Question

I'm workin on a story. It's not very good, but whatever
Chapter 1- Athan:

I was aroused by my pitbull, Pyro, nudging my side. I patted him on the head and looked at the clock. 1pm already?! I jumped out of bed and changed into my long, baggy sweatpants and kissed my sleeping girlfriend on the forehead before running out of the pristine apartment, grabbing my keys on the way out of the door.
I ran down the stairs, three steps at a time. Tripping over myself, I grabbed the railing and held myself up. A whispered shout came out of my mouth before a tall, teen girl started walking up the stairs. Stopping only to stare at me then moving beside me and running up the rest of the steps, escaping into her apartment, slamming the door behind her.
I straightened myself and walked, slowly, down the rest of the steps. As I opened the front door, I could see the landlord walking towards me. I hadn’t paid the rent for the last couple months and did not have time to be given a speech this morning. I shut the door and ran to the back of the building, exiting through the staff door as quickly as possible.
“Where are you goin’ in such a hurry this mornin’, Athan?” The groundskeeper questioned, a large mop in hand.
“Believe it or not, a job.” I lied, running for my honda civic and driving away as fast as I could, without drawing attention.
I drove quietly through the backroads, but as I came closer and closer to the store me and Destiny, my “partner in crime,” were going to rob, my heart beat faster. My chest got tight and breathing was hard. I reached into the back, grabbing my dark duffel bag, fishing my inhaler out. I took a deep breath then threw it back into the back.
I finally got to the store, parking near the back door of the store. I walked slowly up to the front, seeing Destiny watching from the bushes no more than ten feet away. I quickly picked the lock then opened it, peeking inside. No one was in the back, so I turned to Destiny, tilting my head slightly (a signal for her to come).
Destiny ran over and crept into the store. All of a sudden, someone grabbed Destiny's arm and pushed her to the floor. Destiny screamed and kicked the offender multiple times, one kick hitting his head. The tall man fell over, but quickly got back up.
“Stop! You’re just going to make everything worse!” The man yelped before I landed the first punch.
“Make what worse?” Destiny asked, peeking out from behind me.

Answer 1

“I know you’re the one robbing all the stores. I’ve tracked you down. I have evidence.” The man said, rubbing his eye and blocking his face.
I went to punch him again, but Destiny grabbed my arm and whispered, once I looked at her, “I can’t get caught. I’ve already had problems with the law. I don’t need to be arrested, Athan.”
I turned back to the man, punching him again anyway. Destiny hollered, pulling him away from me and blocking him from any more blows.
“What do you want?” Destiny asked him when I finally stopped trying to beat up the guy.
“Ju-just turn yourselves in..” he said, blocking his face again, expecting another punch to his face.
“You see, we can’t do that.” Destiny said, then added, “Then we’ll be linked to the other robberies and we’ll get in a lot of trouble, you know?”
He tried to roll over, to escape, and a card fell out his pocket. I grabbed his leg as Destiny picked the paper up.
“Derrick Dunes, DCI.”
Destiny turned her face quickly towards me and questioned, “Why are you here? You could drag us in right now. Why aren’t you?”
“Honestly..” Dunes said quietly, “I need you to turn yourselves in and act like I took you down..”
I scoffed, turning my head away and said, “So, you want to look good for the “sergeant”?? That’s seriously what this is about?”
Destiny laughed slightly, sounding nervous. I looked at her, and was surprised by her frown. I shook my head and forced a laugh.
“I won’t tell about your other crimes. I will make sure this attempted one is the only one that you are accused of. Please just come with me.”
Destiny shook her head, backing away slowly, on her knees, into a corner. She looked worried, her hands moving her face as she dropped her head.
“What’s wrong?” I questioned.
“I..I can’t be caug-...” She said, choking on her words.
I tilted my head, trying to see her face. Was she serious right now? I knelt down next to her, and said, “We’re not going to get caught. I’ll take care of this dude.”
Dunes jumped up, and started running for the door, but I quickly caught him, pushing him back to the floor.
“ATHAN!” Destiny yelled, punching me in the side when I went to punch Dunes.
I turned towards her, a look of betrayal in my eyes.
“Please, Athan.” Destiny said then added, “I’ve done bad things…things that I can’t explain..”
I turned back to punch Dunes, but was caught in the back of the head with a firm thunk.
Everything went dark as I dropped to the floor.




Chapter 2- Ayla:

“Name.” I said and waited for a reply. When I didn’t get one, I looked up at the muscular man that had just been dragged in.
“I need to call my girlfriend.” was his only response.
“If you want to call anyone, you will tell me your name, “sir”.” I said, my voice full of sarcasm.
“Athan Bates, “ma’am.”.” he said, mimicking my sarcasm.
“If you want to strike a tone with me, you’re not going to have a great rest of your day.” I said, firmly.
“One: you started it.” He said, sounding like a little kid listing his reasons, then added, “Two: it’s called freedom of speech lady.”
I shook my head and typed in his name, then looked to the side to see a skinny lady. A lady who looked slightly familiar, but I ignored that.
“Name?” I asked.
“Um..” the girl said, shaking slightly before shaking her head, as if she forgot her own name.
“Ma’am, I need to know your name.”
Athan turned to the lady, then back to me, the lady shaking her head even more now, “She is Destiny Lane.”
Suddenly everything clicked. I remembered this girl now. The one who got away. The one who hurt so many, but somehow went off the grid until now. Somehow Derrick Dunes has brought this girl in, probably not knowing anything she had done.
I pulled up her name in the system and the crime she had committed, not quite three years before instantly came up.
“How dare you hurt so many?” I questioned, an angry look in my eyes, staring straight into Destiny’s eyes.
Athan looked back and forth between me and Destiny before asking, “What do you mean?? Whatever she’s done, I have.. why aren’t you questioning me?”
I believe that was the first ever criminal to come in and say something like, “accuse me!”
“Wowww you must be living one big lie, aren’t you Ms. Lane?” I asked, slightly stunned that even this man (who I assumed was her boyfriend) didn’t know of her past life or offense.
Athan, still confused, looked between me and Destiny, making it seem as though a silent tennis match was going on between the two of us.
“I can’t believe you.” I spat and grabbed Destiny’s arm and, after getting all credentials, pulled Destiny into a small dark cell, locking the door behind me and walking back out to Athan, who looked worried.
“This is your first offense according to this report, and it was only an attempted robbery. The owner has decided not to press charges. So, we’re letting you off with a warning.”
Athan shook his head slowly and blurted, “This isn’t my first offense!”
Me, believing he was saying this only to help his girlfriend escape, had the guards escort him out of the building.
I walked up to Dunes, in the break room, patting him on the back and grabbing a tall bottle of water, “Good Job man. This is going to make you look really good with Caddel.”
Dunes started to nod, when all of a sudden, Detective Sergeant, Stephen Caddel walked into the break room.
“I heard who you pulled in today, good job Dunes.” Caddel said, sounding impressed.
Stephen Caddel, a tough, bulky detective sergeant gave little congratulations, so when I heard what he said, my stomach dropped. I had never even heard those words come from his mouth in my 10 years of service. I quietly slipped out of the room, not wanting to hear anymore praise towards Dunes.
As soon as I sat at my desk, thoughts flooded my brain. How did dumb Dunes catch a most wanted criminal?? How did he do it? He had never caught a criminal, not one, and he suddenly gets one that’s been wanted for about three years?
These thoughts continued after I checked in on Destiny and left the building and criminal in the hands of the senior guards.
I exited the building and walked slowly towards my car, which, as usual, I parked at the very edge of the parking lot. I grabbed the passenger side door handle and started to pull it open when an attempted punch flew by my face.
I grabbed the fist, twisting it around the guys back before I realized it was the guy who came in with Destiny. What was his name…? Oh yeah, Athan.
Athan yelped and turned his face towards me and said, “Please, ma’am, I just need Destiny.”
I shook my head and kept his fist behind his back, his face turning a pained shade of red.
“What did she do?” Athan whispered, then turned back to the car that he was currently being pushed up against.
“Something she will forever regret if she doesn’t get the death penalty.


Chapter 3- Athan:

“The death penalty?!” I yelled, trying to turn and causing more pain to myself by doing so.
The DCI agent nodded her head and gave a sound of confirmation.
She pushed me into the building, hands still behind my back. We walked into the interrogation room and she sat me down at the table, holding cuffs up in a warning for me to behave.
She called in someone and she walked out. Well, finally, a man walked in, I wished I hadn’t tried to punch the lady DCI agent.
“So, I see you got yourself into a little predicament you didn’t have to be in.” Derrick Dunes said as he walked into the room.
“You promised that the attempted crime would be the only one either of us were accused of!” I screamed.
Dunes looked at the camera and back at me, then said, “I have no idea what you are talking about. Do you need a glass of water? Is your head feeling alright?”
“My head is feeling better than it ever has!!” I screamed even louder, hoping the first DCI would come in, wondering what all the ruckus was for, but she didn’t.
Instead, Dunes leaned down right next to my chair, hand on my back, looked me in the eyes and whispered, “If I remember correctly, I promised one of you that. I said that I’d make sure you were not accused. Not little Mrs. FireStarter in there,” gesturing towards where I assumed the cell room was.
“FireStarter?” I wondered, looking around the room and then straight at the small camera in the far corner.
“Oh no. Don’t you even think you’re going to get out of here.” then whispered, “you did this to yourself. You were going to be free. Now you’re not,” then started reading a form, one I found to be my criminal records, “One offense. And what is it pray tell? Oh yeah. Attempted assault of an active Arcola police department worker,” looking at the camera and smirking.
“I’m sorry. What was that for?” I said, motioning towards his face.
“Just a little…inside joke.” he said, looking at the camera again.

Ayla:

I wanted to yell at Dunes when he tried calling me, a senior DCI, an Arcola police department worker. I’ve been here longer than him, have more experience, yet I am still treated like trash.

Athan:

I looked at the camera, a confused expression on my face then said, “okay..” and got ready for a long night.
Two Hours Later:

Dunes grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the door, pushing me out of the room.
“What are you doing??” the female DCI asked.
“He attempted assault, Ayla Marie,” he said, using full name in, I guess, an attempt to annoy her.
“You 're not trained well for this job.” she said, then added, “it was attempted battery, Dunes, and I am not pressing charges. I have forgiven him.”
Dunes dropped my arm from his grasp and gasped loudly, “Forgiven??”
Marie nodded and turned towards me. I smiled and mouthed the words, “thank you.”
“He is guilty!! You can’t just let him back into the world!” Dunes screamed.
Ayla smirked and motioned for me to follow her, starting to walk towards the door and saying once we got far enough from Dunes, “Please do not make this any worse. Just go home, let your girlfriend go.”
“My girlfriend?” I questioned.
“Destiny?” Marie said, confused.
I shook my head, “She’s not my girlfriend. Why would I ask to call my girlfriend if Destiny was my girlfriend??”
Marie shrugged and walked away, allowing me to walk out by myself, letting me “back into the world.”

One Week Later:

The news has never been something I have watched so closely. I watched it everyday and even bought the daily newspaper. A newspaper!
This morning felt different. The news was quiet, so I forced myself to shower. I went fast, stressed I may miss something on Destiny. When I got out, my phone was filled with notifications. The news came in faster and faster and everyone I talked to (not very many people) were messaging me. I saw Destiny’s name throughout them all as I scrolled.
I clicked into a news report and my heart dropped when I saw the title of the article.
“The FireStarter, Destiny Lane, has finally been caught. Being sentenced to execution.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off the last word. My brain couldn’t take it and I ran out of the apartment. I ran, bumping into the landlord, but kept running.
“Hey!” She screeched, and added, “I need your rent, Ath!”
I turned around quickly while running, wondering where she had heard my nickname from Destiny. As well as why she’d choose to ever use it now. Maybe I had heard her wrong..but all I could see was Destiny. Dying. I kept running, pushing the door open and running to the car.
I started it and drove as fast as I could to the police office. I was halfway there when the car stopped. I looked around fast.
“Seriously?! Right now?!” I screamed, opened the door, got out, and slammed the door behind me.
I started running, knowing I could never run as fast as Destiny could. Every thought that came to mind was Destiny. She had been my best friend since birth. We had grown up together. Every achievement, every breakdown, she was there for. I needed her. She was my main supporter. Even over my own girlfriend, she supported me most.
I finally got to the station, tears streaming down my face. I pushed through the crowd at the door, waiting for Destiny’s execution sentence date. Everyone was standing, cheering for Destiny’s future death. I pushed the officers at the door aside and ran through, searching for Officer Marie.
Officer Dunes jumped out in front of me and started talking, “Look who’s back! I am guessing you are trying to get Ms. Lanes out?”
“I don’t have time for this! I need to talk to Officer Lanes!” I yelled, lightly pushing past him and running back towards Lanes's office area.
Dunes grabbed me and pushed me to the ground. I didn’t want to cause any more issues as I rolled out from under his grasp and got up fast.
“Please!” I ran and found Lanes.
She turned towards me as she heard me running, “What are you doing here?”
My phone buzzed again, more news coming in and I showed it to Lanes.

Ayla:

“I apologize for this, but she has done too much for anything else. She even stated, on tape, that she will rather not live than stay in prison the rest of her life. I am truly sorry.” I said, putting a sad face on, but excited for what was going to happen.
I apologized to Athan while Dunes watched, Athan shaking his head in fear and distress. He whirled around, looking around, who for I did not know.
Athan ran towards DS Caddel, and Dunes grabbed his arm. Athan twisted his arm and kept running, and got close to the sergeant, before Dunes could grab him again.
“SERGEANT!” Athan screamed, reaching his hand out, and the sergeant turned quickly. Caddel scowlded Dunes, looking confused.
“Who is this young man?” DS Caddel questioned, shaking Athan's outstretched hand and making Dunes release his grip.
“He helped FireStarter with the attempted robbery. He’s her friend.” Dunes reported quickly, cracking his knuckles (an attempt to look tough).
“To begin with, Dunes, I believe I have stated that I do not approve of that “nickname” around here. She was a bit younger at the time. She did not notice what she was doing.” he said, slowly.
“Then why are you doing this to her?!” Athan cried, “She’s barely an adult. She has a life ahead of her. Please, Sergeant Caddel. Please.”
Athan begged and pleaded until Caddel raised his hand, “I apologize, but this town will not feel safe until Ms. Lanes is gone. Ms. Lanes has gone in front of a jury, and unfortunately, they have already decided.”
Athan started crying and Caddel put his hand on Athan’s shoulder slowly, “If it helps any, Lanes’s execution has been decided to be a private execution. This means, the executioner and a verified witness will be there to see..”
Athan shook his head fast, “I need to be there! I can’t let her die alone!”
I looked at Athan and said, “She won’t die…alone. I will be there. I am sitting in as the witness for this case.”
Athan shouted randomly and shook his head fast. Dunes grabbed his arm and started to walk him out, but Sergeant Caddel stopped him.
“She will be okay.” he said, simply, then let Dunes escort Athan out of the station.

One Hour Later:

I grabbed my bag and walked into the cellroom. I placed my bag on the floor and opened it slowly. Reaching in, I heard a sound behind me.
“What are you doing here?” I heard Destiny’s voice whisper.
I turned around, a key peeking out of my hand, hiding it from the view of cameras, “Be ready. Soon.”
Destiny nodded slowly, looking disappointed for the cameras and shuffled her feet, bored.
A minute later I walked out of the cellroom, as a police officer walked in, cuffs in hand. I looked confused.
“What are those for, Officer?” I asked, slowly, looking in the door at Destiny.
“Sergeant and DCI Dunes want to question Ms. FireStarter again,” she said in disgust, shaking her head and walking into the room.
“Sergeant doesn’t approve of that nickname!” I shouted after the beginning officer, following in after her.
The officer shrugged and mumbled something, “Whatever..”
I followed her as she unlocked the cell and reached for Destiny’s arms, cuffing them and pulling her out. Destiny let the officer take her out and dropped her head.
“Is this an open interrogation?” I asked, grabbing one of Destiny’s cuffed hands and standing firmly.
“I do not think we have been properly introduced, Ms. Marie.” she said fast and added, “I am Officer Syders. I have gone through the training and hard work for this job! I would appreciate it if you would just let me do it. Thanks,” pulling Destiny out of the room and towards the interrogation room.


Athan:

Bing
I sat up quickly, grabbing my phone, checking my many notifications. I read a text from an unknown number, slowly.
I saw dess is stuck in the slammer?! AND on death sentence?!? what did you do?!!
I read the text a few times, recognizing it was Dolly, one of Destiny’s closest friends from the nickname “Dess.” I typed multiple messages, deleting each one before sending.
I see you typing you fool! Just answer me!!
I typed back fast saying, “I did nothing,” and sent quickly. She tried to call and I declined immediately. I didn’t need anyone else yelling at me. I was already attacking myself on the inside.
I’m comin down there. Youre gonna regret declining that call! and whatever you did to put dess in that horrid place!!
I dropped the phone into my pocket and laid in bed, laying a pillow over my face. Dolly had always been dramatic, but also really protective of Destiny. She treated Destiny as someone would a baby sister. She’d always seen me as a threat, a bad influence, on Destiny.

Answer 2

Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. It's not a great story and I am still working on it:)

Answer 3

how can u type that much????????????

Answer 4

XD workin hard

Answer 5

ooooooooo thats nice

Answer 6

lol im tryna make it better. we'll see how it turns out :)

Answer 7

mk

Answer 8

Vucu0ccyugugxxtidttd

Answer 9

what?????

Answer 10

huh?

Answer 11

Bravo, it's good. Though you made my brain melt..m

Answer 12

lol how?

Answer 13

how is that posible???

Answer 14

I can read your story but not my homework lmao

Answer 15

XD lol thanks?

Answer 16

I should steal this 😈

Answer 17

please dont

Answer 18

I'm playing, smh, good work!

Answer 19

thank you! :)

Answer 20

This is a really good story, it's extremely detailed and you have an excellent word choice. I also love your style of dialogue and story structure

Answer 21

really good

Answer 22

Laylalyssa thank you so much! :)

Answer 23

Arieonna thank you! :D

Answer 24

SO GOOD!!! <3333

Answer 25

madzisded thank you:)

Answer 26

literally took me like 30 min to read- i cant tell if thats long or short XD but seriously, its so engaging! i was interested the whole time i was reading, i didnt wanna look away ^^ I would like to say that i did get the POVs mixed up at the beginning and some spots in the middle, but overall amazing story, i was so invested. It shows lots of emotion and relationships (friendships, dating, etc.) GREAT STORYY

Answer 27

HannahV1234 this is a long story. I am still working on it and have a lot to add and edit before it is completed. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying it! :)