New story I am working on please give me some advice on how to make it better.

Question

toga · Answer

The rain was coming down in sheets, drenching the deserted road as Sarah drove home from her friend's house. The wind was howling through the trees, shaking their branches and making them creak and groan. Sarah gripped the steering wheel tightly, trying to keep the car from sliding off the slick road.

But despite her best efforts, Sarah couldn't shake the feeling that she was being followed. Every time she looked in the rearview mirror, she saw nothing but darkness and rain. But she couldn't shake the feeling that something was there, lurking just out of sight.

As she drove on, the storm grew more intense. The wind whipped around the car, rattling the windows and making it hard to see. Then, without warning, the car hit a pothole and the tire blew out.

Sarah pulled over to the side of the road, her heart racing. She got out of the car and was immediately hit by the full force of the storm. Rain pelted her face, and the wind threatened to knock her over.

But as she reached for the jack, she heard it – a low, guttural growl coming from the darkness. She froze, her heart in her throat. The growling grew louder, and she realized it was getting closer.

Sarah's hands shook as she fumbled with the jack, trying to change the tire as quickly as possible. But the growling grew louder still, and she realized that it was coming from just beyond the edge of the clearing.

She looked up and saw a pair of glowing eyes staring at her from the shadows. They were fixed on her, unblinking and intense. Sarah's heart raced as she tried to work faster, her fingers slipping on the jack handle.

But it was too late. The creature had caught up to her, its sharp claws scratching at the windows. Sarah screamed, pressing herself against the car door as the creature tore its way through the roof of the car.

Its eyes were fixed on her, burning with a malevolent light. Sarah tried to start the engine, but it wouldn't turn over. The creature was getting closer, its hot breath fogging up the windows. Its claws scraped against the metal of the car, sending shivers down Sarah's spine.

Just when Sarah thought it was all over, the rain stopped, and the clouds parted. Moonlight flooded the clearing, illuminating the creature in all its horrible glory. It let out a final, bloodcurdling scream before disappearing into the darkness.

Shaken and terrified, Sarah managed to change the tire and drive home. But she never forgot the feeling of those glowing eyes watching her, and she never drove down that road again.

toga · Answer

what names should i change it to

toga · Answer

@toga wrote:

what names should I change it to

cuz I use the names Sarah and jack a lot in my writing.

Maramaria · Answer

good story

Midnight97 · Answer

Hun the story is amazing I really like it

Midnight97 · Answer

If you like I can show you mine if you want

CrumbCrumbington · Answer

Mid

toga · Answer

@midnight97 wrote:

If you like I can show you mine if you want

I would love to see yours

CrumbCrumbington · Answer

@toga wrote:

@midnight97 wrote:

If you like I can show you mine if you want

I would love to see yours

Bro this is generic

Midnight97 · Answer

@toga wrote:

@midnight97 wrote:

If you like I can show you mine if you want

I would love to see yours

Alright

CrumbCrumbington · Answer

its literally ai

toga · Answer

@crumbcrumbington wrote:

Mid

if you don't have any constructive criticism then please don't reply to my question

Midnight97 · Answer

@toga wrote:

@crumbcrumbington wrote:

Mid

if you don't have any constructive criticism then please don't reply to my question

fr

CrumbCrumbington · Answer

I have some, Throw it in the trash and start over.

CrumbCrumbington · Answer

Checkmate.

Midnight97 · Answer

Here's some of mine

toga · Answer

@crumbcrumbington wrote:

I have some, Throw it in the trash and start over.

you have the right to your opinion

Midnight97 · Answer

The Sirens’ Prophecy

This is the prophecy of 4 sirens, one female and 3 males.
One was born just as a normal siren but got changed into a wolf siren.
The 3 males are brothers. All 4 are named Echo, Haloes, Flame, and Darkness.
They are born to end the dark war but something happens to them, one of the males falls in love with the female.

Chapter 1: The Beginning

It was a cold, dark morning. Two children's parents were hunting.
The mother of one looks up at the sky. The mother says, ”Max, get your sister inside now!”
Max looked at his mother and nodded. He picks up his sister and goes inside.
He lays his sister down in her bed and says, “It will be alright sis, i’m here.”
The other family was in a fight, and as the oldest of three, Halose had to keep his brothers safe.
Halose starts to think, "Ugh, I wish they would stop fighting for one day. I should stop them, but I don't want to get in trouble. I'm staying out of it!" Flame looked at his brother and asked, ”Why do they always fight bubba?” Halose sighs and looks at his baby brother and starts to think again, ”I’m getting them out of here, even if we have to run away. They cannot have this toxicity!” Meanwhile, Max looked out the window and saw his mother getting stabbed. He ran over to his sister, picked her up, and ran out of the house!
Max hides behind a tree and starts to cry. He looks at his sister and holds her close to his chest. He says, ”I’m not letting anybody get you, Lil Sis. Y-you have a-a prophecy, and I’m not letting anything happen to you. You’re too important…” Years later, Echo wakes up in her cage and sighs. “It was a dream again! I don’t remember my brother or my mother, but one day I'll be out of this prison!” She hears a door open. “Oh no, I have to hide!” The scientist walks into the room and says ”Echo, Dear, where are you?’’ He hears her moving around. He says, ”I hear you, Dear.. You cannot hide from me!’’ He walks to where she is hiding and pulls her out. She growls, ”Let me go, you son of!..” He says “Shush, Dear.” He puts her harness on her and holds her down!

toga · Answer

@midnight97 wrote:

The Sirens’ Prophecy This is the prophecy of 4 sirens, one female and 3 males. One was born just as a normal siren but got changed into a wolf siren. The 3 males are brothers. All 4 are named Echo, Haloes, Flame, and Darkness. They are born to end the dark war but something happens to them, one of the males falls in love with the female. Chapter 1: The Beginning It was a cold, dark morning. Two children's parents were hunting. The mother of one looks up at the sky. The mother says, ”Max, get your sister inside now!” Max looked at his mother and nodded. He picks up his sister and goes inside. He lays his sister down in her bed and says, “It will be alright sis, i’m here.” The other family was in a fight, and as the oldest of three, Halose had to keep his brothers safe. Halose starts to think, "Ugh, I wish they would stop fighting for one day. I should stop them, but I don't want to get in trouble. I'm staying out of it!" Flame looked at his brother and asked, ”Why do they always fight bubba?” Halose sighs and looks at his baby brother and starts to think again, ”I’m getting them out of here, even if we have to run away. They cannot have this toxicity!” Meanwhile, Max looked out the window and saw his mother getting stabbed. He ran over to his sister, picked her up, and ran out of the house! Max hides behind a tree and starts to cry. He looks at his sister and holds her close to his chest. He says, ”I’m not letting anybody get you, Lil Sis. Y-you have a-a prophecy, and I’m not letting anything happen to you. You’re too important…” Years later, Echo wakes up in her cage and sighs. “It was a dream again! I don’t remember my brother or my mother, but one day I'll be out of this prison!” She hears a door open. “Oh no, I have to hide!” The scientist walks into the room and says ”Echo, Dear, where are you?’’ He hears her moving around. He says, ”I hear you, Dear.. You cannot hide from me!’’ He walks to where she is hiding and pulls her out. She growls, ”Let me go, you son of!..” He says “Shush, Dear.” He puts her harness on her and holds her down!

that is nice

Midnight97 · Answer

@toga wrote:

@midnight97 wrote:

The Sirens’ Prophecy This is the prophecy of 4 sirens, one female and 3 males. One was born just as a normal siren but got changed into a wolf siren. The 3 males are brothers. All 4 are named Echo, Haloes, Flame, and Darkness. They are born to end the dark war but something happens to them, one of the males falls in love with the female. Chapter 1: The Beginning It was a cold, dark morning. Two children's parents were hunting. The mother of one looks up at the sky. The mother says, ”Max, get your sister inside now!” Max looked at his mother and nodded. He picks up his sister and goes inside. He lays his sister down in her bed and says, “It will be alright sis, i’m here.” The other family was in a fight, and as the oldest of three, Halose had to keep his brothers safe. Halose starts to think, "Ugh, I wish they would stop fighting for one day. I should stop them, but I don't want to get in trouble. I'm staying out of it!" Flame looked at his brother and asked, ”Why do they always fight bubba?” Halose sighs and looks at his baby brother and starts to think again, ”I’m getting them out of here, even if we have to run away. They cannot have this toxicity!” Meanwhile, Max looked out the window and saw his mother getting stabbed. He ran over to his sister, picked her up, and ran out of the house! Max hides behind a tree and starts to cry. He looks at his sister and holds her close to his chest. He says, ”I’m not letting anybody get you, Lil Sis. Y-you have a-a prophecy, and I’m not letting anything happen to you. You’re too important…” Years later, Echo wakes up in her cage and sighs. “It was a dream again! I don’t remember my brother or my mother, but one day I'll be out of this prison!” She hears a door open. “Oh no, I have to hide!” The scientist walks into the room and says ”Echo, Dear, where are you?’’ He hears her moving around. He says, ”I hear you, Dear.. You cannot hide from me!’’ He walks to where she is hiding and pulls her out. She growls, ”Let me go, you son of!..” He says “Shush, Dear.” He puts her harness on her and holds her down!

that is nice

I'll have to show the other parts in dms

toga · Answer

@midnight97 wrote:

@toga wrote:

@midnight97 wrote:

The Sirens’ Prophecy This is the prophecy of 4 sirens, one female and 3 males. One was born just as a normal siren but got changed into a wolf siren. The 3 males are brothers. All 4 are named Echo, Haloes, Flame, and Darkness. They are born to end the dark war but something happens to them, one of the males falls in love with the female. Chapter 1: The Beginning It was a cold, dark morning. Two children's parents were hunting. The mother of one looks up at the sky. The mother says, ”Max, get your sister inside now!” Max looked at his mother and nodded. He picks up his sister and goes inside. He lays his sister down in her bed and says, “It will be alright sis, i’m here.” The other family was in a fight, and as the oldest of three, Halose had to keep his brothers safe. Halose starts to think, "Ugh, I wish they would stop fighting for one day. I should stop them, but I don't want to get in trouble. I'm staying out of it!" Flame looked at his brother and asked, ”Why do they always fight bubba?” Halose sighs and looks at his baby brother and starts to think again, ”I’m getting them out of here, even if we have to run away. They cannot have this toxicity!” Meanwhile, Max looked out the window and saw his mother getting stabbed. He ran over to his sister, picked her up, and ran out of the house! Max hides behind a tree and starts to cry. He looks at his sister and holds her close to his chest. He says, ”I’m not letting anybody get you, Lil Sis. Y-you have a-a prophecy, and I’m not letting anything happen to you. You’re too important…” Years later, Echo wakes up in her cage and sighs. “It was a dream again! I don’t remember my brother or my mother, but one day I'll be out of this prison!” She hears a door open. “Oh no, I have to hide!” The scientist walks into the room and says ”Echo, Dear, where are you?’’ He hears her moving around. He says, ”I hear you, Dear.. You cannot hide from me!’’ He walks to where she is hiding and pulls her out. She growls, ”Let me go, you son of!..” He says “Shush, Dear.” He puts her harness on her and holds her down!

that is nice

I'll have to show the other parts in dms

ok

toga · Answer

@crumbcrumbington wrote:

Checkmate.

this is sad

curb · Answer

Nice story 🤔

Maramaria · Answer

thats a lot frfr

snowie · Answer

it's awesome

Maramaria · Answer

:)

zombieblud · Answer

no more story *eats ur story*