Question

Hey everyone, I'm writing a story and I would like everyone's opinion on it. Warning, there is some blood and gore at the beginning.

Answer 1

Chapter One: The Morning It Began…
Flashes of the blood pouring from the body. The mangled mess of intestines. The man turning and seeing me. He starts running torwards me. I’m never able to get away from him. The Dream always ends with him grabbing me and covering my mouth so I can’t scream. I awoke in a cold sweat, screaming until my lungs were soar. The Dream always causes me to wake up screaming and all sweaty.
The clock on my night stand reads 7:07am. Well, I thought bitterly, I’m not going to be able to fall back to sleep now, so I might as well get up and get ready for school. School doesn’t start until 9am. I might be able to have some free time before school for once, I say looking on the bright side.
I glance in the mirror and grimace at my reflection. My normally straight jet-black hair is a tangled mess. The bags under my eyes are more prominent than normal. I wish that I didn’t have to work so hard to look good.
I head into my closet and I sigh knowing I have to choose an outfit. I glance around looking at all my choices but not knowing what to wear. I see the array of neutral colored hoodies that I have, the many pairs of ripped jeans, and long t-shirts. Although I have many pieces of clothing, I only own three pairs of shoes. My cowboy boots that are worn in with the American flag on the side, my black converse, and my white hightops.
I choose a black hoodie, my converse, and dark washed skinny jeans. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and brush my hair. I add a bit of mascara careful not to go overboard, and pull my hair up into a high ponytail. On my way out of the room, I glance at myself in the mirror and smile. Now I look ready to go, I say to myself.
I head downstairs to make my breakfast. I see a note on the counter from ma saying,
Morning, Sweetheart. I had to work early today. I hope that I can be home in time for dinner, but if not, there is some leftover lasagna in the fridge. Or if you would like, you can go buy yourself a pizza. Have a great day at school, love Ma.
Setting down the note, I make myself a bagel with blueberry cream cheese and a glass of orange juice. As I’m eating my bagel, I pull out my phone and realize I am at 10%. As I scold myself, I plug in my phone and call my boyfriend Chase.
Chapter Two: Leaving for School
Chase is muscular, 6 feet 4 inches tall, and very mature. He has dirty blonde hair, and a crooked nose. He is kind, loving and caring. He always wears t-shirts and jeans. He loves working on his truck, playing football with his buddies, and going fishing. He plans on heading to Harvard University after high school and becoming a Private Investigator.
He answers on the first ring. “Well, well, well, look who’s up out of bed on time, for once?” he says in a teasing tone, after he answers his phone. “Good morning to you, too,” I say with a tired voice as I yawn. “I don’t know how you can always handle waking up this early!” I say with a impressed hint to my voice.
He chuckles and says, “Darlin’, maybe try going to bed earlier than 1am, and you might be able to get up early without being so tired.”
“Are you able to pick me up today?” I ask him, avoiding his remark.
“Look outside, sweetheart.” he says to me. I walk over to my living room window and move the curtain, as I do so, I smile. Sure enough, there he is in his Dodge Ram waiting for me. “Am I allowed to come in this morning?” he asks.
“Sure, my ma left for work an hour ago. I’ll go get my stuff ready for school. Let yourself in.”
I go upstairs and grab all of my school supplies. I grab my airpods, my laptop, my notebooks, my geometry, english, and history textbooks, my journal, my planner, and my water bottle. I grab my phone and charger realizing I will have to charge my phone at school. After I have everything put in my backpack, I head back downstairs.
When I walk downstairs, I find him sitting on the couch reading a book. I go over and sit next to him. When I sit down, he puts his book down and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Where would you like to go after school today?” he asks with a smirk on his face.
“How ‘bout we go watch a movie and get some pizza? I don’t work until 6 anyways.”
“Sounds like a date,” he says before taking my backpack and holding my hand. “We better get to school before we’re late again!” he says teasingly, as we walk out the door.


Chapter Three: The Car Ride
Chase and I had just enough time to grab Starbucks before we had to go and pick up his twin cousins. Stella and Josh are outside waiting on the front step as we pull up. “Wow, you guys are on time for once!” says Josh surprised.
“You guys went to Starbucks without us?” Stella asks as she climbs in the backseat and slams the door shut. Stella and Josh are 15 year olds in 10th grade. They’ve rode to school with us everyday since Chase and I began dating, unless they were sick.
Stella is a sassy mother trucker. She likes to be in charge, and isn’t afraid to kick your butt. She will get revenge if you mess with her. She has long strawberry blonde hair and tan skin. She is 5 feet and 8 inches tall. As sassy as she is, she’s also very intelligent. She has a 4.0 GPA and is taking all college courses. She loves to brag about her perfect grades. She normally has a face full of makeup, fake nails, and designer clothes on.
Josh on the other hand, he goes with the flow. He usually is unfazed by anything and doesn’t work very hard unless it’s something he finds worth doing. He is an average student in school. He loves sports. He does football in the fall, basketball and swimming in the winter, and baseball in the spring. He has bleached hair, and is 6 feet 2 inches tall. He typically wears hoodies and sweatpants.
As the twins start fighting and bickering, I turn the radio up. It seems like the twins are always fighting and bickering with each other. I guess I wouldn’t know. It’s just me and my ma at home. My father left us when I was just 7 years old, and my brother Jeremy passed away 3 summers ago, and even when he was still alive, he lived with our grandmother a mile away.
As we pull up to the school, I notice police cars swarming the school. “Woah…” Josh says trailing off mid-sentence. “I wonder what happened here!” says Stella with surprised look on her face.
“I don’t know, but we better hurry up and get to class before the bell rings.” says Chase, who is always worried about being on time. As I am walking to class, Chase grabs my arm and says to me, “Darlin’, promise me you’ll be careful, okay? I don’t know what’s going on outside but I don’t want anything happening to you. You mean so much to me.” With that, he gives me a kiss and before I can say anything, and he walks off to class.
Chapter Four: Lunch
As I am waiting for Chase to get his lunch and come sit by me, I notice a kid who I have never met before. Something is off about him. He looks oddly familiar to me as if I had seen him before. He has white blonde hair, super buff, and tall. He must be at least 6 feet 7 inches tall. He is wearing a black hoodie, a pair of ripped jeans, and some Air Forces.
I watch him walk over to a table and sit down by himself. Right as I’m about to get up and go sit with him, Chase walks over to me. Just then, the new kids looks up and stares me in the eyes. I can’t turn away from him. There is something about those eyes. Chase comes up to me and kisses me and says, “sorry I took so long, I lost my wallet.”
“It’s all good” I tell him. He smiles at me and then notices how distracted I am. He waves his hand in front of my face and says, “Woohoo, earth to Sammi, are you okay? You seem distracted.” I turn and look at him. “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t realize that you were talking to me. I’ve been zoning out today.” As I lean over to eat my spaghetti and meatballs, I notice that mystery kid is staring at me again.
“Hey hun, do you know who the new kid over there is?” I say nodding towards him. Chase looks up from his pb&j sandwich and asks me, “new kid? I don’t see no new kid.” He looks at me very strangely as if I have gone insane. “You don’t see him? The one sitting alone at the table by the vending machine with white blonde hair and a black hoodie?” I say and look again. All of a sudden, the new kid is gone. I look back at chase bewildered.
“I think I need to go home,” I tell Chase. He nods his head and stands up and pulls me into his arms as he kisses me on the head, “would you like me to drive?” I nod my head yes, and we walk up to the trash can and dump our trays. “Do you still want to hang out, or do you want to go home and rest?” Chase asks me.

Answer 2

Becca, its spelt s-o-r-e.

Answer 3

Also. I'd recommend putting quotation marks around the note. Or at least half quotes.

Answer 4

This is written on Google Docs? Huh.

Answer 5

Lmao

Answer 6

I use Microsoft Word. That's why.

Answer 7

Thank you for your guy's opinion and helping me make my story better. I really appreciate it!

Answer 8

My pleasure.

Answer 9

holy crap that is really good

Answer 10

@tbone @midnitesunny @extrinix

Answer 11

i thought i was good at writing

Answer 12

@deadofwinter

Answer 13

OKAY ILL READ

Answer 14

hey @itzbecca wanna read what i have so far in my story

Answer 15

ok give me a sec

Answer 16

getting doc link now

Answer 17

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KO-PH-8VVR_FF55rJrmcJBR71nVocZcL7xM5ipUVWk8/edit

Answer 18

theres the link to the doc

Answer 19

its not as good as yours

Answer 20

@astrid1

Answer 21

@questioncovebot

Answer 22

This is so good now im invested

Answer 23

that was Amazing i love it @itzbecca it is amazing