I know this isnt school related but i'm working on a story and would like some feedback
I Fell In Love With The Devil
Chapter 1 The battle…..
I was on the battlefield when I saw him for the first time. He was making his way to me slowly .I took out the demon in front of me as he approached. He was knocking angels out with one hit and smiling as he did it. He somehow knew I was the best warrior there. I move backwards keeping the demons away from me. He was going faster now sensing my nerves. I throw a demon away from me who was trying to stop me from moving away.

The angels saw my movement and started to go backwards at the same pace as me. We moved faster but before I went through the portal The Devil grabbed my arm and spun me around to see him. He said one sentence “Meet me at the graveyard so we can talk '' all I did was nod. One of the angels grabbed me and pulled me into the portal shuting it after them. It was my sister and best friend. All I did was walk away to my house to change.

I change into something more reasonable. I walked out and started to head to the graveyard when my sister stopped me and said “Angelica what are you thinking don’t go there that’s where he shows up and takes angels for his own needs!”. I just shrug and push past her. My best friend Rosangel tried to stop me but quickly realized she couldn’t stop me no matter what so she said “Let me come with you Angelica”. I nod, smiling.

I knew this was bad but I just couldn't stop myself. I wanted to go see him. When we got to the graveyard Rosangel went behind a gravestone and hid. I waited a bit and then he showed up smiling. “I knew you would come” He said smiling. I contained the retort I had and just said “what do you want anyways.”. He just laughed at my response which made me mad and that's when I heard it.

I spin to see Rosangel get thrown from behind the gravestone by two demons. I heard his voice behind me “You didn’t think I knew that she was here did ya Angelica” there was a hint of laughter in his voice. I growl. I could barely hear Rosangel's voice as I spun and hit The Devil right across the face. My anger was taking control of me and I heard Roseangle scream “Angelica Calm Down!!”. I took a deep breath as he disappeared growling. This was his ground and I just fell into his trap .I ran to Roseangle and got her up and started to bolt as fast as I could go.

Question

I know this isnt school related but i'm working on a story and would like some feedback
I Fell In Love With The Devil
Chapter 1 The battle…..
I was on the battlefield when I saw him for the first time. He was making his way to me slowly .I took out the demon in front of me as he approached. He was knocking angels out with one hit and smiling as he did it. He somehow knew I was the best warrior there. I move backwards keeping the demons away from me. He was going faster now sensing my nerves. I throw a demon away from me who was trying to stop me from moving away.

The angels saw my movement and started to go backwards at the same pace as me. We moved faster but before I went through the portal The Devil grabbed my arm and spun me around to see him. He said one sentence “Meet me at the graveyard so we can talk '' all I did was nod. One of the angels grabbed me and pulled me into the portal shuting it after them. It was my sister and best friend. All I did was walk away to my house to change.

I change into something more reasonable. I walked out and started to head to the graveyard when my sister stopped me and said “Angelica what are you thinking don’t go there that’s where he shows up and takes angels for his own needs!”. I just shrug and push past her. My best friend Rosangel tried to stop me but quickly realized she couldn’t stop me no matter what so she said “Let me come with you Angelica”. I nod, smiling.

I knew this was bad but I just couldn't stop myself. I wanted to go see him. When we got to the graveyard Rosangel went behind a gravestone and hid. I waited a bit and then he showed up smiling. “I knew you would come” He said smiling. I contained the retort I had and just said “what do you want anyways.”. He just laughed at my response which made me mad and that's when I heard it.

I spin to see Rosangel get thrown from behind the gravestone by two demons. I heard his voice behind me “You didn’t think I knew that she was here did ya Angelica” there was a hint of laughter in his voice. I growl. I could barely hear Rosangel's voice as I spun and hit The Devil right across the face. My anger was taking control of me and I heard Roseangle scream “Angelica Calm Down!!”. I took a deep breath as he disappeared growling. This was his ground and I just fell into his trap .I ran to Roseangle and got her up and started to bolt as fast as I could go.

BestBoiKirby · Answer

I think that the story progresses a bit too fast, unless the story is about to be what led up to that

Jade123 · Answer

okay thank u

BestBoiKirby · Answer

np!

BestBoiKirby · Answer

i would like to see it when it's done!

BestBoiKirby · Answer

sounds kinda like a manga i used to read

Jade123 · Answer

good or bad

XioGonz · Answer

You are doing great, maybe just slow up the process a little bit? Everything is happening a bit too quickly (:

Jade123 · Answer

okay thank u

XioGonz · Answer

Np (:

Ruthy · Answer

Fabulous

Jade123 · Answer

than$\color{#0cbb34}{\text{Originally Posted by}}$ @Ruthy
Fabulous
$\color{#0cbb34}{\text{End of Quote}}$
thanks!

animegirl0 · Answer

wow this is amazing!!!!!!!|dw:1607369448491:dw|

Jade123 · Answer

$\color{#0cbb34}{\text{Originally Posted by}}$ @animegirl0
wow this is amazing!!!!!!!Created with RaphaëlReply Using Drawing
$\color{#0cbb34}{\text{End of Quote}}$
thanks so much!

BestBoiKirby · Answer

|dw:1607369744306:dw|

BestBoiKirby · Answer

u cant read that can u

BestBoiKirby · Answer

it was cursive until it wasnt and i suck at drawing on comp