My class was told to make an essay about social media. How is mine?

Question

Aliciaa · Answer

The Effect of social media on humans

Social media can affect thoughts and feelings. Social media has delayed sleep and caused the effects of depression, memory loss, and poor academic performance.
               Some negative effects of social media are Cyberbullying, Social anxiety, Depression, and exposure to content that is in fact, not age appropriate. Also, social media is addicting.
               Social media can also give false information about mental health, which contributes to mental illness stigma. Social media can cause people to lack in-person interactions and can cause people to not be themselves.
               Social media can also lead to identity theft, offensive messages or images, and strangers -pretending to be someone they’re not.
               Although social media is a very addicting place, social media is also very toxic and dangerous. Social media causes kids to be addicted to their phones, which causes kids to stop going outside and get less sunlight.

euphoriiic · Answer

it'ss gooodd, good job !!

Aliciaa · Answer

ty

Aliciaa · Answer

I think I should make it a little longer though, and I can't think of anything else. Can someone please give me some more ideas and/or thoughts on what to add?

TheyLuhhJae · Answer

Well I'd say first off, do you have a hook that will drive readers to wanna read more? Does it make it interesting? 
I also felt like all of this info is similar so it could just be in one paragraph, instead of many. 
You should also do some more research from trustworthy sites. You don't want false info in an essay.

Overall, I thought it was pretty well. But just add a bit more into it. (: