Question

“Hailey, Harper” Mom called from the kitchen “breakfast is ready, get off, do video games and come eat” “Coming” Said Hailey and Harper together.
As Harper was putting away the video games, Hailey was speeding down the steps faster than flash.
“Who is that i hear running down than step” said Mama
Hailey didn’t say anything.
Mama came storming where the stairs were, “Hailey Sky Robin. What did I tell you about running down the stairs” said mama.
“Sorry mama,” Hailey replied.
“Just come down here and eat,” mama said.
Hailey and Harper knew she was so stressed out ever since their dad died, everything was hard for mama. As Harper was coming down the stairs, she heard chewing sounds coming from the kitchen. When she went down the stairs into the kitchen she saw mama and Hailey eating their pancakes and eggs. She was so angry, because they made a truce not to eat anymore without one person missing from the room. “MAMA!!!!” cried out Harper. Mama and Hailey looked at each other and did a little grin “Sorry Harper but me and Hailey were hungry…”said Mama. Harper sat on her chair and started eating her food. Mama and Hailey were almost done eating their food. “Hailey, Harper. After you finished eating go get yourself ready for school“ok mom” said Hailey, Hailey loved school “ok mom” said Harper grumply” Harper didn’t like school. And on top of that mama and Hailey were eating without her. When their dad died everything has always been hard for them so they just have decided to eat with each other at the table, because their dad always wanted that but Hailey and Harper always wanted to eat in their rooms. They really missed their dad and wished he was still here.


Chapter 2
School time


It was Harper’s and Hailey’s first day of 5th grade. And they were nervous. Because they also were going to another school. Hailey already started to miss her friends. But she had lots of fun with them during summer break. Harper didn’t really have much. Harper wasn’t as popular as her sister in her old school. But she hoped everything could change in her new school. After breakfast Harper and Hailey were about to shower. “Harper, I have to shower first today. You showered first yesterday” said Hailey. “No!. Mama said I could shower first today” said Harper.
“ MAMA!!!” called Harper and Hailey “What do you everlasting girl need” Replied mama
Hailey says “I want to shower first but Harper is getting in Ha

Answer 1

here is my book that i am presenting in class next week tell me what y'all think about it

Answer 2

ps-its not done yet

Answer 3

pls anyone give feedback

Answer 4

honestly the story has a lot of potential, but there are minor things that throw it off like the repetition of "mama said"/"said mama" at pretty much the end of every sentence in the first 'chapter' when you can use other phrases to replace that, it's overpowering, and just by it all now it seems very rushed, there's not really any 'development' and time being put into this, it's rushed

Answer 5

it wa rused because i had a deadline so i couldn't make 20 pages because the max was 2 and i past that but thks for the feedback

Answer 6

Nice

Answer 7

Its pretty good I like it! Just a few tips though, first of all, try not to start any sentences with because (thats like the first thing I learned about writing) Another thing is during dialogue you would want to add an indent before the person speaks. I get that it was rushed though and its pretty good for something done so quickly! :)

Answer 8

It's good. I like it. Good Job!

Answer 9

thank you! this is second account, just to be clear

Answer 10

It does look very good.

Answer 11

i like breakfeast