Question

Guys! Check this out. I know it probably loses interest later on but just read it and tell me what you think.

Answer 1

“This is going to be so much fun!!” Abbigail squealed as she, Daniel, Rachel, Lawrence, Elizabeth, and Ally entered the building to look around.
“Hey, Josh!” Dante called, “You got everything out of the trunk?” He snickered knowing the answer
“No, I haven’t! And you could’ve helped you know!” Josh wasn’t pleased or laughing at this. “Instead of standing there and looking like a mindless git!”
At this Dante burst into laughter; “I’m good Josh, thanks for the offer, but I’mma go inside and look around a bit and try to…” His voice trailed off as he went inside, still slightly chuckling.
Josh sighs and gets the rest of the stuff from the car and brings it inside. He looks around a bit before calling everyone to the dimly lit dining hall to make some rules while they're here. When they are finished making the rules, they play games. There’s an assortment of games they play; like Checkers, Jenga, and Spin the Bottle (Dante’s favorite because he got to smooch Abbigail 4 times :p).
There was laughter and giggles and of course, roughhousing everywhere you looked. No one knew that….
Dante and his twin brother Lawrence were cooking dinner and dessert for everyone. They made glazed chicken with mashed and scalloped potatoes and some vegetables. For dessert, it was vanilla ice cream and sponge cake.
After eating everyone decided to play hide and seek, Josh was the seeker. He waited for everyone to hide and go their separate ways before trying to find them. He found Lawrence after only a little bit of searching. Josh told Lawrence to head back to the dining hall and then they parted ways.
After about thirty minutes after finding Lawrence; Josh hears a shrill scream of “No! Stop it! Stop it! Plea-!”. Then it stopped. Josh stood there for a minute before he turned around and ran towards the scream. As Josh ran, he tripped over several things and fell a couple of times and when he got to the scene he tried to open the door. Won’t budge… He thought and tried several other methods before the door finally opened and what lay there horrified him..
There lay a small, pale body, in a puddle of blood, blonde hair soaked and multiple stab wounds to the stomach and chest. Josh fell to his knees and let out a stifled scream of pure shock and horror. He couldn’t breathe or speak at this very moment.
When the others heard his scream they came rushing over. They all stopped and looked horrified….but Dante was worse. His eyes were wide and he was almost as pale as the body that lay on the floor..drenched in blood. Dante falls to his knees beside Abbigail’s limp dead cold body and tries to act like it’s a joke, a messed up joke.
“C…Come on Abbi...t...this isn’t funny..!” Dante said with a half sob and laugh. Dante tries shaking the body, trying to find any sign that this is all a prank…or a joke. But after a while he just gives up and looks at the ceiling, tears streaming down his face. He makes no noise whatsoever.
Ally kneels beside Dante and rubs his back in a comforting manner. “Hey..it’ll all be okay…we’ll find who did this, don’t worry Dante..” Ally whispered with a soft calm almost motherly tone.
At this Dante fell apart and clinged onto Ally as if he was dying. He cried so hard it was just hurtful to watch. Who would do such a thing to a sweet, innocent girl? She had so much more left in her.. It just doesn’t make sense! Why would someone kill her? Of all people….why her..?

—End of this part I guess— —Start of this part. Ally’s POV—

It’s mealtime now. We just got done burying the body out back. We’re all not very hungry but we eat anyway. That’s what Abbigail would want anyway… Dante hasn’t touched his food. I’m worried about him..
“Dante….You need to eat, I know it hurts but you can’t starve yourself…Abbi would want you to eat…” I say as comforting as I could, I don’t think he took that the right way…
Dante throws his silverware down and stands abruptly, knocking over his chair “Don’t mention her name!” He yells and storms off. Rachel automatically follows suit….strange…she’s more attached to him…ever since…but no! She couldn’t have done that..!
I sigh and get up and follow them “Dante..! Rachel!” I catch up to them and stop them “Guys! Come on…let’s go back to the table…”
Thoughts!!: “Dante just glared at me and shoved past me. But Rachel heads back with me…wearing a giddy…all too-happy smile…maybe she…? No, she couldn’t have…But what if…?”
After a few hours, I go check up on Dante and he’s sitting on his bed….with a gun pressed against his head. I rush over, grab the gun, and toss it on the ground. “Dante! Are you mental?!” I scream at him. “What were you thinking?!” I start crying “God Dante…why?” I fall to my knees in front of him, praying to the lord that Dante doesn’t do anything like that again.
A couple of minutes later Josh comes to get us and I motion to the gun; “Take that and hide it, Josh. Dante almost…I don’t know what to do anymore! Everyone’s just…” I hide my face in my hands and cry. It’s too much.
Josh takes the gun and goes to hide it. I take Dante out to the dining hall and get him something to eat and force him to eat so he doesn’t starve himself to death. And for the first time in a long time…there was laughter from the others and this made me happy!
—End of this part and end of Ally’s pov— —Onto this part Dante’s pov—

I sit there, alone in my bedroom, gun pressed against my head. “Should I do this…?” I thought over and over, debating for hours…if I should pull the trigger. Then Ally stormed in.
“Dante!” She shrieked “Are you mental?!” She was furious and took the gun from me. I didn’t resist her though, I don’t even think I would be able to even if I tried. After that, Josh came and took the gun away..
And that’s how I’ve ended up in the kitchen being forced to eat…I don’t want to eat…It wouldn’t feel right… Why can’t they understand that?
I heard someone laugh and so I looked, it was Lizzy (Elizabeth), she was laughing. It was a nice change in the atmosphere but….it didn’t feel the same though, it was less of a laugh and more of a cover-up for….

Answer 2

its good😁🫢

Answer 3

amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing :)

Answer 4

Thank you c:

Answer 5

Your doing great on this, I love how to include different point of views of the story!!!

Answer 6

you*

Answer 7

Thank you!

Answer 8

It's good, but you might want to add some more details in-between and give the readers more visual on what's happening. Like this (The dusty brown chair creaked when I sat down patiently. Make sure to give more details about how the characters are feeling and more dialogue to spice the story up but other then that the plot is good and the idea. I hope this helps. :D

Answer 9

9000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/10

Answer 10

np

Answer 11

c:

Answer 12

^^

Answer 13

i love it

Answer 14

nice

Answer 15

Ty ty