Question

If this has to be my time then so be it
But at this rate I'd rather die from a Soviet
If only I had so much time to tell
Every individual goodbye
I'd feel like I was running constantly on a pedestal
I miss her and was forced to move on
Then to hear she's ok makes me want to regret losing my fate
It hurts every time to hear your name
Cause I'm on that constant walk of shame
The pain I feel
Is never the cards I deal
I wish my life was made of steal
But I'm afraid it's gonna end with a stronger material
Not a lot I can do
No more to earn
But just thinking
In life I could never deserve
Life is well over
My body shall stay
And my memories will all fade
As you all will forget my name
Life has no picture and is never a game
No it's a nightmare laughing as u sit here in pain
Why am I holding pack the strain let it go and watch only my body remain
I love you all
But the fame will for ever bring me pain

Answer 1

>I wish my life was made of steal

You used the wrong type of "steel" here

Answer 2

>No it's a nightmare laughing as u sit here in pain

...Really? You decided to replace "you" with "u" in a poem

Answer 3

Other than those two critical points, you have a good structure. Work a little harder at writing poetically and you could express this in a very elegant manner. Keep at it!

Answer 4

>But at this rate I'd rather die from a Soviet

This line is a little weird and just doesn't make much sense.
\

Answer 5

That point is subjective, Macho. It’s weird but maybe that’s the point the author is trying to make. I have to disagree with your analysis in that respect.

Answer 6

fair enough

Answer 7

I like it Idc how he wrote it because it does make sense. Good job Lil Pathos

Answer 8

Good Job man its beautiful in terms of writing lyrics

Answer 9

Mhm

Answer 10

Keep going we all get through this