Question

I wrote a story. Feedback?

https://www.wattpad.com/story/333937067-love-is-forbidden

Answer 1

Part 1:
I was walking down the streets of my small town, running late for my job. I couldn't believe I was going to be late on my second day. I couldn't have any distractions today, unfortunately, the universe likes doing the opposite of what you want. I started walking faster and I ended up running into someone. I fell down to the ground and my Orange started to hurt so Orangeing bad. I looked up at the person, ready to yell at them, but they were picking up my bag and offering to help me up. I pushed my self up and apologized to them. "It's fine, give me your number so I can tell you how you can make it up to me." I couldn't believe him, he was so unbelievable, but the next thing I knew I was handing them my phone. I walked away and into my office. I started to work but all I could think about was that guy. My phone started to vibrate, so I picked it up and saw that someone named Axton texted me. I texted back, "Hey" and they responded with, "Remember me, you ran into me." I couldn't believe that the hottest guy I ran into had the hottest name too. He asked for my name. "Oh, its Lukas." I told him. He responded with a smiley face and told me that he would be calling later. I couldn't stop blushing, then my boss walked over, handed me some papers and then walked away.

I cleaned up my desk and then walked home. When I got home, I threw my bag on my bed, then my phone started to ring. I looked at the name and it was Axton. I took off my shirt and ruffled up my hair, then answered it. I couldn't stop blushing at his gorgeous face. We talked for about five hours, but I wasn't keeping track. I was so happy talking to him. He had to go, but asked me if I wanted to meet up at the diner for lunch tomorrow. And of course I said, yes. We hung up and I fell asleep on my bed. The next morning, my alarm went off and I jumped up out of my bed. I ran to the shower and scrubbed my body. I hopped out of the shower, put on a short skirt and a white dress shirt. I ate some breakfast, brushed my teeth and worked on some of my work papers. When I finished with five of my papers, it was already one o'clock. So I grabbed my wallet and I walked down the streets to the diner. I stopped for a second, when I saw him sitting at one of the booths. I walked calmly inside, although my heart was beating very fast. I walked to the booth where he was sitting at and sat down. He smiled. I suddenly felt butterflies in my stomach. His smile was so warming.

I ordered a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich with some chips. Axton ordered some ramen. And we both ordered some wine for our meals. He asked me, "So where were you going, when you ran into me." I was kinda surprised he asked me this. "Oh, I was headed to my job, I am an accountant, I know boring, but it pays well." He laughed a little and said, "You legs look good in that skirt and I would love to squeeze your thigh." I choked on a bite of my sandwich and looked up at him. "Oh, sorry just ignore me." I smiled, stood up, walked over to his side and sat down beside him. I placed my hand on his leg and rubbed his thigh. I could tell he was getting hot. He moved my hand and placed it on the table. To where he placed his hand on my inner thigh and started to rub there. I let out a little moan as a waiter walked up to us. The waiter asked if we were done with our meal and took our plates and left. I whispered in his ear and Axton turned bright red. I stood up, put some money on the table, grabbed his hand and walked out of the diner.

I walked with Axton to my house. I couldn't help but feel my heart rapidly beating. When we got to the front door, I asked, "Wanna come inside?". Obviously, he said yes. I unlocked the front door and walked inside. I looked at Axton when he came inside and smirked. "This is not at all what I thought you house looked like, it's so comfy." I laughed. "How did you think I lived?" He looked away, "Oh I thought you had a bigger house that wasn't a home." I reached into a bag and pulled out two cans of soda. "C'mon I wanna show you something?" Axton faced lit up. As we left the house, I begin walking up the hill and at the top was a cute cafe that overlooked our town. Axton smiled. He leaned over the rail and exhaled. "It's really beautiful." I smiled. Axton turned to me. The sun was beginning to set. Axton whispered in my ear, pulling me close and rubbed my cheek. I felt my face getting warm. We were only about three inches from each other's lips. He whispered, "I want to Orange you so bad right now." I was so surprised, I choked, but then I whispered back, "I hope your not a bottom." He smiled. "No king, I'm your top." I couldn't wait any longer. I pulled away from his ear and kissed his lips.

I was so happy. I could feel him gripping my waist and pulling me so close to him, nothing was going to separate us. He moved his lips away from mine and towards my neck. He started kissing slowly, it turned into biting and sucking. I couldn't help myself from moaning. I never wanted this moment to end. I spoke to soon because the next thing I remember a mother and her child, began yelling at us, saying how we were going to hell. Axton stopped kissing my neck and looked at the mother. He started talking back to her and I couldn't stop looking at her son. As I looked closer, I saw bruise and cuts all over his arms, neck and legs. I stepped back behind Axton and mouthed to the kid, "Do you need help?" Is someone hurting you?" The kid looked at me and nodded. I had to come up with a plan to help this kid. So I whispered to Axton, "Can you please keep the mother busy, please." Axton nodded. The mother saw Axton nod and was deeply confused. She walked up to us, letting go of the child. I quickly mouthed to the child, "Run to the bridge and hide there, I will find you, okey?" The child ran and then I felt some pulling my hair and throwing me to the ground. I realized when I was speaking to the child, two guys appeared out of know where, started beating both Axton and I. The mother looked around for her son, but yelled at the guys, "Let's go, I need to find my son." They left us, to where Axton had a bloody and bruised face and I had a broken arm and bloody face.

Axton ran inside the cafe, grabbed some paper towels, cleaned himself and me up. I couldn't move my left arm, but I didn't care. I got up and started walking to the bridge. Axton followed and said, "Where are you going? You need a doctor". Axton caught up to me and I told him, "I'm finding the kid, I told him to come here because he had marks all over him." Axton smiled. "You're so caring, Lukas. When I was busy with distracting the mother, you wanted to protect the kid." We approached the bridge and we started looking around. I jumped when a child hugged me from behind. I turned around to see it was the boy. I smiled and said to him, "Are you okay." The boy spoke, "Y-yea I'm okey now and please don't send me back to my mom." I nodded and Axton approached my side. Axton asked, "What's your name, kiddo?" The boy look confused. "Name, i-i don't have one."Axton and I looked at each other. I looked back at the child. "Aw, i don't like that your mother didn't give you a name so I'm going to let you pick it." The child smiled and said, "I want my name to be Caleb." Axton and I smiled. Caleb tugged on my sleeve, "Can I hold your hand?" I nodded and all three of us walk to my house. We approach my house and we walk in through the back door.

As soon as we walk through the door, Caleb runs straight to the couch and falls asleep. I grab a blanket from the back of the couch and covers him up. Axton looks at me, "So, what are you going to do with him?" I'm going to protect and feed him, he doesn't need that women in his life." Axton walked up and hugged me. "I will help you with him, how's your arm?" I completely forgot my arm was broken and as soon as I remembered the pain began. Axton was a doctor, till he quit because of all the stress. He grabbed some stuff and wrapped my arm. He kissed my head and said, "I'm going to go lay down for a bit, okay?" I didn't mind, so I said, "Okey, I will be there soon." I made sure, the windows and doors were locked, I closed the curtains so the woman wouldn't see Caleb. I cleaned up the living room and kitchen, then I walked to the bedroom and smiled at him. Axton was passed out in the bed and I didn't feel right leaving Caleb in the living room. So, I picked Caleb up and moved him to the guest bedroom. I closed the door and walked back the bedroom. I kissed Axton's forehead and laid down. I was so tired that I fell asleep immediately. I woke up as soon as I fell asleep because I felt an aching, worrying pain in my stomach. I didn't feel good about leaving Caleb alone in his room, so I got up and walked to the guest bedroom. I laid down beside him and fell asleep. I could actually feel better knowing Caleb was protected.


Part 2:
The sun peered through the curtains and hit my face. I could feel the warmness hitting my body all over. I got out of the bed and looked over at Caleb. He looked so peaceful. I walked out the bedroom, cracking the door behind me. I went to my bedroom and peered in to look at Axton. He looked like an angel sleeping on a cloud. I walked towards the kitchen and pulled out ingredients to make pancakes, sausages and chocolate milk. My culinary class really paid off in high school. The pancakes turned out really good. I set the table for three and when I was done, I could see Caleb and Axton already up in the archway. I smiled and told them come and eat, its perfectly delicious. Axton, of course, came and kissed my cheek and sat down at the table. I looked at Caleb and he just stood there. I tilted my head, puzzled. Caleb just looked down at his feet, "I'm sorry, I understand if I can't eat." Axton and I looked at each other. We knew that his mother was not feeding him, he was quite skinny for a 6 year old. I walked up to him and hugged him. I felt him flinch. "Oh, Caleb, of course you can eat and you have as much as you want, I made plenty." Caleb looked up at me and smiled. He went and sat down at the table. I could tell he hadn't had a a meal in a while, by the way he stuffed food in his mouth. I sat down and at with them.

After breakfast, Caleb and Axton sat down and watched television. I went to hop in the shower, when I got out, Axton was standing in the door way. He scanned my body up and down. He bit his lip and walked closer to me. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me so close there wasn't any space between us. He leaned in for a kiss, when Caleb came running in. I quickly wrapped the towel around my waist and asked, "What's wrong, buddy?". I could tell that he was scared. "Something happened to the TV." Axton took Caleb's hand and went into the living room. I put my work clothes on and ruffled my hair. I brushed my teeth and went into my bedroom. Axton came back into the room and sneaked up behind me and grabbed me by my waist. I jumped a little. Axton moved his lips to my ear, "When are we going to be alone?". I giggled, turned around and kissed his lips. I pulled back and said, "I got to go to work, but if you watch Caleb while, I'm away, I will make it up to you tonight." Axton smiled, kissed my cheek and walked to the living room. "Well, I'm gonna start right now." I grabbed my bag and walked out the door, waving goodbye to them. I walked to work, holding my arm, trying to not feel the pain. I entered the office and set down at my desk.

It was lunch time and I was still a little full from breakfast, so I just ate a bagel. After two more hours of working, I grabbed my stuff, cleaned up my desk and walked out of the office. I started walking home, when I felt someone following me. Their footsteps were getting closer. Soon enough, they pushed me into an alleyway. They pushed me up against the wall and one of the guys started pulling his pants down. I was so scared. There was two guys there, but one of the guys never said nor did anything. The "main" guy started saying horrible things to me, like "C'mon on Orange, suck it" and "How's it like being gay?". I wanted to run, but it got way worse. The guy grabbed my head and forced me to suck his Orange. So I bit his Orange and started to run home. I reached my door and struggled to unlock the door. Luckily, Axton heard me and came to unlock the door. As soon as the door was unlocked, I ran straight to the bedroom and started crying. I heard Axton telling Caleb to stay in the living room for a minute. Axton came back into the room and held me. "What happened, baby?". I couldn't get the courage to speak in full sentences. So all that came out of my mouth was, "Guys.... alley....Orange....mouth....". I could tell that Axton was getting really mad.

Soon enough, Caleb came into the bedroom and jumped on the bed. And he hugged me. I never wanted to leave this house ever again. Axton and I looked at each other. We knew that this was a good teaching moment for Caleb. "Buddy, how do you feel about to guys kissing?". Caleb smiled. "I don't mind, I think it's sweet." I wanted to cry more because if a six year old can like gay people, why couldn't everyone else in this Orangeing town. "Caleb, you should know that when I came home crying today, it was because some people hurt me for liking boys." Caleb started to tear up and said something that made me feel good, but surprised. "I'm so sorry, daddy." Axton and I looked at each other. Then we looked down at Caleb and I rubbed his back. "It's okay, buddy, I'm gonna get through this." Caleb looked up at us and said, "Can we have lasagna tonight?". We both laughed and said, "Of course, buddy". Then he ran off and we heard the TV starting to play again. Axton kissed my cheek. "You lay here and rest, I'll cook dinner." I laid back, Axton covered me up and walked out the room, cracking the door. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I was back in the alleyway, but this time the "main" guy wasn't there, it was the only the quiet guy. He started walking up close to me and I flinched. I heard him whisper, "I am sorry, he hurt you." I looked at his arms and he was skinny. I knew I couldn't say something like, "You could have helped me." That other guy was too strong, but as soon as stopped thinking that, he said, "I know I should have helped you, but he was going to kill me." It was like he was in my my mind. He stepped back and the other guy came back into the picture. He grabbed my hair again and just as my lips almost touched his Orange, I woke up. I was relieved it was all a dream, but god it felt so real. I felt hot and realized I had night sweats. Axton came back into the room and told me dinner was ready. He walked up to me and asked, "You okay, hun?" I just nodded and got up. Except, when I got up the whole room became blurry and it started to spin. I set back down and looked at Axton. "I understand, I'll put your plate in the microwave and when we finish eating I'll give Caleb a bath and lay him down." I smiled and closed my eyes.

An hour later, I woke up to use the restroom and I could hear Axton singing a lullaby to Caleb. I put my feet on the ground and slowly stood up. I didn't feel bad so I went to the bathroom and then went to stood in the door frame of Caleb's bedroom. Caleb had fallen asleep and Axton was getting up and jumped a little when he saw me. He walked to me and kissed me. I smiled and took Axton's hand and walked to our bedroom. We got in bed and I rested my head on his chest. He smiled and played with my hair. I held him tight and closed my eyes. "Funny thing, Caleb wouldn't stop talking about the strangest dream he had." I smiled and that was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.

I woke up, but this time I wasn't in my bed or in the alley, I was in Caleb's room. Caleb was looking out the window, except he looked older, like he was sixteen. He turned around and I fell to my butt. "Hey dad, I am in your head right now and you did see a version of me today." I was shocked because he was the guy I "quiet" guy I saw. "You're not mistaking, dad, you did see me, but did you notice how I didn't help you?". I nodded. "It's because I am projecting my older self into your head, so that whenever you get into trouble, you see me." I was speechless, but I was able to stand up. "The reason I do this is because you protected me when I was being abused as a child, so now I am helping you, whenever your in trouble, I will speak to you and just run." I nod and I run to hug him. Except he disappears and I wake up for real this time. I looked around and kissed Axton's head. I laid back down and fell asleep.


Part 3:
As the sun rose over the horizon and peered through the window, I woke up with a warm embrace. As I opened my eyes, smiled and saw that Axton had already got up to cook breakfast. I could smell an exquisite aroma coming from the kitchen. I walked to the kitchen holding Caleb's hand. Axton had set the table with three plates and delicious food on them. I looked at the plates and one of them didn't have sausages, so I sat down there. Caleb sat down to my right and then Axton sat down on my left. We finish our food and I look at my phone. "Orange, I need to get to work." I kiss Axton and I saw goodbye to Caleb. I grab my keys and head out the door. I lock the door and I start running to work. I calmly walk inside and sit at my desk and start working. Hours and hours go bye and I feel exhausted. I walk back home after a long day at work, when I hear older Caleb saying, "RUN, DAD!"
I run so fast older Caleb disappears, but I trip and fall. I get up and look up. I look all over the place and realize I ran so fast that I ran out of the force field that in - closed our town. I try to go back in and I fall on my face. I run back to my house and run to Axton. I jumped into Axton's arms and hugged him. He was a little confused, but he had a smile on his face. "We can get out of here, Axton. I made it out, but I came back for you guys." Caleb came running and hugged us. I knelt down and took Caleb by the hand. "How would you like to go other places, instead of staying in this town?" Caleb jumped up and down. "Yay, lets go." I laughed. "Hold on now Caleb."


(Btw Part 3 is a work in progress)

Answer 2

i love the story so good

Answer 3

it's s hit

Answer 4

oh my goodness- i cant read all of that, unless i get the chance

Answer 5

Oh btw when you read the cuss words are replaced with other words, lol

Answer 6

oh yee i see them, but no worries im used to auto corrections and i can tell which cuss words match it lmao

Answer 7

it's really good I almost cried

Answer 8

its pretty good, i like how it makes it seem like an actual movie

Answer 9

like im able to picture it

Answer 10

Lovely. Very good. keep up the work.

Answer 11

Nice work It very good. Keep up the good work

Answer 12

This. is. literally. Amazing. I cant wait to read more

Answer 13

Dang this is lowkey nice, good work, keep it up, and then you will be better than Suzanne Collins one day

Answer 14

not reading all of that because its bad

Answer 15

It’s really good and long

Answer 16

Your welcome

Answer 17

it's really good love

Answer 18

Nice story, I really like the diverse representation (coming from a trans gay guy) :)