Question

Rate my book

Answer 1

Love and Lies: Life of a Spy
I stared at the clock waiting, five minutes later I stood up and walked toward the door, as I slowly open the door, the room was almost completely dark besides a tiny light, as my eyes were adjusting, I heard a voice say “Welcome agent Frosko , well you know why you’re here right” I replied as my eyes finally adjusted “yes sir” I replied “good, well here is your identification card and your communicator” he said, there was a table in front of me on the table there was a phone and a identification card, I picked up the identification card and put it in my wallet, the phone rang, I answered it and a familiar voice said “hello, you are the newest soldier of the High Tech Special Forces or (HTSF) I am sorry that I can meet you in person but there is an important matter that needs my attention, well agent Murdock will help you with any matter needed, if you are on a mission you will get informed of any new information or new assignment by this phone otherwise an agent will assist you, good luck soldier” he hanged up and I went home. The next day I got a message from agent Murdock it says “you better get over hear to headquarters and get ready for your first mission, i’m sending you the coordinates” I rush to headquarters and opened the door and walked to the receptionist she was in her twenties with blonde hair, blue eyes and very friendly, she checked my identification card and let me pass. As I was walking an agent came up to me and said “welcome to headquarters i’m agent Tolo, I can tell you are new because I never seen you here before so let me tell you what we do here, we develop new and improved devices and technologies, we also have combat departments and equipment development departments, If you need anything just let me know”, I said “ok thank you”, agent Tolo was in his fifties he had black hair with small gray patches, brownish eyes and he wore a white tuxedo, I saw agent Murdock and approached him, agent Murdock was in his thirties and he had black hair and brown eyes and he wore a black tuxedo, there was female agent standing beside him, she had brown hair, and hazel eyes, she wore a female tuxedo and was in her twenties, Agent Murdock said “This is agent Kas, she will be instructing you on your first mission, don’t worry it’s not to extreme”, agent Kas said “Welcome agent Frosko, your first mission will be to get agent Alen back to headquarters, here’s her address, 132 mockingbird blue road, apartment 3, and if she asks the password is 329, it is a safety precaution” as I about to walk away, I stopped and said “wait, how am I suppose to get there, I don’t even have a vehicle” she replied “then how did you get here” “I live ten minutes away, I walked” I said, “use the DB5, its over there, it has been upgraded, the tires are bulletproof, the windows are bulletproof, we improved the fuel compactor, now it can go months without needing fuel, the hood is a special solar panel we just developed, so even if the fuel does run out it will still last a long time, we also added a few other accessories and functions that are very helpful on missions” she points “here’s the keys”. As I got the keys and walked toward the DB5, I was astonished by the vehicle. It looked like something you would see in the future, the inside of the vehicle was leather furniture and very spacious and comfortable. As I arrived at agent Alen’s apartment, I exited the vehicle and locked it, I drove to apartment 3 and knocked on the door, a women said “what’s the password”, “329” I replied, agent Alen opened the door, she had brown hair, blue eyes, and a gentle voice, she wore a , she said “are you the carpool” “yes” I replied, as I stared at her, I said “sorry but haven’t we met before, you look so familiar”, as she took a minute to examine me, she gave a surprise look and said “You were at Bobby Dok’s funeral, right” surprised, I said “yes I was, but I didn’t know you were there” she said “Yes Bobby was my cousin, we never seen each other much just on the holidays” she continues “You were the guy who was going to jump out of a plane and land on the roof, weren’t you” “yeah, but Bobby said that was a bad idea in my head” I laughed remembering about the mission, I said “We should get to Headquarters”, she nodded, we went back to headquarters, agent Alen went to work on hyper solution, as I walked around, out of the corner of my eye I saw a group of agents working on a new device, as I approached the agents, one of the agents “would you like to be a test dummy” “for what exactly” I replied, one agent said “for a small memory eraser, we found a way to extract certain memory from a human we can extract the whole memory or just an hour of memory, and if so the memory can be restored, we call it “Never Mind” (N.M.)”, “that sounds interesting, but is it dangerous” I said ponderously , another agent said “we don’t think so” “I’ll do it anyway, just an hour of memory” i replied, they strapped me down and put a machine to my head, it felt like I was asleep and when I woke up, I didn’t know why I was strapped down, as I looked around empty headed, an agent said “do you remember anything” “I remember waking up and coming here, how exactly I got strapped down, I don’t remember, who are you again” after I watched them take notes, they restored my memory. As I watched the fascinated scientists scan and research their notes, I heard a “Ding” the ding sounded so familiar, I walked around for hours and never could find where the mysterious noise was coming from, it was going on nine o’clock so I started heading home, exhausted from my first day of work, I fell asleep. I woke up on a pillow covered in tears and went to work, my beginner job was the carpool, I arrived at agent Alen’s apartment, before I exited the vehicle, I thought “Isn’t it weird a secret agency has a carpool” as I laughed in my mind, agent Alen approached the vehicle, we headed for Headquarters, when we arrived at headquarters, Agent Alen and I both noticed something was out of order, as we noticed nobody was visible at the receptionists office, as we approached the main room, we saw two men holding highly advanced weapons, as I realized that the two men where my ex-partners, I told agent Alen to stay in her position and ready her weapon, as I approached the men, they quickly recognized me, “hey Sam and Tommy” I said trying not to sound angry, “oh you tryin to get in on some action to huh” Sam said aggressively “Yeah” I replied with a low growl, as Sam tossed me a highly advanced weapon I said “there is someone over there” pointing toward agent Alen”, “Kill her” Sam said when he saw her, as I readied my weapon, I quickly, turned around and smacked Sam in the face with the nozzle of the gun and kicked Tommy in the face, causing them both to hit the ground, agent Alen watch in astonishment and said “wow, very impressive agent Frosko”, we contained the criminals and searched the headquarters for all the other agents, almost everyone be contained in the reptile room with all the reptiles, except the receptionist, she was found in the receptionist’s office, she was shot with some sort of hyper electronic device, causing the skin to slightly burn and leaving a crispy bruise, she was still alive but in terrible condition, she was rushed to the hospital and was released seven days later. A meeting was called about the intruders, how they got in here, and what department did they get the weapons, how were they able to contain all the agents, and what did they want, as I intruded into the conference, I stated “As I keep trying to make sense of it myself, I realized they already were in possession of the weapons” an agent said “do you have any evidence of this”, “yes, the receptionist is at the door, she was shot they would have to pass her to enter the experiment rooms, and if they passed her without authorization then she could have called alerted the agency, so they shot her so she couldn’t report anything” I replied, “The big question is, who is their supplier” I said questioningly. I went to interrogate the men, they where furious that I betrayed them “I’m just doing my job, it’s nothing personal” I said with a smirk, I softly asked them “Who supplied you with the weaponry you were in possession of”, “Voko” Sam said furiously, “No don’t you remember, he’s dead” I said looking away, “he’s not, he’s alive, and stop thinking about her that was 2 years ago, when will you get over her” Sam replied, “You can’t just forget something like that, she died in my arms” I yelled, agent Alen said in confusion “Who is Voko”, “He is a notorious criminal, he stole anything he wanted military equipment, NASA equipment, even O.S.I equipment, but I thought I killed him”, “Yeah but he’s alive and coming for you” Sam intruded, “so what you working for him now” i replied, “yeah after you left us to die, I though, you changed” he paused and look at all the agents and started at Agent Alen and said “guess not”, “I didn’t leave you to die, you left me, why do you think I started a new life” I yelled, “Tommy are you going to say anything about that, he said we left him to die” Sam said, Tommy just sat there, Tommy was shy and always listened to Sam, he thought of Sam as his best friend, his only friend. The interrogation for today was over so I headed out of Headquarters, when all of a sudden I heard the “ding” again, as I quickly looked around I finally found where the “ding” was coming from, as I approached the “ding” I realized it was in the no access room, knowing I could not enter, I went in anyway, “I have to find out where that “ding” is coming from because it an enigma to me” I thought to myself, as I entered the room it quickly got dark only light was the glare of a small red light, as my eyes tried to adjust, I saw a glimpse of a hooded figure run past me and I heard a faint voice “Don’t worry, you will see me again” it was a faint familiar female voice, as I tried to remember who it was, I couldn’t identify the voice, seemed that I couldn’t remember certain parts of my past, the hooded figure seemed to mess with my train of thought, as I try to focus on the mysterious figure, I ran toward the figure, as I approached the hooded figure, I stumbled over something and fell to the ground, the hooded figure turned around, as I look up towards the hooded figure, I could tell it was a women by the face, she was wearing a bell around her neck, she stared at me, she looked as if she wanted to approach me, as she started to move toward me, I heard another familiar voice whispering “lets go, we don’t have time for this, we will come back to finish what we started not now”, as the women stared at me she puts her finger over her lips as if she didn’t want anybody to know she was here, I nodded to agree, knowing if she wanted to kill me she would have done it already and they probably wouldn’t believe me anyway, I watched her run into the dark side of the room, when I reached where I saw her last she was gone. I retraced my steps, trying to find what I tripped on to see if it was a clue of the mysterious visitors as I reenacted my fall, I discovered I tripped on a empty bottle of sol, as I remember there is only one store in our city that sells sol, The Mexican Tienda, I quietly left the no access room, and kept my discovery to myself and went home, as I was walking home I felt as I was being watched, as I started to speed up I heard distant footsteps quickly and softly walking away, when I reach my apartment I locked the door and wondered “How were they able to enter without anyone knowing and what were they doing, and why would someone that is trying not to get caught wear a bell”. As I layed on my bed looking up at the ceiling, I wondered why people from my past are exposing themselves, I haven’t seen Sam or Tommy in 2 years after they left me to die and the hooded women seemed familiar, I just can’t remember why. As I lay trying to remember exactly how I killed Voko, I remember I was part of the O.S.I (Office of Secret Intelligence), I was sent to stop Voko who planed to still a high tech scrambler, it was used to hide military vehicles from enemy radars, we were at Tihidi, me and Voko where fighting to the death, as he tried to stab me with a knife I jumped out of the way and he ran right off a cliff, as he held on to the ledge, I tried to help him but he decided he would rather die as I watched as him hit the rocks below and blood scattered everywhere, trying to refocus “how could anyone survive that, I saw him hit the rocks below, he was lifeless” I said curiously in my head, and remembered Voko had a son who always wanted to follow his legacy, trying to forget about Voko’s legacy, I fell asleep. The next day, as I laid on my bed, I remembered her, her name was Ashley she was my first O.S.I partner and my first love, she had brown hair and hazel eyes and was very generous, we dated for 2 years and before we could get married the O.S.I headquarters went under attack while I was out on patrol, Ashley stayed at headquarters and was shot by Voko, when I heard the news on my scanner I rushed back, when I arrived at O.S.I headquarters Ashley was dying, as I held her in my arms saying “It will be ok, everything will be ok” trying not to cry I watched as she slowly died and my heart slowly broke making it more painful to watch her go, trying to forget the past and the memories that was 2 years ago I still cry myself to sleep. “It is painful to watch someone you care about die in you arms, all I wanted to do when my first love Ashley was dying was hold her, hoping the pain would wash away” I said trying not to cry “It never did” I told the HTSF agents at a conference meeting, they wer astonished at the speech, the female agents were crying and the male agents were silent. Agent Tolo said “In all of my thirty-five years working at the HTSF I never have heard anything so sad, do you still care for her”, I paused for a second “sometimes it is difficult to deal with stress without someone, sometimes, I wish I could have switched places with her” I replied as I watched agent Alen leave the room, the conference continued as I left the room and went to speak with agent Alen, I asked “Are you okay” I could tell she was upset, she said “that’s just terrible what happened to that Ashley women” she said trying to picture it, “Yes it is but at least I was with her when she pasted, it helps comfort me knowing she didn’t die without without a loved one” I told her trying to cheer her up, as we stood there in silence “you look just like her” I said as I was getting a photo of her out of my wallet, as I showed her a photo of Ashley in her O.S.I uniform, she just started at the women and said “she is very beautiful” I paused while staring at the photo “yes, yes she is” I replied, as agent Alen was about to walk away I heard the “ding” again, I asked agent alen “do you hear that noise” “what noise” she replied “the ding” I asked “what ding” she replied “where it is coming from” I said as I walked toward where I heard the noise agent Alen followed me, the ding was coming from another no access room, me and agent Alen entered anyway. As our eyes were adjusting again I heard the mysterious female voice again “oh, I see you found me again” she started to giggle, as I saw the mysterious women figure again, as we ran after her, Agent Alen tripped and I caught her, she said “sorry” and quickly stood up the mysterious women ran right past me, and I tackled her she said “get off I have to finish the mission” “thats not happening” I said “What are you doing here” I asked as I unmasked the masked figure, it was Ashley, I froze, agent Alen said “who is it” as she saw the face of the masked women she said “isn’t that”, knowing who she was going to say I nodded, I started to feel anger and lashed out at Ashley “you lied, and I..I can’t, come one agent Alen let her do her business, it’s nobody” I took agent Alen’s hand and walked away leaving the masked women it finnish what she started, when we were out of Headquarters agent Alen said “I can’t say I know what you’re going through because I don’t but I..” I interrupted “do you want to go out”, staring blankly at me she said “if you’re just doing this because..” I interrupted again “i’m not, if she is ok and doesn’t want to be with me that’s fine I will move on, so I ask you again do you want to go out” she paused for a second to think about it, then said “Yes, how about tomorrow at seven” “that’s good for me” I replied, as we stood there agent Alen said “Call me Autumn”, “you can call me Nick” I replied with a half-smile, as I stood there staring into Autumn’s eyes I saw the reflection of Ashley knowing she was watching from a distance, I leaned in and kissed Autumn on the cheek. When Autumn left I could tell Ashley was still there I yelled “WE”RE OVER, OK” then I softly said “we were already over from the beginning, I can’t believe I ever cared about you, did you know I still cry for you, not anymore since I know the truth ” when I headed home I heard a women sniffling, knowing Ashley was crying I said “you don’t even know how it feels” then I went home. I woke up and went to work, took the DB5 to Autumn’s apartment and went back to work, I decided to notify the sergeant of Ashley I told him “I have noticed a masked figure disturbing headquarters, I’m don’t know what they are doing be it has to interfere with out work” “thank you for notifying me of this disturbance, we will have 24 hour security and will increase our surveillance to be extra secure”. After work around 6:30, I went home to get ready for my date with Autumn, when I heard a knock on the door, before I opened the door I said “Ashley i’m not in the mood, so make it fast”, I opened the door Ashley said “why do you hate me”, I replied “I don’t know maybe it is because you left me or because you lied or both, I don’t know” “I’m sorry, please take me back” she said, “you know i’m going on a date, why would I take you back anyway, I already know you don’t want to be with me” I closed and locked my apartment door, and walked past Ashley, I headed to Autumn’s apartment when I saw it was on fire, I rushed into the apartment and knocked down the door but Autumn wasn’t there, as I was about to leave Ashley showed up and said “oh she left, well I guess that means we can be together after all”, “I don’t love you Ashley not anymore and stop following me” I said, the words tore her apart, “you can’t imagine to have someone you would want to spend the rest of you life with die in your arms and turns out that person is still alive” I said, “I love Autumn not you, I hate you”, “you shouldn’t make me do this” she said as she got her phone and called someone, it was Autumn, Ashley said “if you don’t say you love me and you want to be with me, I will have one of my men kill her”, “Ashley please don’t, do this”I said “Sorry, this must be done, kill her” she said, “NO” I yelled while jumping toward Ashley, I put my hands around her neck and all the anger she caused was released “what do you want” I said angrily, “for you to die the same way I did” she said, “what, running away” I said sarcastically, “no by not being able to see the one you love” she said, “you died I couldn’t do anything about it, if I could I…”
I said slowly letting go of Ashley’s neck “I would” I said with complete grief, “but you were dead to me anyway, when you died so did my love, you should have at least explained yourself, I would have understood” I said, “I… I was scared” she said, “FOR 2 YEARS” I said intent, “I… I’m sorry, I still love you” she said quiverly, “no you don’t, if you did you would have at least said something, i’m sorry but we are done, I guess your work is more important than love” I said, as I looked around the apartment, I saw
Ashley's phone it was still on "Autumn are you there" I said, I heard movement, and then Autumn said "Yes, i'm here", with a sigh of relief, I said "where are you,"", "in a van, right outside, and don't worry those henchmen shouldn't mess with a HTSF agent" she replied with a laugh as I rushed out of the burning apartment leaving Ashley behind as she lays there in tears "I can't just leave her' I said in my head as I turned back around and went to Ashley and helped her out of the burning building, "I couldn't just leave you there' I said as walking away from her and running toward Autumn. 'Thank god you're ok" I said, "do you really love me" Autumn said with a puppy dog look, "Yes I do" I replied as I wrapped my arms around her "so do you still want to go on that date" I blurted out "yes' she replied, we decided we would just walk and talk, we past our old memories and who we were at one time, then we stared into each others eyes "I know we only new each other for a short time, but to me it's been an eternity, and I would love to spend the rest of my life with you" I said as getting down on one knee and pulled a tiny box out of my pocket "Autumn Alen will you marry me" I asked, she looked shocked and disappointed "i'm sorry, no I won't" I said in a weary tone "oh" I replied, "i'm just not ready yet, you just found out Ashley isn’t dead and I know you still have feeling for her, you have to tell her yourself how you feel" "I understand" I said, the I walked away, I went back to my apartment and sat on the ledge with my feet hanging off "why don't I just jump and end all of this pain" I wondered while looking off into the distance. The next day I went to work, I quit carpool so I wouldn't have to deal with Autumn’s grief, as I entered Headquarters I remembered the “Never Mind” device, I went to the developers of the “Never Mind” "can you erase 40 hours of my memory" I asked "yes" an agent replied, after my 40 hours of memory was erased the developers explained what happened and I went to my apartment to get ready for my date with Autumn, I arrived at Autumn's apartment and said “are you ready for our date” “wha.. Wait one moment” she said as she closed the door, five minutes later she opened the door and said “i’m ready now”, we drove around in the DB5, forgetting all about Ashley, I heard a *ding*, I slowly pressed the brakes and looked around, “how about we just walk” I said as getting out of the car, as I stared at Autumn’s face I could tell she was worried, we walked into a park “I know we just knew each other for a short time, but I love you Autumn and I won’t stop loving you so there is only one thing I have to ask you” I said as getting down on one knee “Autumn Alen will you marry me”,“ye..yes” she said, forgetting about last time, relieved she didn’t say no, I put the ring on her finger and kissed her on the lips, as I stared into her beautiful eyes I saw Ashley, trying not to see Ashley I looked at her face, I still seen Ashley, I looked away, “what’s wrong” Autumn said, “n...nothing” I replied, knowing to forget about her I must tell her how I fell, back at my apartment I said “Ashley I know you’re there, come on out, I got to talk to you”, Ashley opened the door, “The truth is Ash…” she interrupted “I know, I saw” “no that’s not it” I said rudley trying not to let my emotions get the best of me “the truth is Ashley... I still love you and I always will, but I don’t want you to share my feelings because i’m over you, that’s just something that had to be said, you can find someone better than me”, She hugged me “thank you, I needed to hear that for myself, I should have told you the truth, i’m sorry for all the trouble I caused” she said, I could tell she was still disappointed but happy she told the truth this time, when I arrived at Autumn’s apartment she said “are you okay, yesterday you seemed upset”
As I stared into her eyes I smiled and said “I’m more than ok, I’m fantastic” I took a quick pause of relief “Now.. how about that date” I said ecstatically .

Answer 2

I like it very much, my only critique is a grammatic one though.

Answer 3

Add commas either before or after "said"

Answer 4

And spelling, check your spelling a bit

Answer 5

weird alternate ending, starting in the burning apartment

Ashley’s phone it was still on, “Autumn are you there” no answer “Autumn are you there” still no answer, “Autumn please answer if you are there” no answer “YOU” I said angrily to Ashley “why did you bring her in it at all” I said while taking out my revolver, “What are you doing, you never used a gun in you life” Ashley said, “oh yes I have, there is a lot you don’t know about me, well there is a lot I don’t know about you either”I replied while aiming the revolver at Ashley “you can’t hurt me anymore, ashley, you life is done for, again”, I paused for a second “It wouldn’t have to end this way, if you only told the truth” I said as I quickly moved the gun to my head and pulled the trigger. As my body fell to the floor, Ashley yelled “NO” rushing to my body she said “WHY”, then a familiar voice softly said to her “Now you know how it really feels, just as I did, the pain, the lies, the love”, then she ran out of the burning building and went to finish her mission. I looked around and started to laugh still in pain, I wiped the paint off my head and called Autumn, she answered "are you ok" I asked, "I'm fine" she replied, "where are you" I asked, "right outside" she answered, I ran out of the burning building, and saw Autumn, "wow, what a first date" "I wonder what the second will be like" I laughed

Answer 6

Its very time consuming but in a good way that would make you wanna keep reading

Answer 7

good job

Answer 8

Yeah, I would say it's a good plot BUT I would say the grammar and spell check should be in order. Make sure to always keep a period at the end of a sentence. Like:

Hello, my name is Jimmy.

NOT LIKE:

Hello, my name is Jimmy .

Make sure to type how you write. Just think, "Do I space out my periods when I write on paper?"

Answer 9

Shrek status