Question

Hello! Idk if this is allowed lol, but I could use some feedback on my story so far. XD If anyone can jus' read it an' let me know what you think, it'd be appreciates :)

Answer 1

Chapter 1- Athan:

I was aroused by my pitbull, Pyro, nudging my side. I patted him on the head and looked at the clock. 1pm already?! I jumped out of bed and changed into my long, baggy sweatpants and kissed my sleeping girlfriend on the forehead before running out of the pristine apartment, grabbing my keys on the way out of the door.
I ran down the stairs, three steps at a time. Tripping over myself, I grabbed the railing and held myself up. A whispered shout came out of my mouth before a tall, teen girl started walking up the stairs. Stopping only to stare at me, then moving beside me and running up the rest of the steps, escaping into her apartment, slamming the door behind her.
I straightened myself and walked, slowly, down the rest of the steps. As I opened the front door, I could see the landlord walking towards me. I hadn’t paid the rent for the last couple months and did not have time to be given a speech this morning. I shut the door and ran to the back of the building, exiting through the staff door as quickly as possible.
“Where are you goin’ in such a hurry this mornin’, Athan?” The groundskeeper questioned, a large mop in hand.
“Believe it or not, a job.” I lied, running for my honda civic and driving away as fast as I could, without drawing attention.
I drove quietly through the backroads, but as I came closer and closer to the store me and Destiny, my “partner in crime,” were going to rob, my heart beat got faster. My chest got tight and breathing was hard. I reached into the back, grabbing my dark duffel bag, fishing my inhaler out. I took a deep breath then threw it back into the rear seats.
I finally got to the store, parking near the back exit. I walked slowly up to the doors, seeing Destiny watching from the bushes no more than ten feet away. I quickly picked the lock and opened it, peeking inside. No one was in sight, so I turned to Destiny, tilting my head slightly (a signal for her to come).
Destiny ran over and crept into the store. All of a sudden, someone grabbed Destiny's arm and pushed her to the floor. Destiny screamed and kicked the offender multiple times, one kick hitting his head. The man fell over, but quickly got back up.
“Stop! You’re just going to make everything worse!” The man yelped before I landed the first punch.
“Make what worse?” Destiny asked, peeking out from behind me.
“I know you’re the one robbing the stores. I’ve tracked you down. I have evidence.” The man said, rubbing his eye and blocking his face.
I went to punch him again, but Destiny grabbed my arm and whispered, once I looked at her, “I can’t get caught. I’ve already had problems with the law. I don’t need to be arrested, Athan.”
I turned back to the man, punching him again anyway. Destiny hollered, pulling him away from me and blocking him from any more blows.
“What do you want?” Destiny asked him when I finally stopped trying to beat up the guy.
“Ju-just turn yourselves in..” he said, blocking his face again, expecting another punch to his face.
“You see, we can’t do that.” Destiny said, then added, “Then we’ll be linked to the other robberies and we’ll get in a lot of trouble, you know?”
He tried to roll over, to escape, and a card fell out his pocket. I grabbed his leg as Destiny picked the small paper up.
“Derrick Dunes, DCI.”
Destiny turned her face quickly towards me, then back at him and questioned, “Why are you here? You could drag us in right now. Why aren’t you?”
“Honestly..” Dunes said quietly, “I need you to turn yourselves in and act like I took you down..”
I scoffed, turning my head away and said, “So, you want to look good for the “sergeant”?? That’s seriously what this is about?”
Destiny laughed slightly, sounding nervous. I looked at her, and was surprised by her frown. I shook my head and forced a laugh.
“I won’t tell about your other crimes. I will make sure this attempted one is the only one that you are accused of. Please just come with me.”
Destiny shook her head, backing away slowly, on her knees, into a corner. She looked worried, her hands moving towards her face as she dropped her head.
“What’s wrong?” I questioned.
“I..I can’t be caug-...” She said, choking on her words.
I tilted my head, trying to see her face. Was she serious right now? I knelt down next to her, and said, “We’re not going to get caught. I’ll take care of this dude.”
Dunes jumped up, and started running for the door, but I quickly caught him, pushing him back to the floor.
“ATHAN!” Destiny yelled, punching me in the side when I went to punch Dunes.
I turned towards her, a look of betrayal in my eyes.
“Please, Athan.” Destiny said then added, “I’ve done bad things…things that I can’t explain..”
I turned back to punch Dunes, but was caught in the back of the head with a firm thunk.
I turned to see a female officer, something in her hands. I had no time to think. Everything went dark as I dropped to the floor.




Chapter 2- Ayla:

“Name.” I said and waited for a reply. When I didn’t get one, I looked up at the muscular man that had just been dragged in.
“I need to call my girlfriend.” was his only response.
“If you want to call anyone, you will tell me your name, “sir”.” I said, my voice full of sarcasm.
“Athan Bates, “ma’am.”.” he said, mimicking my sarcasm.
“If you want to strike a tone with me, you’re not going to have a great rest of your day.” I said, firmly.
“One: you started it.” He said, sounding like a little kid listing his reasons, then added, “Two: it’s called freedom of speech lady.”
I shook my head and typed in his name, then looked to the side to see a skinny lady with bright blue eyes. A lady who looked slightly familiar, but I ignored that.
“Name?” I asked.
“Um..” the girl said, shivering slightly before shaking her head, as if she forgot her own name.
“Ma’am, I need to know your name.”
Athan turned to the lady, then back to me, the lady shaking her head even more now, “She is Destiny Lane.”
Suddenly everything clicked. I remembered this girl now. The one who got away. The one who hurt so many, but somehow went off the grid until now. Somehow Derrick Dunes has brought this girl in, probably not knowing anything she had done.
I pulled up her name in the system and the crime she had committed, not quite three years before instantly came up.
“How dare you hurt so many?” I questioned, an angry look in my eyes, staring straight into Destiny’s eyes.
Athan looked back and forth between me and Destiny before asking, “What do you mean?? Whatever she’s done, I have.. why aren’t you questioning me?”
I believe that was the first ever criminal to come in and say something like, “accuse me!”
“Wowww you must be living one big lie, aren’t you Ms. Lane?” I asked, slightly stunned that even this man (who I assumed was her boyfriend) didn’t know of her past life or offense.
Athan, still confused, looked between me and Destiny, making it seem as though a silent tennis match was going on between the two of us.
“I can’t believe you.” I spat and grabbed Destiny’s arm and, after getting all credentials, pulled Destiny into a small dark cell, locking the door behind me and walking back out to Athan, who looked worried.
“This is your first offense according to this report, and it was only an attempted robbery. The owner has decided not to press charges. So, we’re letting you off with a warning.”
Athan shook his head slowly and blurted, “This isn’t my first offense!”
Me, believing he was saying this only to help his girlfriend escape, had the guards escort him out of the building.
I walked up to Dunes, in the break room, patting him on the back and grabbing a tall bottle of water, “Good Job man. This is going to make you look really good with Caddel.”
Dunes started to nod, when all of a sudden, Detective Sergeant, Stephen Caddel walked into the break room.
“I heard who you pulled in today, good job Dunes.” Caddel said, sounding impressed.
Stephen Caddel, a tough, bulky detective sergeant gave little congratulations, so when I heard what he said, my stomach dropped. I had never even heard those words come from his mouth in my 10 years of service. I quietly slipped out of the room, not wanting to hear anymore praise towards Dunes.
As soon as I sat at my desk, thoughts flooded my brain. How did dumb Dunes catch a most wanted criminal?? How did he do it? He had never caught a criminal, not one, and he suddenly gets one that’s been wanted for about three years?
These thoughts continued after I checked in on Destiny and left the building and criminal in the hands of the senior guards.
I exited the building and walked slowly towards my car, which, as usual, I parked at the very edge of the parking lot. I grabbed the passenger side door handle and started to pull it open when an attempted punch flew by my face.
I grabbed the fist, twisting it around the guys back before I realized it was the guy who came in with Destiny. What was his name…? Oh yeah, Athan.
Athan yelped and turned his face towards me and said, “Please, ma’am, I just need Destiny.”
I shook my head and kept his fist behind his back, his face turning a pained shade of red.
“What did she do?” Athan whispered, then turned back to the car that he was currently being pushed up against.
“Something she will forever regret if she doesn’t get the death penalty.


Chapter 3- Athan:

“The death penalty?!” I yelled, trying to turn and causing more pain to myself by doing so.
The DCI agent nodded her head and gave a sound of confirmation.
She pushed me into the building, hands still behind my back. We walked into the interrogation room and she sat me down at the table, holding cuffs up in a warning for me to behave.
She called in someone and she walked out. Well, finally, a man walked in, I wished I hadn’t tried to punch the lady DCI agent.
“So, I see you got yourself into a little predicament you didn’t have to be in.” Derrick Dunes said as he walked into the room.
“You promised that the attempted crime would be the only one either of us were accused of!” I screamed.
Dunes looked at the camera and back at me, then said, “I have no idea what you are talking about. Do you need a glass of water? Is your head feeling alright?”
“My head is feeling better than it ever has!!” I screamed even louder, hoping the first DCI would come in, wondering what all the ruckus was for, but she didn’t.
Instead, Dunes leaned down right next to my chair, hand on my back, looked me in the eyes and whispered, “If I remember correctly, I promised one of you that. I said that I’d make sure you were not accused. Not little Mrs. FireStarter in there,” gesturing towards where I assumed the cell room was.
“FireStarter?” I wondered, looking around the room and then straight at the small camera in the far corner.
“Oh no. Don’t you even think you’re going to get out of here.” then whispered, “you did this to yourself. You were going to be free. Now you’re not,” then started reading a form, one I found to be my criminal records, “One offense. And what is it pray tell? Oh yeah. Attempted assault of an active Arcola police department worker,” looking at the camera and smirking.
“I’m sorry. What was that for?” I said, motioning towards his face.
“Just a little…inside joke.” he said, looking at the camera again.

Ayla:

I wanted to yell at Dunes when he tried calling me, a senior DCI, an Arcola police department worker. I’ve been here longer than him, have more experience, yet I am still treated like trash.

Athan:

I looked at the camera, a confused expression on my face then said, “okay..” and got ready for a long night.
Two Hours Later:

Dunes grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the door, pushing me out of the room.
“What are you doing??” the female DCI asked.
“He attempted assault, Ayla Marie,” he said, using full name in, I guess, an attempt to annoy her.
“You 're not trained well for this job.” she said, then added, “it was attempted battery, Dunes, and I am not pressing charges. I have forgiven him.”
Dunes dropped my arm from his grasp and gasped loudly, “Forgiven??”
Marie nodded and turned towards me. I smiled and mouthed the words, “thank you.”
“He is guilty!! You can’t just let him back into the world!” Dunes screamed.
Ayla smirked and motioned for me to follow her, starting to walk towards the door and saying once we got far enough from Dunes, “Please do not make this any worse. Just go home, let your girlfriend go.”
“My girlfriend?” I questioned.
“Destiny?” Marie said, confused.
I shook my head, “She’s not my girlfriend. Why would I ask to call my girlfriend if Destiny was my girlfriend??”
Marie shrugged and walked away, allowing me to walk out by myself, letting me “back into the world.”

One Week Later:

The news has never been something I have watched so closely. I watched it everyday and even bought the daily newspaper. A newspaper!
This morning felt different. The news was quiet, so I forced myself to shower. I went fast, stressed I may miss something on Destiny. When I got out, my phone was filled with notifications. The news came in faster and faster and everyone I talked to (not very many people) were messaging me. I saw Destiny’s name throughout them all as I scrolled.
I clicked into a news report and my heart dropped when I saw the title of the article.
“The FireStarter, Destiny Lane, has finally been caught. Being sentenced to execution.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off the last word. My brain couldn’t take it and I ran out of the apartment. I ran, bumping into the landlord, but kept running.
“Hey!” She screeched, and added, “I need your rent, Ath!”
I turned around quickly while running, wondering where she had heard my nickname from Destiny. As well as why she’d choose to ever use it now. Maybe I had heard her wrong..but all I could see was Destiny. Dying. I kept running, pushing the door open and running to the car.
I started it and drove as fast as I could to the police office. I was halfway there when the car stopped. I looked around fast.
“Seriously?! Right now?!” I screamed, opened the door, got out, and slammed the door behind me.
I started running, knowing I could never run as fast as Destiny could. Every thought that came to mind was Destiny. She had been my best friend since birth. We had grown up together. Every achievement, every breakdown, she was there for. I needed her. She was my main supporter. Even over my own girlfriend, she supported me most.
I finally got to the station, tears streaming down my face. I pushed through the crowd at the door, waiting for Destiny’s execution sentence date. Everyone was standing, cheering for Destiny’s future death. I pushed the officers at the door aside and ran through, searching for Officer Marie.
Officer Dunes jumped out in front of me and started talking, “Look who’s back! I am guessing you are trying to get Ms. Lanes out?”
“I don’t have time for this! I need to talk to Officer Lanes!” I yelled, lightly pushing past him and running back towards Lanes's office area.
Dunes grabbed me and pushed me to the ground. I didn’t want to cause any more issues as I rolled out from under his grasp and got up fast.
“Please!” I ran and found Lanes.
She turned towards me as she heard me running, “What are you doing here?”
My phone buzzed again, more news coming in and I showed it to Lanes.

Ayla:

“I apologize for this, but she has done too much for anything else. She even stated, on tape, that she will rather not live than stay in prison the rest of her life. I am truly sorry.” I said, putting a sad face on, but excited for what was going to happen.
I apologized to Athan while Dunes watched, Athan shaking his head in fear and distress. He whirled around, looking around, who for I did not know.
Athan ran towards DS Caddel, and Dunes grabbed his arm. Athan twisted his arm and kept running, and got close to the sergeant, before Dunes could grab him again.
“SERGEANT!” Athan screamed, reaching his hand out, and the sergeant turned quickly. Caddel scowled Dunes, looking confused.
“Who is this young man?” DS Caddel questioned, shaking Athan's outstretched hand and making Dunes release his grip.
“He helped FireStarter with the attempted robbery. He’s her friend.” Dunes reported quickly, cracking his knuckles (an attempt to look tough).
“To begin with, Dunes, I believe I have stated that I do not approve of that “nickname” around here. She was a bit younger at the time. She did not notice what she was doing.” he said, slowly.
“Then why are you doing this to her?!” Athan cried, “She’s barely an adult. She has a life ahead of her. Please, Sergeant Caddel. Please.”
Athan begged and pleaded until Caddel raised his hand, “I apologize, but this town will not feel safe until Ms. Lanes is gone. Ms. Lanes has gone in front of a jury, and unfortunately, they have already decided.”
Athan started crying and Caddel put his hand on Athan’s shoulder slowly, “If it helps any, Lanes’s execution has been decided to be a private execution. This means, the executioner and a verified witness will be there to see..”
Athan shook his head fast, “I need to be there! I can’t let her die alone!”
I looked at Athan and said, “She won’t die…alone. I will be there. I am sitting in as the witness for this case.”
Athan shouted randomly and shook his head fast. Dunes grabbed his arm and started to walk him out, but Sergeant Caddel stopped him.
“She will be okay.” he said, simply, then let Dunes escort Athan out of the station.

One Hour Later:

I grabbed my bag and walked into the cellroom. I placed my bag on the floor and opened it slowly. Reaching in, I heard a sound behind me.
“What are you doing here?” I heard Destiny’s voice whisper.
I turned around, a key peeking out of my hand, hiding it from the view of cameras, “Be ready. Soon.”
Destiny nodded slowly, looking disappointed for the cameras and shuffled her feet, bored.
A minute later I walked out of the cellroom, as a police officer walked in, cuffs in hand. I looked confused.
“What are those for, Officer?” I asked, slowly, looking in the door at Destiny.
“Sergeant and DCI Dunes want to question Ms. FireStarter again,” she said in disgust, shaking her head and walking into the room.
“Sergeant doesn’t approve of that nickname!” I shouted after the beginning officer, following in after her.
The officer shrugged and mumbled something, “Whatever..”
I followed her as she unlocked the cell and reached for Destiny’s arms, cuffing them and pulling her out. Destiny let the officer take her out and dropped her head.
“Is this an open interrogation?” I asked, grabbing one of Destiny’s cuffed hands and standing firmly.
“I do not think we have been properly introduced, Ms. Marie.” she said fast and added, “I am Officer Syders. I have gone through the training and hard work for this job! I would appreciate it if you would just let me do it. Thanks,” pulling Destiny out of the room and towards the interrogation room.


Athan:

Bing
I sat up quickly, grabbing my phone, checking my many notifications. I read a text from an unknown number, slowly.
I saw dess is stuck in the slammer?! AND on death sentence?!? what did you do?!!
I read the text a few times, recognizing it was Bree, one of Destiny’s closest friends from the nickname “Dess.” I typed multiple messages, deleting each one before sending.
I see you typing you fool! Just answer me!!
I typed back fast saying, “I did nothing,” and sent quickly. She tried to call and I declined immediately. I didn’t need anyone else yelling at me. I was already attacking myself on the inside.
I’m comin down there. Youre gonna regret declining that call! and whatever you did to put dess in that horrid place!!
I dropped the phone into my pocket and laid in bed, laying a pillow over my face. Bree had always been dramatic, but also really protective of Destiny. She treated Destiny as someone would a baby sister. She’d always seen me as a threat, a bad influence, on Destiny.
I jumped out of bed when I heard a knock on the door. No way was Destiny already here. Was she..?
I got up and ran to the door, peaking through the peephole. Seeing no one, I opened the door slowly to a loud bang at the end of the hall. I turned fast, but only saw the candle on the table at the end of the hall had fallen on the floor.
Walking down the hall, I felt as though I was being watched. I grabbed the tall candle and set it back into its holder and turned back towards my apartment. A package sat in front of the doorway that hadn’t been there a minute before. I looked around and saw no one. Walking to the stairs, where the deliverer must have entered/exited. No one besides the landlord was in sight. Paranoia overcame me and I decided to face the landlord after avoiding her for multiple months. I ran towards her and stopped right in front of her.
“Just the man I have been looking for.” she chuckles, then added, “I thought you were avoiding me.”
“I know, I know! I just need to know, did anyone come through here??” I questioned quickly while looking around.
“Are you okay?” she asked slowly, looking around with me.
I shook my head quickly and repeated my question, getting no immediate response. I looked around and turned back towards her.
“A package was left outside my door. I merely wanted to thank the postman, but they were not anywhere in sight when I opened the door.” I said slowly, pronouncing each word as if I was talking to a child.
“That is odd. I have been here for a while. I have not seen a soul, I must say.” she said, then added, “Quite odd, isn’t it?”
She chuckled and started to walk away, turning back only to tell me she needed the money by the next night, or I would be evicted.
I ran back to my apartment, looking around before picking up the package (which was unusually light) and bringing it inside. I shook it and heard nothing. I kneeled down, grabbed my knife, and slowly cut the tape to open it.
I looked in and saw something I thought I never would..
Athan:
In the box laid two gloves, both drenched in a dried red. I hoped it was not what I thought it was, but when the smell hit my nose, I knew it was. By the gloves were a black mask and hoodie, both of which didn’t seem to smell like the gloves. I closed the box quickly, pushing it into my closet and grabbing my phone, dropping it after noticing the police would not believe that a box of bloody stuff was just dropped off at my door. I went to text Destiny, noticing that I couldn’t do that either.
No one would believe me. Not one person.
I closed my knife and shoved it in my pocket before heading back downstairs, looking around for any employees of the building. Noticing one lady, in a plain hoodie with the apartment’s logo on the back, sweeping, I walked up to her slowly.
“Ma’am?” I said slowly before noticing she had earbuds in.
I tapped her shoulder and she twirled around fast, holding the broom up like a bat. I threw my hands up in the air and stepped back quickly. The woman apologized, explaining how exhausted she had been from cleaning a huge mess earlier in the day.
I reassured her that it was okay, then asked if camera footage outside the apartments were available.
The lady turned towards the stairs and walked towards an employee only door.
She opened the door and walked into a small room, in which was a big screen, showing multiple points throughout the building and the outside. She sat down in an old, creaky chair and looked back at me.
“I must ask, why do you need this information? As well as where and when you need footage from” she asked, typing a password in quickly.
“I received an unusual package and heard someone outside my apartment earlier. It was about twenty minutes ago, maybe?” I answered.
“Packages are supposed to go to the main box in the front.” she said and typed in the approximate time that the package arrived.
When nothing came up she turned towards me, a confused look on her face. She retyped the date and time, making sure it was all correct before submitting it. Again, nothing. She clicked back to the current time and looked very confused.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, then added, “What’s wrong?”
“Do me a favor. Go into the lobby real quick.” she said and grabbed her walkie talkie off of her belt, whispering something into it.
I walked into the main area slowly, standing there. I was confused as to why I needed to come out here. I looked at my shoes and saw a folded paper on the floor. I leaned over and grabbed it.
I see you found my note, Athan. I will assume that means you got my package as well.
I ran back into the camera room, trying not to touch too much of the note. I looked around the room and found some plastic bags. Grabbing one, I opened it and shoved the note inside, then put it in my pocket.
“So, either we’re experiencing a service glitch..or someone hacked our system.” she said, turning towards me quickly.
“Odd..” I mumbled, then thanked her and walked back to my apartment.
I sat on my bed, looking at the closet. Slowly, I walked up to it, holding the door handles in my hands. Right when I was about to open the doors, I heard a knock at the front door. Still on edge from the last knock on that door, I slowly peaked my head out the door.
“Open the door!” I heard a familiar voice yell.
I ran out of the bedroom, closing the door behind me, and went to open the front door. As soon as the lock clicked, Bree busted in.
“I told you that you would regret not picking up. Now you will!” she screamed and held her fist up, about to punch me.
I ducked and asked quickly, “Did you send me a package?”
“What kind of question is that?? I don’t..I don’t send people I hate packages. Why? Why would I do that??” she stuttered.
I shrugged and moved so Bree could come in.
“This place is trash.” she muttered, “I am not here for a friendly visit, Athan. You put my best friend in a deadly..and I mean she is going to die!..scenario. I don’t just let that go! What did you do?”
I shook my head quickly, “I didn’t do anything..”
“You know, liars never make it far in this world.” Bree stated firmly.
“Okay, Bree, what did I do to you? Why have you always hated me so much? Because I can’t remember any time that I did anything to you!”
Bree stepped back and stuttered, “This..this is not what I came here for.”
“I did nothing!” I yelled, “I have always supported Destiny! She is my best friend!! I would never do anything to hurt her!”
“Athan..” she said, stepping back again.
“I DID NOTHING!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, as Bree turned around and ran out of the apartment, pulling her phone out of her pocket.
“Yes..umm..I don’t..” I heard her cry over a phone call as she stumbled over herself.
I sat down on my couch and covered my face, sighing loudly. I had not noticed the door had stayed open until Jackeline, one of my neighbors, peaked in a minute later.
“Hello?” I heard her whisper, “I heard yelling.”
I fell to the floor quietly, not wanting to talk to anyone. I slowly crawled into my bedroom, creeping under my bed and laying there silently. I heard Jackeline tiptoeing into my apartment. I held my breath, knowing I’d snap if I talked to anyone else right now. So when I saw two small white nikes in my doorway, I closed my eyes tight and put my head on the floor slowly.
I had not noticed that Jackeline had walked to the closet until it was too late. I opened my eyes as she opened the doors slowly. She looked down at the box and looked around before kneeling down by it. This was trespassing and snooping! This couldn’t be legal!! I started to crawl out from under the bed, about to shout when she opened the box.
“No…this..he..” she said, shaking as she pulled her phone and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
I came out from under the bed and peaked my head out of the room. I saw no one, so I went over, closed the box, and hid it in the best spot I could find (a small, deep cabinet under the sink).
“Why are you hiding it?? It will seem like you’re even more guilty..” I questioned myself silently.
“I need to hide it. No one will believe you anyways..” I mumbled to myself quietly and closed the cabinet, twirling around and walking quietly towards the front door.
Closing the door quietly, I heard people talking down the hallway. Two voices were recognizable, while two were not. I heard three women, and a man. Two of the women were Bree and Jackeline. I could not make out what they were saying, only that it was them. I heard footsteps and looked around quickly.
I had nowhere to hide. Quickly running towards my window, opening it fully, I climbed out. I clinged onto a tree and attempted to climb down. As I heard a bang on my door, I climbed backwards as fast as I could.
I had made it more than halfway down when I heard a shout and the door opened. My leg slipped and I fell to the ground, my arms breaking my fall. I heard a snap and closed my eyes tight.

Ayla:

“We have multiple emergency calls from the apartments on 4th and Greenwood.” I heard through the radios, noticing that was the address Athan had given when he was brought in.
“Sir!” I called to Caddel as I saw him running past my office.
“Yes, Lanes?” he said, turning towards me quickly, looking worried, but tried to hide it.
“I would like to go with you to the apartment units.” I said quickly, grabbing my jackets and some files, and walked towards Caddel.
“No.” he said, then added, “We are putting Andrews and Sanchez on this, Lanes. They need to get some experience on cases like this.”
I scoffed quietly, “I apologize, sir, but Jared Andrews and Camie Sanchez? On this case? I don’t think so.. They are always argu-”
“Lanes, I make the rules here. Please, just abide by them.” Sergeant Caddel cut me off and ran towards Andrews’s desk.
I sat back down and started reading the call reports from the apartments. I read slowly, not believing the stories provided.
“There…there was a-a..blood! There was BLOOD. It was..” I read from a report by a Jackeline Daniels, flipping through it, I tried to piece her story together.
There had been a box. She violated privacy and opened it. The box had contained a jacket, specifically a black hoodie, a black mask, and two gloves, saturated in a deep red substance, seeming to be blood. She explained a horrible smell and provided the address.
Sitting in the quiet station, all I could do was read recent reports and listen to the radio. I was bored and feeling a bit upset when Dunes walked in. He stood by my cubicle, staring at me, saying nothing. I waited a few minutes, saying nothing.
After a few minutes of silence, I questioned, “I’m sorry, is there something you need? Last I knew, this was my office. Oh, and I’m surprised you weren’t taken to the apartment units. Looks like you’re not as awesome as you see yourself.”
Dunes hissed, “You weren’t taken either. Those beginners were. Okay?”
When he didn’t leave after ten more minutes, I stood up. Grabbing my files and a notebook, I walked out of the station. I sat in my car, the cold breeze hitting my face. I placed the files on the passenger seat as I grabbed my notebook and pen. I started working on the files and listened to music.

Athan:

Although my arms were in pain, I got up and ran to my car.
“STOP RUNNING,” I yelled at myself, stopping by my car and turning back towards the building.
I turned back towards my car, about to get in when I heard a voice behind me, “Don’t run. Please. It’d be so much easier if you could just come in willingly.”
I turned around to see a young female agent, staring at me, her hand on her hollister. I looked at her, slightly confused.
“You gonna shoot me?” I questioned.
“Please don’t run.” she repeated, giving me eyes that reminded me of my mother when I was a child. The “don’t you dare” look.
I stood still and stared at her, then turned and ran as fast as possible, knowing if I got in the car, it’d be ruined. I was the top track and field student in high school. I could outrun this lady. Those were the thoughts going through my head before a tall buff guy jumped in front of me, tripping me.
I yelped as I fell to the ground, my arm already in increasing pain, turning and trying to reach up for something. The man grabbed my hand, pain streaming up through my arm.
“Sorry, were you going somewhere?” the man asked, chuckling.
The man pulled me up and cuffed me, “I’m sorry I have to do this.”
“Jared, you don’t apologize!” the female cop said and scowled.
The man rolled his eyes and pushed me lightly towards the cop car I had not seen minutes before. My arms were broken. I knew it.
“Camie, his arm..” Jared mumbled, noticing my arm was starting to swell up.
“We’ll get it checked out. It’s probably broken.” Camie said, walking over and grabbing my arm
I winced in pain and she nodded her head. She knew it was broken and that it was in pain. Although she did, she was tired of me already. She pushed me into the car lightly and I got in willingly.
“At least I’ll get my arm checked at…” I thought as I looked out the car window, millions of other thoughts flooding in too.

Answer 2

I've only read a couple of minutes on this but, it's great so far!

Answer 3

XD It's pretty long lol. you don't have to read it.

Answer 4

I haven't finished it yet. This is just the beginning XD

Answer 5

Oh my, then it'll be good. You must have hurt hands haha xD

Answer 6

XD Not really. I've been on and off writing. I wrote like most of it in a few days, then added some more recently. lol

Answer 7

Oh Okay, either way XD

Answer 8

ya. It's not great. and I may end up changing some character's names so they're aren't so many names that start with A. lol

Answer 9

Haha, It's good either way thought. I can see it being better with those changes, Have a good day/night :)

Answer 10

Thank you. you as well!

Answer 11

AMAZING STORY LIVED IT KEEP UP THE AWESOME WORK 👍👍👍

Answer 12

*loved it*

Answer 13

Thank youu!

Answer 14

man yall shut up

Answer 15

i rlly like it keep it up <33

Answer 16

I really like it. awesome!

Answer 17

You like a master teach me your ways lol

Answer 18

😂 I really appreciate all the positive feedbackkk! I honestly didn’t think I was doing very good 😂😂 thank youuu!!

Answer 19

You are indeed gonna be famous off of this. I love it. Its kinda better than my book ngl

Answer 20

nice love it

Answer 21

WWWWWW

Answer 22

thank you so muchhh!!

Answer 23

W story you can be really successful with story making

Answer 24

Thank youuu! :D

Answer 25

Oml. I love it. Puts my books to shame✋Good job JBN<3

Answer 26

Awwe thank you so much! I bet your books are better! :)

Answer 27

From the story I see of yours, you are an AMAZING writer! Yeah, better than mine ':D Great job:)

Answer 28

it is awsome i love it so much @justbenice it is awsome i love it so much

Answer 29

you must of did a ton of typing even i can´t type that much

Answer 30

Thank you so much!!! I really appreciate all the positive feedback:) it means a lot. I’ve been working on this for a bit but not more than a few months I don’t think. I started it a while back, started to give up, but then wanted to get back into writing:) Thank you everyone for the positive feedback. If anyone has any suggestions or constructive criticism, I’d be glad to hear it:)

Answer 31

actually a good story

Answer 32

Thank you so much:)

Answer 33

you are so wealcome keep up the great work

Answer 34

Ima spoil it for all of you.. i know the next part-

Answer 35

@xxacexx dont you dareeeee

Answer 36

ya dont know too terribly much tho. *shrug* ya dont know fs who da killer is. but still, no. dont. hehe

Answer 37

@xxacexx ps ur girlfriend aint gonn tell ya XD *shrug*

Answer 38

Okay peeps, here's an update for anyone who wants it XD

Answer 39

Sitting in the car as it passed by multiple buildings, I wondered who’s blood had covered those gloves and who the true one to blame for it was.


Ayla:
I unlocked my phone and went to the news. Searching for anything on Athan or Destiny, I finally found something.
An old article with Athan’s name in it. A picture was included. A photo of Athan from about a year prior, standing beside him were Destiny and another woman.
Destiny was in plain sight all along. How had she flown under the radar all this time??
I found the camera footage from Destiny’s crime, comparing it to this photo. They were very different. Destiny had changed practically everything about herself. Hair color, clothing style, and even tanned herself. The one thing that stayed the same, the one thing I had recognized when she came in that day, were her eyes. Those piercing blue eyes.
Destiny had pleaded innocent at the time of her first trial, but had been seen as guilty. Very few people in town had eyes quite like hers, and for some reason, this had been the main piece of evidence used to sentence her to a couple years in prison (and was to be tried again once she turned 18). But she was never caught. She had run as soon as she heard she was sentenced. She went off radar. At least, that’s what people thought. What no one had known, was she’d been right here all along. She must have created a new identity.
An identity that allowed her to go unnoticed. This wasn’t what I was looking for. I was trying to prove innocence. Not make her seem more guilty!
I went back to the original video from the crime and watched closely. In it, the girl, after fire was already raging, struck a match. Then, I noticed something that may prove Destiny’s innocence.
I may not have to break her out…



Athan:
I walked into the station, still cuffed, an officer on each side of me. “Camie” grabbed my cuffed hands and lightly pushed me into the building. My arm still stinging, I walked in willingly. The DS, Sergeant Caddel, came up to me, telling the officers to uncuff me, which they did. The town’s station had an in-station nurse, which ran up to us the second we came into the building. They had me sit down and the nurse checked my arm. He looked at my arm, moving it and noting discomfort levels.
He took me into his “office” in the back of the station.
“So, we’re going to have to do an x-ray of your arm. I am pretty positive that your arm may be broken. You may need a cast. Do you have the money for that?” He rambled as I slowly got dizzy.
“I…I don’t…” I said before blacking out.
Five Minutes Later:
I opened my eyes slowly, seeing I was surrounded. A cop on each side of me and a nurse hovering over. I tried to sit up, but the nurse instructed me to stay where I was.
“Wha..what happened?” I asked, shakily.
The nurse looked over a stack of papers, and I realized he had already done the x-ray. He turned a paper for me to see. It was the picture from the x-ray. It was fractured in multiple places, but not broken.
I jumped up and shouted quickly, “I’ll be fine. Now, who here is going to be “questioning” me?”
Camie looked at me and back at the doorway, where I had not noticed DS Caddel was standing.
“Officers Andrew” Caddel said, motioning towards Jared, “and Sanchez,” motioning towards Camie, “are going to be working with you and this case.”
I looked out past Caddel and saw Ayla. She looked to be in a rush, grabbing papers and copying others. I caught a glimpse of a paper printed. It looks like security footage, but I couldn’t quite see it fully.
I was walked into the interrogation room. It turned into a good cop, bad cop act. Sanchez took a rude, aggressive approach, while Andrews paced back and forth, glancing at me nervously. Wasn’t I supposed to be the nervous one here?
“Okay. We’re going to start at the beginning.” Sanchez shouted, motioning for Andrews to sit down with a swift wave of her arm.
Andrews sat quickly, like a puppy obeying their owner. I looked back and forth, a mix of confusion and awkwardness filling in my brain.
Sanchez looked at me and began to tell me everything that Jackeline and Bree had told them. Between each claim, Andrews would stare at me and back at Sanchez. Studying our facial expressions, I wondered if he was trained in psychology and microexpressions or if he was truly just lost.
When Andrews started staring at my eyes, I couldn’t help but look away from Sanchez and at him, “I’m sorry, I’m trying to listen to this accusation but I can’t with you staring at me like that.”
I knew I sounded like a little kid, but I just couldn't deal with this right now. Too many people. Too many thoughts. Too many accusations. I thought back and wished I’d never gone to that job. I wished that I had just canceled and stayed with my girlfriend that morning.
I hadn’t heard from Sammy since that morning. I'd assumed she’d know about my side jobs. I didn’t know she would leave me because of them though. She never seemed to care.

Answer 40

I will go back and add more parts with his gf, sorry for forgettin herrrr. Also, possible name changes in the future. Not sure though. Thank you for all the positive feedback. I really appreciate it<3 If anyone has any suggestions or constructive criticism, I would be glad to hear it. Thank you an' have an AMAZING day!!

Answer 41

WHOA!! did you really make this?! its amazing! keep up the great work

Answer 42

nice

Answer 43

such a big story and was def worth reading. keep going u tgot this!

Answer 44

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it:)

Answer 45

This story was good

Answer 46

It's still a WIP and has a lot to go XD

Answer 47

this is really good

Answer 48

Thank youuu! :)

Answer 49

I loved it

Answer 50

Thank you so much:)

Answer 51

You got this your book is so good keep it going i want to read more

Answer 52

Thank you so much:)

Answer 53

wwwww

Answer 54

Awe thank youuu:)

Answer 55

noice :]