I want some feedback on my writing. i like it, but i kinda want to see where it can get better

Question

Friendless · Answer

My hair is flowing through the air, while my eyes are closed tight. I’m five stories high. The screams from down below are telling me “Don’t do it!” or, “You have so much to live for!”, but I don’t have anything to live for. If my family sees me, they’ll make sure I can’t escape. I lean forward, and air rushes towards my face. I’m falling! I actually am! I fall for around 15 seconds, when I hit the ground.
 You know when you hit your elbow? That's what I felt all throughout my body briefly when I hit the ground. I’m alive. People gasp, and I'm stunned. I slowly get up, and I start running, I'm scared, and I don’t know what just happened. I run somewhere, not sure where im going. That’s when I look behind me. My parents are chasing me.
My parents are yelling threats at me, and it makes me want to attack them more with each word.

hannahj · Answer

cool

ilovemypomchi17 · Answer

@friendless wrote:

My hair is flowing through the air, while my eyes are closed tight. I’m five stories high. The screams from down below are telling me “Don’t do it!” or, “You have so much to live for!”, but I don’t have anything to live for. If my family sees me, they’ll make sure I can’t escape. I lean forward, and air rushes towards my face. I’m falling! I actually am! I fall for around 15 seconds, when I hit the ground. You know when you hit your elbow? That’s what I felt all throughout my body briefly when I hit the ground. I’m alive. People gasp, and I’m stunned. I slowly get up, and I start running, I’m scared, and I don’t know what just happened. I run somewhere, not sure where im going. That’s when I look behind me. My parents are chasing me. My parents are yelling threats at me, and it makes me want to attack them more with each word.

it sounds really good so far. There’s a couple grammar mistakes but nothing too horrible. It would be a really interesting twist if you somehow killed your parents without you touching them like if you have powers or something.

5StarFab · Answer

I'm going to add my own words to here.

5StarFab · Answer

My hair is flowing through the air, while my eyes are closed tight. I’m five stories high. The screams from down below are telling me “Don’t do it!” or, “You have so much to live for!”, but I don’t have anything to live for. If my family sees me, they’ll make sure I can’t escape. I lean forward, and air rushes towards my face. I’m falling! I actually am! I fall for around 15 seconds, when I hit the ground.
 You know when you hit your elbow? That's what I felt all throughout my body briefly when I hit the ground. I’m alive. People gasp, and I'm stunned. I slowly get up, and I start running, I'm scared, and I don’t know what just happened. I run somewhere, not sure where i'm going. That’s when I look behind me. My parents are chasing me.
My parents are yelling threats at me, and it makes me want to attack them more with each word.Their my burden cause they know i been F@cking hurting since the start when they broke my heart.They lied to my face they just another disgrace that keeps getting my F@cking Way! They want to make me  do their shi F@ck no you F@cking  B!tch!!!!

Friendless · Answer

@5starfab wrote:

My hair is flowing through the air, while my eyes are closed tight. I’m five stories high. The screams from down below are telling me “Don’t do it!” or, “You have so much to live for!”, but I don’t have anything to live for. If my family sees me, they’ll make sure I can’t escape. I lean forward, and air rushes towards my face. I’m falling! I actually am! I fall for around 15 seconds, when I hit the ground. You know when you hit your elbow? That's what I felt all throughout my body briefly when I hit the ground. I’m alive. People gasp, and I'm stunned. I slowly get up, and I start running, I'm scared, and I don’t know what just happened. I run somewhere, not sure where i'm going. That’s when I look behind me. My parents are chasing me. My parents are yelling threats at me, and it makes me want to attack them more with each word.Their my burden cause they know i been F@cking hurting since the start when they broke my heart.They lied to my face they just another disgrace that keeps getting my F@cking Way! They want to make me do their shi F@ck no you F@cking B!tch!!!!

i like this but i've made more of it: My hair is flowing through the air, while my eyes are closed tight. I’m five stories high. The screams from down below are telling me “Don’t do it!” or, “You have so much to live for!”, but I don’t have anything to live for. If my family sees me, they’ll make sure I can’t escape. I lean forward, and air rushes towards my face. I’m falling! I actually am! I fall for around 15 seconds, when I hit the ground. You know when you hit your elbow? That's what I felt all throughout my body briefly when I hit the ground. I’m alive. People gasp, and I'm stunned. I slowly get up, and I start running, I'm scared, and I don’t know what just happened. I run somewhere, not sure where im going. That’s when I look behind me. My parents are chasing me. My parents are yelling threats at me, and it makes me want to attack them more with each word. In school, I’m on the track team, so I was in good shape. My parents, on the other hand, were as lazy as an old dying cat. They make me do all the chores, even though I have 4 other siblings. One spoiled younger brother, Rowan, my twin brother, Dante, an awesome older brother, Tobias, a chronically online younger sister, Willow, then me, Celeste. Tobias is an angel, he always tried to help me when my parents overburdened me. When I was little, he would read me bedtime stories when my parents wouldn't, and he bought me a car on my 16th birthday. He was the only reason that I held on, but when he moved from Indiana to Florida on his 18th birthday, my parents cried for around 6 days straight, and so did I.

HotPockets14 · Answer

@friendless wrote:

My hair is flowing through the air, while my eyes are closed tight. I’m five stories high. The screams from down below are telling me “Don’t do it!” or, “You have so much to live for!”, but I don’t have anything to live for. If my family sees me, they’ll make sure I can’t escape. I lean forward, and air rushes towards my face. I’m falling! I actually am! I fall for around 15 seconds, when I hit the ground. You know when you hit your elbow? That's what I felt all throughout my body briefly when I hit the ground. I’m alive. People gasp, and I'm stunned. I slowly get up, and I start running, I'm scared, and I don’t know what just happened. I run somewhere, not sure where im going. That’s when I look behind me. My parents are chasing me. My parents are yelling threats at me, and it makes me want to attack them more with each word.

Its good, you should add more to the story

Friendless · Answer

@hotpockets14 wrote:

@friendless wrote:

My hair is flowing through the air, while my eyes are closed tight. I’m five stories high. The screams from down below are telling me “Don’t do it!” or, “You have so much to live for!”, but I don’t have anything to live for. If my family sees me, they’ll make sure I can’t escape. I lean forward, and air rushes towards my face. I’m falling! I actually am! I fall for around 15 seconds, when I hit the ground. You know when you hit your elbow? That's what I felt all throughout my body briefly when I hit the ground. I’m alive. People gasp, and I'm stunned. I slowly get up, and I start running, I'm scared, and I don’t know what just happened. I run somewhere, not sure where im going. That’s when I look behind me. My parents are chasing me. My parents are yelling threats at me, and it makes me want to attack them more with each word.

Its good, you should add more to the story

I actually have a lot more

HotPockets14 · Answer

@friendless wrote:

@hotpockets14 wrote:

cool keep up the great work

@friendless wrote:

My hair is flowing through the air, while my eyes are closed tight. I’m five stories high. The screams from down below are telling me “Don’t do it!” or, “You have so much to live for!”, but I don’t have anything to live for. If my family sees me, they’ll make sure I can’t escape. I lean forward, and air rushes towards my face. I’m falling! I actually am! I fall for around 15 seconds, when I hit the ground. You know when you hit your elbow? That's what I felt all throughout my body briefly when I hit the ground. I’m alive. People gasp, and I'm stunned. I slowly get up, and I start running, I'm scared, and I don’t know what just happened. I run somewhere, not sure where im going. That’s when I look behind me. My parents are chasing me. My parents are yelling threats at me, and it makes me want to attack them more with each word.

Its good, you should add more to the story

I actually have a lot more