Roxanne
All she wanna do is party all night
I just wanna have fun!
In LA, yeah
Got no brakes, yeah
Living fast, Ricky Bobby, shake and bake, yeah
See the chain? yeah
Issa lake, yeah
Swipe the chase, ooh
Now she wanna date, yeah
Straight to NOBU
On the coast ooh
Shorty only like cocaine and whole foods
Yeah
Snappin' all up on the 'Gram
Pluto going crazy
Now she wanna Pluto me in the foreign
Going 80
Up In
Malibu, Malibu
If you ain't gotta foreign then she laugh at you
Malibu, Malibu
Spending daddy's money with an attitude
Roxanne
Roxanne
All she wanna do is party all night
Goddamn, Roxanne
Never gonna love me but it's alright
She think I'm an Pluto
She think I'm a player
She keep running back though
Only 'cause I pay up
Roxanne
Roxanne
All she wanna do is party all night

Answer 30

That was not supposed to pop up sorry....