Question

Hey! I was wondering if everyone could share their opinion on my story. Here it is:

The night is drowsy and dark. You can feel the breath of the frigid cold air running up and down your body. As you make your way to an underground subway station, you can’t get your mind off of this boy. His name is Natsu. You’ve encountered him several times, but he doesn’t seem to recognize your presence. It’s been about a year since you’ve first encountered Natsu, and you’ve developed feelings for him. As you continue walking, being weighed down by heavy thoughts, you notice it has begun to rain. You start running to get to the subway before you get soaked. Even though you don’t want the rain to get you, you can’t help but acknowledge that the rain is beautiful at this time of night. It’s like clear shattered glass falling from the sky. When you finally get to the subway station, what you see next breaks your heart...It’s Natsu, the guy you’ve been crushing on, he’s at the subway too...but- he’s not alone...He’s with another boy, and Natsu’s holding the other boy tight, as if he belonged to him...You’ve dreamed of Natsu holding you like that, but it’s not you he’s holding...instead he’s holding another boy...You walk backwards slowly, then, turn around and run. You can’t help but cry. You hope they didn’t notice you. But, before you could get away, Natsu grabs your hand. He turns your chin towards his direction, forcing you two to meet eye contact. You close your eyes tight, in an attempt to avoid his deep eye contact. The image of Natsu holding the other boy replays in your mind, causing a single teardrop to fall down from your eyes and onto your cheek. He rubs his thumb on your cheek, wiping the tears off from your face. You look at him, wondering why he would care enough to wipe the tears off your face. “Sorry for interrupting you and him…” you say, trying not to break down into tears. Natsu pins you to the wall and tells you, “You didn’t interrupt anything…” He pulls you in, forcing you closer to him. He gently grabs your throat and whispers into your ear, “Tonight you belong to me...how sweet it will seem…” You close your eyes, and let the night begin…

I promise this is all my work. Tell me what you think about it.

Answer 1

There were a few grammatical errors, so I fixed them

The night is drowsy and dark. You can feel the breath of the frigid cold air running up and down your body. As you make your way to an underground subway station, you can’t get your mind off of this boy. His name is Natsu. You’ve encountered him several times, but he doesn't seem to recognize your presence. It’s been about a year since you’ve first encountered Natsu, and you’ve developed feelings for him. As you continue walking, being weighed down by heavy thoughts, you notice it has begun to rain. You start running to get to the subway before you get soaked. Even though you don’t want the rain to get you, you can’t help but acknowledge that the rain is beautiful at this time of night. It’s like clear shattered glass falling from the sky. When you finally get to the subway station, what you see next breaks your heart...It’s Natsu, the guy you've been crus

Answer 2

\(\color{#0cbb34}{\text{Originally Posted by}}\) @axie
There were a few grammatical errors, so I fixed them

The night is drowsy and dark. You can feel the breath of the frigid cold air running up and down your body. As you make your way to an underground subway station, you can’t get your mind off of this boy. His name is Natsu. You’ve encountered him several times, but he doesn't seem to recognize your presence. It’s been about a year since you’ve first encountered Natsu, and you’ve developed feelings for him. As you continue walking, being weighed down by heavy thoughts, you notice it has begun to rain. You start running to get to the subway before you get soaked. Even though you don’t want the rain to get you, you can’t help but acknowledge that the rain is beautiful at this time of night. It’s like clear shattered glass falling from the sky. When you finally get to the subway station, what you see next breaks your heart...It’s Natsu, the guy you've been crus
\(\color{#0cbb34}{\text{End of Quote}}\)
Where exactly are my errors?

Answer 3

um so there was some contraction errors

Answer 4

I'm going, to be honest, this sounds like a Weird story lol, I'm not with the LGBTQ or whatever but not thinking about that pretending its a girl he's holding it's pretty fire, maybe dialogue this story Seems very Weepy but Although this is your story, not mine I'm just the reader, You have a few grammatical errors at the end but its fire, Keep it up Cuzzo.

Answer 5

Why is he grabbing ppl throats? That seems strange,he tryna choke somebody?

Answer 6

Keep up the good work!