Question

Hey, I'm working on this story and would really like it if you guys could give me some feedback.

Prologue:
A group of shadows watched as their proud leader yelled the spell that would save them all, as they were under something that couldn’t possibly be stopped, as she faded away. They awoke without her, stood unsteadily, and a woman promptly fell to the ground on her knees in grief, sobbing. ‘What will happen now? My home! My sister! My family…”. She dissolved into tears once more. None of them could comfort her. They couldn’t even comfort themselves. One man still stood, with a picture of a boy a little older than his daughter, looking at those haunting eyes that were the window to his mother’s soul. “Don’t worry, my child, I won’t fade away,” he whispered.
The photo disintegrated.
-----
Raven woke up to the usual sound of Astera crowing about something or other, but Pythios was grave today, seemingly too upset to be amused by his wife’s chatter. “I need to talk to you, young man.” he said, glowering. Raven quickly looked around the room for clues as to what his caretaker had found out. He was a good child, calm when needed, but he was a bit of a trickster, and somewhat clumsy at that, so a lot of “accidents” happened when he was around.
“Is this about cousin Amelot’s herbs? Because if it is I can definitely repair the damage with the training I’ve-”

“No” he snapped, frustrated. “Wait, what was that, Char?” The young boy smiled sheepishly as he remembered the charcoal of his hair compared to Amelot’s light blonde. Pythios hadn’t called him his childhood nickname for a long time. ”Oh, nevermind. What were you about to tell me?” “The time to show your training is near.” Silence filled the room. Astera sta/0red, obviously unaware of what he had to say before this. “Finally! Who do I have to hunt down? What do I get to fight?” he rambled with exhilaration at the thought. “No, boy! You’re sounding just like your mother, thinking you’re a force of nature.” he said with exasperation. “I wouldn’t know,” the arrogant boy grumbled, sitting on the counter. “Get off of there, boy, this is a serious conversation.” As Astera heard that, she left the room, most likely to eavesdrop. He continued, “You’re going to be assisting and protecting three students.” Raven whined, “Is that all? You had me excited. Why?”

Answer 1

Wow this is really good!

Answer 2

thanks

Answer 3

yw

Answer 4

it sounds good babe

Answer 5

its boring

Answer 6

This is amazing. I love it

Answer 7

It's good, but from a book writer with three years of experience, try to limit FANBOYS and run-ons. It is good though. Keep it up.

Answer 8

thank u jesus finally someone who knows it is good

Answer 9

Yeah, I like books with some good suspense.

Answer 10

thank you for uplifting my girlfriend instead of bringing her down

Answer 11

No problem. Anything to help a fellow writer.

Answer 12

Yeah this is really Good. :)

Answer 13

thx?

Answer 14

Yeah anytime.

Answer 15

If she keeps this going it could be a very good book. It's a good attention grabber.

Answer 16

yeah I agree.

Answer 17

thank u

Answer 18

Personally, I write fan-fiction, but I base it off real-life experiences.

Answer 19

oh

Answer 20

Yeah. I have two books that are currently still in the making.

Answer 21

cool

Answer 22

wow you are amazing

Answer 23

Good job padfoot what book is this?? You can't forget I'm your co writer for all of your books just like you are for mine. Also can we plan a thinking sesh for my books??

Answer 24

\(\color{#0cbb34}{\text{Originally Posted by}}\) @lowkey
its boring
\(\color{#0cbb34}{\text{End of Quote}}\)
Why don't you not be so rude if you don't like it then go read something else padfoot is a wonderful writer I've read all of her stuff

Answer 25

@Rose07 this is the prologue to Elementals. You have access to this one.

Answer 26

Thank you everybody that gave me helpful tips.