Question

This is the book I've been working on it's not good at all but padfoot has been trying to help me with it. Please only helpful criticism nothing rude or mean.

Answer 1

@padfoot06

Answer 2

@DCharger96

Answer 3

I think you did pretty well, good job.

Answer 4

Thank you so much

Answer 5

You're welcome :)

Answer 6

Tbh I thought people would hate it

Answer 7

No you don't deserve hate for all the effort.

Answer 8

Tbh I write a little then I get stuck this took me forever to write but also I don't have much time bc I need to work on my art and on top of that study so I ace all of my work.

Answer 9

I understand, it's okay you still did it.

Answer 10

Good luck

Answer 11

thanks

Answer 12

No problem

Answer 13

That's a spin off of the harry potter story lol

Answer 14

Oh wow it's very long and colorful.

Answer 15

Right lol I work on it when I'm not feeling to happy

Answer 16

I see, that's good because maybe it would make you feel better.

Answer 17

It does I'm a very big geek with a very depressing life

Answer 18

You're inspiring me to write stories and get creative haha.

Answer 19

No you don't have to say that about yourself, I agree sometimes life is very depressing.

Answer 20

No I'm being 100% serious

Answer 21

It's okay to feel depressed sometimes, there is nothing wrong with it.

Answer 22

Yes I know I understand you.

Answer 23

I've been depressed since I was 4

Answer 24

Why 4 specifically?

Answer 25

I think 4 is too young to know what depression is

Answer 26

I got hurt and put in foster care for the very first time

Answer 27

Did you happen to watch a tv show called Revenge?

Answer 28

Ooh I see, I am so sorry about that.

Answer 29

lol @Shadow

Answer 30

No to the tv show and thanks

Answer 31

Np

Answer 32

Ah, the premise of the story seems similar. Do you know the show justus?

Answer 33

No not really, never heard of it.

Answer 34

Ah okay. Just reading through the story rn (:

Answer 35

That's nice.

Answer 36

What a coincidence tho, haha.

Answer 37

Anyways, you should continue writing and doing what ever makes you happy. @Rose07

Answer 38

Good night to both of you.

Answer 39

thank you and good night to you too

Answer 40

:)

Answer 41

Wait I did?!?! How do I know it’s a he?!?! Oh my God I remembered something!!!” I
exclaimed turning around so I wasn’t looking at her when I started to cry.
“You know what I’m going to help you figure this out no matter the cost I’m here for you
Amelia!” Alex said showing a lot of empathy in her tone of voice.

Female pronouns when Alex was established as a male earlier on: She looked at Alex to see if he remembered her, “Did you know the people who lived
here?”

Answer 42

Also:

“Wait I did?!?! How do I know it’s a he?!?! Oh my God I remembered something!!!” I
exclaimed turning around so I wasn’t looking at her when I started to cry.

This is a shift from 3rd person to 1st person. Instead of she exclaimed or Amelia exclaimed, it's 'I' exclaimed. You can switch but it feels odd. Since you seem to continue with first person it's a large shift.

Answer 43

Thanks lol padfoot is my grammar person and I'll talk to her to see which way she likes better

Answer 44

Ah okay. Is Alex a dude or a dudette?

Answer 45

Cause Alex can be short for Alexadrea or something.

Answer 46

*Alexandra

Answer 47

Alex is trans his real name is layla
most of the characters their names are based from my friends
alex is one of my friends in real life and she is trans

Answer 48

Oh okay. It keeps switching from male to female pronouns and back so I was confused xD

Answer 49

I like the story so far but I'm just pointing out grammar stuff since that's the most helpful thing I can add.

Answer 50

Thank you a lot it will also help padfoot if other people point things out

Answer 51

Yeah, besides those two things I mentioned, there's some blank pages in the pdf and
I'm not sure if you want to go with each excerpt being denoted as 'stories' or 'chapters.' It's fine either way, it's your book, it's just typically done the latter way. Then you can add a table of 'Contents' page which lists the chapters.

Answer 52

Chapters, their respective titles, then their pages. Then an overarching name for the book/story.

Answer 53

There's two different books
I'm trying to be able to write different genres

Answer 54

Oh I was confused because it was the same name, Rose.

Answer 55

sorry lol

Answer 56

And a 'he' just left (Alex) so I presumed something happened and she just blacked out and didn't remember. And since it switched to the 1st person perspective (Rose is the narrator), then if the narrator has blacked out, she wouldn't be able to list the events (if Alex had beaten her and due to trauma forgot/blacked out).

Answer 57

That's some of the mechanical things you can do when a character is the narrator.

Answer 58

okay

Answer 59

Definitely a good start though, keep it going (:

Answer 60

thank you and im sorry i have to go to bed its almost 3 am so good night

Answer 61

Goodnight!