i need feed bac kfor this book i wrote or story it's due for today

There was once a kid named James Afton who was the smartest in his grade. He was an a+ student and came from a well-known family of skilled business. His parents fell in love 20 years ago and 16 years later he was born. As he grew up he became lonely his parents loved him but never had time for him and but he could never find the love at his school he tried several times in girls his grade but one day out of the blue a new female student was added into his classroom she was a blond girl with green eyes and had freckles on her face at first he thought she was like the other girls but at there break she went up to him and started to talk to him he thought it was a prank but five minutes later he fell in love with her ever since then that went out on dates every weekend and a few years later had a family James works as an animatronic maker and his wife is a businesswoman for an every well-respected company that helps those who needs jobs

Marry Schmidt- Had lived with her father for the longest time and all she can remember was him always yelling at her, every day she would come home from school do her homework, and listen to her dad scream at her for not doing things when he was home all day. She never wanted to live with her dad but she knew that it was best for her until she could move with her mom. In about 6th grade I got a call that I was going to be with her mom soon and I kept going with all the cuts on her arms, I finally found the light at the end of her tunnel, but when she went to grade 7th that’s when her life changed. As soon as she walked into her new classroom she was a shy type of girl but very smart. On January 12, she fell in love with James Afton and confessed her love for him. That day she had gotten nervous then walked up to him and told him how handsome he was, the way he made her feel, and how she could see herself marrying him and how much of a gentleman he was. After about the 3 dates she asked him if he would like to be her boyfriend He said yes and she was filled with happiness and joy, After that about 7 years went by and they got married, it was a long road but they made it through, and right now we are working to make as much money as we can for the upcoming baby!

Their baby boy’s name is Luke Afton and he loves these parents and he is doing well at school, his parents and he on the weekends go out to places like the mall, parks, restaurants, etc. They

Question

i need feed bac kfor this book i wrote or story it's due for today

There was once a kid named James Afton who was the smartest in his grade. He was an a+ student and came from a well-known family of skilled business. His parents fell in love 20 years ago and 16 years later he was born. As he grew up he became lonely his parents loved him but never had time for him  and but he could never find the love at his school he tried several times in girls his grade but one day out of the blue a new female student was added into his classroom she was a blond girl with green eyes and had freckles on her face at first he thought she was like the other girls but at there break she went up to him and started to talk to him he thought it was a prank but five minutes later he fell in love with her ever since then that went out on dates every weekend and a few years later had a family James works as an animatronic maker and his wife is a businesswoman for an every well-respected company that helps those who needs jobs

Marry Schmidt- Had lived with her father for the longest time and all she can remember was him always yelling at her, every day she would come home from school do her homework, and listen to her dad scream at her for not doing things when he was home all day. She never wanted to live with her dad but she knew that it was best for her until she could move with her mom. In about 6th grade I got a call that I was going to be with her mom soon and I kept going with all the cuts on her arms, I finally found the light at the end of her tunnel, but when she went to grade 7th that’s when her life changed. As soon as she walked into her new classroom she was a shy type of girl but very smart. On January 12, she fell in love with James Afton and confessed her love for him. That day she had gotten nervous then walked up to him and told him how handsome he was, the way he made her feel, and how she could see herself marrying him and how much of a gentleman he was. After about the 3 dates she asked him if he would like to be her boyfriend He said yes and she was filled with happiness and joy, After that about 7 years went by and they got married, it was a long road but they made it through, and right now we are working to make as much money as we can for the upcoming baby!

Their baby boy’s name is Luke Afton and he loves these parents and he is doing well at school, his parents and he on the weekends go out to places like the mall, parks, restaurants, etc. They

sammixboo · Answer

I notice some small grammatical errors, and (if you don't mind me asking) what level of writing is this for? Middle school, high school, college, etc?

sammixboo · Answer

I would also avoid terms like "etc." because it can seem less academic. Either wrap up the sentence or end it with "and more"

Other than that, very interesting topic choice!

b1az3 · Answer

@sammixboo wrote:

I notice some small grammatical errors, and (if you don't mind me asking) what level of writing is this for? Middle school, high school, college, etc?

high school

sammixboo · Answer

Okay, awesome! Then it all works out except for some of the grammatical errors

b1az3 · Answer

alr thanks i'll get to it

sammixboo · Answer

Most of it is just punctuation, I can help out with that if you need

b1az3 · Answer

no thanks

sammixboo · Answer

Okay, good luck!