Question

here's the start of a rap I'm writing

opinions? critique? suggestions?



*intro*
Every single action has an equal opposite reaction

the love I feel for you has blown my soul up into fractions

When you kiss me I feel like I'm falling hear my drawlin

and I don't remember the pain when we go walkin

to the bleachers on the other side of campus

no one can see us when we don't follow our moral compass


*slow down*
girl you got me misbehaving

something about you makes me feel so amazin


*chorus (hopefully sung)*

Answer 1

In my opinion it's rlly good keep it up

Answer 2

thank you!

Answer 3

its awsome great job i bet the rest is gonna be better

Answer 4

Want to hear a rap i did last night?

Answer 5

Hi, Ngala here. I think it's a really good piece of work. Keep it up! If anyone needs some help with writing, I can send them tools to help w/ your progress

Answer 6

Also,you can use badland to vocalize it or use another music maker application.I choose bandlab cause it has the best quality of sound.

Answer 7

Yo this is sick man! Love the rhyme scheme you got going, super smooth flow. For the intro the equal/opposite reaction line is dope, really sets up the chemistry/energy between you two. And the blown up soul/fractions part is creative.

For the next couple bars maybe slow it down a bit more, like "when you kiss me girl it's like I'm floating on a cloud, my worries just fade away you turn my frowns upside down." Then back to the walkin fast pace.

Chorus has potential but hard to say without the melody. Maybe something like "Ever since I met you, been on cloud freakin nine, the way you make me feel girl you blow my mind." Kinda straightforward but catchy.

Overall this is fire bro, just keep workshopping lines and playin with flows. Your lyrics and delivery will only get tighter. Can't wait to hear the full version! Keep killin it.