Question

I wrote another story called "Till Death"

Feedback, please?

Answer 1

Phoenix was a 17-year-old guy. He was not the most talkative type but he did stand out, not because he talked, but the color he dyed his hair. Most people would split-dye their hair white, but he completely dyed his white. Phoenix was completely ordinary though. There was not special about him. Phoenix was the oldest of his family. He worked two jobs, went to high school to get his diploma, he was average for his height and he had never been kissed or had a boyfriend. Phoenix would walk to school, it was the middle of the year, and winter break was just around the corner. Phoenix was quite excited for winter break to come around. Phoenix did hate how so many people had someone to spend it with. Sure, Phoenix had his family but he wanted a boyfriend. Phoenix finally got to school after walking for two point four miles. Phoenix wasn't tired at all, he once walked twenty miles just to see a friend. As he got inside he did have to go to the bathroom. So he went into the men's bathroom and sat on a toilet inside a stall. As he finished using it. He stood up, fastened his pants, and flushed the toilet. He opened the stall door when the most popular and handsome guy came into his stall, locking it behind him, and looked at Phoenix. This was new, no one ever talked or even looked at him. Now one of the most popular guys is in the same stall as him, but Phoenix knew it was all too good to be true. Phoenix looked away, but Julian, the popular guy, forced him to the wall and made him look at him. Phoenix could hardly breathe with Julian's hand on his upper throat/lower jaw. Julian forcefully kissed him as one of his hands slid down Phoenix's pants. Phoenix couldn't do it, so Phoenix pushed him off of him, unlocked the stall, and ran to the third floor. He wanted to get far away from Julian as possible. So he ran into another bathroom, but this time there was another guy in that one, and saw that Phoenix had tears in his eyes. He went to approach him, but Phoenix took a step back like he was going to hurt him.

"My lord, I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to know what's wrong." the strange guy said.

Phoenix slightly sniffled as he wiped his eyes. "J-Julian, popular g-guy, t-touched me w-with-out c-consent." Phoenix was stuttering a lot but was reasonable about what just happened.

"Oh, he did? Don't worry, he'll never touch you or another human again." And just like that he was off.

Phoenix went to the sink and cleaned his face from tears then went to his first period class. He sat in the back of the room and honestly, he never noticed anyone in his class. The first period was study hall so Phoenix just got on his phone and played a few games and listened to music. Then an hour later, the bell rang for the next class and Phoenix was always the first one there, only because it was right next to his first period. He would then sit in the back, right corner of the room. He actually was going to pay attention in this class and it was quite funny because like before he never paid attention to the people in the class, but suddenly that guy walked into class the one from the third-floor bathroom. He immediately saw Phoenix and sat beside him. Phoenix was surprised how could he not know he was in his class? Then the teacher started talking and the first thing she said was, "We have a new student". She then pointed to the guy next to me. Of course, I didn't know him, he was new. I honestly could believe that he already knew what I was talking about when I told him in the bathroom. He then stood up and told the class about him. "I'm Jeremy, I'm from Delaware and I was the star player of my old school's basketball team." The guys sudden;y took interest in him, except for Phoenix who couldn't care less because he thought it was just another sporty, popular guy.

Phoenix wanted to throw up at what he said. He did like how he was from Delaware. He sat back down and looked at him. "That was rough, do you think they like me?". Phoenix couldn't hold back a laugh as he said, "Oh you will have no problem fitting in, everyone might as well be throwing themselves at you." Jeremy whispered back into his ear, "Well I don't care about them, and if I become popular it'll make Julian either focus on me and you'll be safe." Another hour later the bell rang and Phoenix grabbed his stuff and left the classroom. Phoenix wanted to go back and apologize for being snarky, but he rarely ever apologizes for being right. Later Phoenix went to the third period and got it over with. Eventually, lunch rolled around and he was hungry. There was so much commotion when Phoenix reached the lunchroom. Phoenix just sat at the table and at his lunch. He looked around to see a huge group surrounding someone. Phoenix knew that it was Jeremy. Suddenly it got very quiet and then Jeremy was right in front of Phoenix.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm feeling better, especially with my food inside my stomach."

Jeremy then took one of Phoenix's Oreos. "How rude, give it back."

"Come and get it." Jeremy put it in his mouth.

Phoenix sat back down and finished his lunch. He crossed his arms and looked at Jeremy. Jeremy leaned across the table and got closer to Phoenix. Phoenix slapped him, got up, and walked away. Someone did walk up behind Jeremy and slap his butt. Jeremy took their hand and twisted it and Phoenix heard what the last thing he said, "Only one man can slap me anywhere and he just walked away." Phoenix smiled and kept smiling for the rest of the day. Once school ended he would walk home, but not until Jeremy caught up with him.

"So you think you can just slap me?"

"Yeah, I can especially when you get too close to me and eat my cookie."

Jeremy laughed and grabbed Phoenix's phone. "So whatcha listening to?"

"Give it back."

"Just let me do this real quick." Jeremy put his phone number into his phone and Phoenix glared at him.

Jeremy would then turn around and yell, "See you at school tomorrow." Phoenix waved just to be polite as he put his headphones on and continued walking home. Once Phoenix got home he did his homework, watched some TV, and then cooked himself some dinner. He was eating when Jeremy texted him. "How are you doing?" Phoenix got up, put his plate in the sink, took his phone to his bed, and replied back. "I'm doing perfectly fine, how about you?" Jeremy sent a reply back, "Better now that you texted me." Phoenix laughed a bit as he responded with, "You're so cheesy." They talked for hours till Phoenix fell asleep with his phone in his hand.

(chapter 1)

Answer 2

hmmm another story can't wait to read it

Answer 3

It's Delighting I do rather like the description of split dyes

Answer 4

I love it! It's really detailed and it has an amazing hook at the beginning! I can't wait for the next chapter!! wait- there will be another chapter..right?

Answer 5

It's great! I hope you keep making more!

Answer 6

please say another chapter coming-!!

Answer 7

are you going to put me in it somehow

Answer 8

oops-

Answer 9

did it wrong

Answer 10

0.0 oooooo

Answer 11

Beutiful

Answer 12

love it

Answer 13

awwww, I myslef am part of LGBTQ (I'm bi) so I LOVE this story, can't wait for chapter 2 :)

Answer 14

myself*

Answer 15

Super captivated. Can't wait for chapter 2 !!

Answer 16

i like it