I've made a better poem - Feedback?!

You are gentle, My King
I'll be your everything
It's you who I adore
I am forever yours

I'm so high off the ground
You turn my world around
I just want you alone
I want you for my own

I know you feel the same
You set my heart aflame
I'm filled with happiness
You fill my emptiness

Your body next to mine
We're two souls intertwined
Your eyes shine like the sun
You are the only one

Each memory we share
I whisper in your ear
I'd never tell a lie
I see it in your eyes

Like music to my ears
I feel it in the air
As many years go by
I'd never tell a lie

I'll give you my whole life
You make me feel alive
My heart belongs to you
I'm crazy about you

I love you so, My Love
My heart is filled with love
I know you feel the same
Just call me by my name

I want you for my own
I just want you alone
Each memory we share
I feel it in the air

You fill my emptiness
I'm filled with happiness
My heart is filled with love
You've charmed me with your love

Question

I've made a better poem - Feedback?!

You are gentle, My King
I'll be your everything
It's you who I adore
I am forever yours

I'm so high off the ground
You turn my world around
I just want you alone
I want you for my own

I know you feel the same
You set my heart aflame
I'm filled with happiness
You fill my emptiness

Your body next to mine
We're two souls intertwined
Your eyes shine like the sun
You are the only one

Each memory we share
I whisper in your ear
I'd never tell a lie
I see it in your eyes

Like music to my ears
I feel it in the air
As many years go by
I'd never tell a lie

I'll give you my whole life
You make me feel alive
My heart belongs to you
I'm crazy about you

I love you so, My Love
My heart is filled with love
I know you feel the same
Just call me by my name

I want you for my own
I just want you alone
Each memory we share
I feel it in the air

You fill my emptiness
I'm filled with happiness
My heart is filled with love
You've charmed me with your love

ElexusQuimby · Answer

OMG!!!! I love this poem so much.  Amazing and fantastic on your poem.  To be honest, all your poems are awesome and should be published.  Great job.  I hope whoever this is for appreciates it because it is awsome. Keep it up.

OLIVER69 · Answer

@elexusquimby wrote:

OMG!!!! I love this poem so much. Amazing and fantastic on your poem. To be honest, all your poems are awesome and should be published. Great job. I hope whoever this is for appreciates it because it is awsome. Keep it up.

Thank you so much and I'm pretty sure they both will like it. Means a lot coming from you, thanks again. < 3

Renne · Answer

Awww OMG YUSS BROTHER PERIOD! keep it up I love it its straightforward and amazing it has so much feeling and honesty and I love how you express your feelings through writing

OLIVER69 · Answer

@renne wrote:

Awww OMG YUSS BROTHER PERIOD! keep it up I love it its straightforward and amazing it has so much feeling and honesty and I love how you express your feelings through writing

Aww, thanks sis means a lot from you too. Writing is my one true passion so thanks for what you say. < 3

Renne · Answer

@oliver69 wrote:

@renne wrote:

Awww OMG YUSS BROTHER PERIOD! keep it up I love it its straightforward and amazing it has so much feeling and honesty and I love how you express your feelings through writing

Aww, thanks sis means a lot from you too. Writing is my one true passion so thanks for what you say. < 3

Ofc Im here to supporttt

OLIVER69 · Answer

@williammcgeorge and @bravosix this is mainly for you two guys. You both mean a lot to me. And you guys always care for me. I honestly don't know what I would do without you guys. I couldn't just make this for one of you because again you guys mean the world to me. < 3

Williammcgeorge · Answer

@oliver69 wrote:

@williammcgeorge and @bravosix this is mainly for you two guys. You both mean a lot to me. And you guys always care for me. I honestly don't know what I would do without you guys. I couldn't just make this for one of you because again you guys mean the world to me. < 3

tbh i wish jer would give me another chance

chuckthedonut · Answer

Awww, this is sooo sweet, I love every bit of it, I really like how you added "Each memory we share, I whisper in your ear, I'd never tell a lie, I see it in your eyes" because it adds great detail to the poem. Everyone could understand the point easily. All of your poems are amazing !! Nice job bsf <333

chuckthedonut · Answer

@lars look how cool this poem is.

Lars · Answer

This is adorable !! I'm sure that whoever this is for will love it. This poem actually made ME smile and it wasn't even for me Apple. Good job <3

Lars · Answer

@lars wrote:

This is adorable !! I'm sure that whoever this is for will love it. This poem actually made ME smile and it wasn't even for me Apple. Good job <3

Ignore "Apple" 😭💀

FutureRapper · Answer

nice man

P1n3appl31 · Answer

Very nice sobrino, I don't have any improvement comments on this one