Question

I wrote this a while back, let me know what y'all thing about it.

"Pain and Love "
If you could see the real me
you would see a demon
If you walked through the door
you would hear me roar
because I am in pain.
I try to keep out the good
side of me, but it keeps dying.
If you walk through the door
and see
I got a shotgun to my head,
its cause I can't have you.
The demon inside trys to come out.
but the angel doesn't want to hide
So, if you see me dead
its cause I cant have you.
you you you
you.
I cant have you.

But I have love in my heart and Love is the answer to it all I will forever and always love you for you have made a mark on my life and my heart. We may not be soulmates but we will always be friends and that I will never forget. I have had an angel in my life as a love and as a friend, and for that you will never be forgotten.

Answer 1

It is very good, and never give up

Answer 2

This is absolutely amazing hun, amazing job on writing this piece, absolutely beautiful. And don't you ever give up on me, we are in this together, we are fighting this together, no one is ever alone. I love you hun, and thank you for sharing this.

Answer 3

@ferrari

Answer 4

It is really good!!! W

Answer 5

You did great I love it and just know you aren't alone or anything I'm here for you no matter what and just know you can always talk to me whenever everything is okay don't give up or anything keep fighting

Answer 6

I feel u bro, I really do. Every day I fight like its the last day. so trust me I know the feeling.

Answer 7

i under stand how u feel i really do

Answer 8

This poem can be a song.Is it okay if i add more to it?

Answer 9

Yo that's some deep stuff man. I can tell you really poured your heart into writing it. The mix of pain and love coming through is really raw and emotional. Takes guts to put those kind of feelings into words. Some parts could maybe use a lil reworking - like the shotgun line is a bit much - but overall the message about struggling between the dark and light inside hits home. And that ending about having an angelic love even if not soulmates, that's real meaningful. Shows you appreciate what yall had. Keep working on your craft, sharing your truth through lyrics is dope. Just be careful about that inner pain ya know, make sure to take care of yourself too bro.

Answer 10

Great job danny i could feel the intensity of the words

Answer 11

W

Answer 12

This is really good but also depressing so keep up the good work.

Answer 13

W

Answer 14

Lovin it :>

Answer 15

nice

Answer 16

very nice^^

Answer 17

Felt

Answer 18

Very well written! Great Job!! 🤍

Answer 19

It's really good! W's all around.

Answer 20

@mikewwe13