Can I make this any better, I could use some ideas from others. This is fiction so anything can happen but don't make it too strange, Thanks!

Blog 2: The most forgotten Astronaut on the moon
(Michael Collins)
07/16/69 July, 16th 1969

By: Rylee88 (First-Person~Historical Fiction) Date:10/20/22

It was July 16, 1969. I Michael Collins am piloting the Apollo 11 Command Module. It was the rocket launching day for the First men on the moon. It was Neil Armstrong, Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin, and I, Michael Collins going into space to land on the moon. We’re not sure when we will get there, but we were going to get there one way or another. Of course, I was apprehensive, celebrating my family, what will transpire when we reach the moon, what will it change, and will it be for the good or worse. I was looking out the window of course since I’m the piolet and the stars were resplendent and astounding, I visually perceived the planets and the sun and the earth, it was breathtaking.

It has been 3 days making today July 19, 1969. We’ve been on here for a long time, verbalizing, and playing games, and there’s nothing to authentically do but wait… I couldn’t wait to go back to earth cogitating what I’ll verbalize when I optically discern them enthused. I had mentally conceived What if we don’t make it back, then what? What will transpire will they send more and act like we were never a thing? But that didn’t prevent me from perpetuating it. I will perpetuate to go, until my mission is done, for me, my family, my friends, and the future world. The main reason we are going to the moon is for the mazuma. But another reason is to let scientists ken what the planets are, the views of earth, and their test studies/hypotheses.

It now has been 2 days, Little did we know it was the day we landed on the moon. We were very proximate to the moon, making me more apprehensive but exhilarated. After a few more hours we landed On The Moon. It was enthusing, we were determinately here. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin has went out onto the moon, I would have gone additionally. But, I had to keep the craft in orbit. Neil Armstrong stuck our flag into the moon. We, the U.S (United States) were the first, to land on the moon. We were going back home, conclusively. We had verbalized our experiences

Question

Can I make this any better, I could use some ideas from others. This is fiction so anything can happen but don't make it too strange, Thanks!

Blog 2:                 The most forgotten Astronaut on the moon
                                              (Michael Collins)
                                         07/16/69 July, 16th 1969

By: Rylee88              (First-Person~Historical Fiction)                                                           Date:10/20/22

It was July 16, 1969. I Michael Collins am piloting the Apollo 11 Command Module. It was the rocket launching day for the First men on the moon. It was Neil Armstrong, Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin, and I, Michael Collins going into space to land on the moon. We’re not sure when we will get there, but we were going to get there one way or another. Of course, I was apprehensive, celebrating my family, what will transpire when we reach the moon, what will it change, and will it be for the good or worse. I was looking out the window of course since I’m the piolet and the stars were resplendent and astounding, I visually perceived the planets and the sun and the earth, it was breathtaking.

It has been 3 days making today July 19, 1969. We’ve been on here for a long time, verbalizing, and playing games, and there’s nothing to authentically do but wait… I couldn’t wait to go back to earth cogitating what I’ll verbalize when I optically discern them enthused. I had mentally conceived What if we don’t make it back, then what? What will transpire will they send more and act like we were never a thing? But that didn’t prevent me from perpetuating it. I will perpetuate to go, until my mission is done, for me, my family, my friends, and the future world. The main reason we are going to the moon is for the mazuma. But another reason is to let scientists ken what the planets are, the views of earth, and their test studies/hypotheses.

It now has been 2 days, Little did we know it was the day we landed on the moon. We were very proximate to the moon, making me more apprehensive but exhilarated. After a few more hours we landed On The Moon. It was enthusing, we were determinately here. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin has went out onto the moon, I would have gone additionally. But, I had to keep the craft in orbit. Neil Armstrong stuck our flag into the moon. We, the U.S (United States) were the first, to land on the moon. We were going back home, conclusively. We had verbalized our experiences

Rylee88 · Answer

Now, for any further replies, this DOES have to be on Michael Collins the man who piloted the Apollo 11 Command Module Space Craft.

MaxTon · Answer

u wrote that

Alexis1415 · Answer

I think it is great the way it is personally, it is in first person which makes the reader more Intrigued and fascinated in the story and dialogue. I think it doesn't need anything in my honest opinion, it is written splendidly. Good job rylee! <3

If anyone thinks otherwise please let rylee know your honest opinion so she may enhance her skills? If you truly believe so.

MaxTon · Answer

@alexis1415 wrote:

I think it is great the way it is personally, it is in first person which makes the reader more Intrigued and fascinated in the story and dialogue. I think it doesn't need anything in my honest opinion, it is written splendidly. Good job rylee! <3 If anyone thinks otherwise please let rylee know your honest opinion so she may enhance her skills? If you truly believe so.

Anything with space got me hooked, she should do sum on NASA

Alexis1415 · Answer

@alexis1415 wrote:

I think it is great the way it is personally, it is in first person which makes the reader more Intrigued and fascinated in the story and dialogue. I think it doesn't need anything in my honest opinion, it is written splendidly. Good job rylee! <3 If anyone thinks otherwise please let rylee know your honest opinion so she may enhance her skills? If you truly believe so.

To add on to what I was saying, I think this sounds like it looks like it would be a book like you can write a book and publish sort of thing. So great job tbhhh.

Rylee88 · Answer

This is supposed to be first person and this is for school homework lol not just a story but it IS fiction so thank you for your opinions and statements.

Rylee88 · Answer

@maxton wrote:

u wrote that

Yes, I did.

Alexis1415 · Answer

Did you submit it yet? Or were you getting feedback to submit it

Rylee88 · Answer

I'm looking for some feedback.