Question

My memoir for my Creative Writing Class. You can give feedback if you want or you can just rate it, either works.

Answer 1

Back in 6th grade, in art class, we had to do this project with clay. I don’t remember exactly what the project was, but I know for sure it had something to do with clay.

My friend, Kate, and I were sitting next to each other in class. She was finishing an old assignment from the last time in class and I was beginning today’s assignment. When I finished the assignment, I waited until she was done so we could start the clay project together. As she finished, I got our area ready for the clay by gathering water, paper towels, and the tools in order to make whatever we were making. Once we got started on the clay project, that’s when all the bad stuff happened…

The teacher told us specifically NOT to clap our hands while we were messing with the clay, but I did the exact opposite, forgetting that completely.

As we were forming the clay into the shape we wanted it to be by adding water and rolling it around on the table, me and Kate were making jokes with the people around us. The class ended up coming to an end, but me and her didn’t get much done because we started later than the rest of the class. Seeing that I got everything out and set up, she agreed to put everything back where it’s supposed to be. I had got in the line to wash my hands and randomly clapped my hands for no apparent reason. I think I just did it just to do something, but that was the worst choice I ever made.

Kate came over to the sink area and looked at me. “Allyson, your face is red,” she said. “I know. I was scratching it because it’s itchy.” I said. She looked at me with more worry and concern than she has ever had when she talks to me. “Maybe you should go to the nurse because it looks bad.” That’s where I was getting nervous, concerned, worried and scared.

When I got done washing my hands, I went over to the teacher and asked if I could go to the nurse. He was busy doing some other things, so he told me to wait a minute. I said, “I can’t wait a minute because my face is itching really bad and a friend said something was wrong.” He finally stopped doing whatever he was he was doing and wrote me a pass to the nurse. I never walked so fast, but luckily I was already on the first floor and I didn’t have to walk far.

As I entered the nurses office, she looked up at me from her computer, “Hey what’s u-, oh my God. What happened?” I explained to her what happened and she decided to call my mama to ask if she could put some ointment on my face. Once she got my mama on the phone and explained everything, she wanted to talk to me personally. One thing about my mama, she always gets very, very concerned every time something happens to me that she is not there to witness herself, especially since I have some health issues.

On the phone, she asked me if I was okay, could I breathe, was it hard for me to breathe and am I feeling lightheaded. Seeing that I have asthma, every 5 minutes, she kept asking me if I could breathe. Eventually, she told me to give the nurse back the phone and they talked more. She gave the nurse permission to give me some ointment and after that I was alright.

Once she got done with the ointment, she wanted to go back to the art class teacher and let him know what happened and so I could collect my belongings. Surprisingly, my sister somehow ended up in the nurse's office to get some ice, so when she saw my face, it was even more wild. She was asking many questions, but the nurse told her to stop. She did end up getting a little rundown of what happened. On our way to the classroom, we were walking very slowly, but fast.

We got to the classroom and he had 8th graders in there. People I didn’t even know were asking me what happened and if I’m okay or not. The teacher was hysterical when he saw my face because he didn’t even look at me when he wrote me the pass earlier. Knowing my sister, she was telling the teacher all types of things, “What did you do to my sister?”, “If something happens to her, it's in your hands.” blah blah. Everyone knew it was a joke, but she was being serious as well. So on, so forth, the teacher apologized, I gathered my things and we went back to the nurses office, as my sister went to her designated class.

I sat in the nurse’s office for about 10 more minutes and left for my last class of the day. Everyone in the class was asking me what happened, but I literally just ignored them. I was tired and just wanted to go home after that little thing that happened.

After that little incident, I got hives about 3 more times and then one day, I never got them again.

Answer 2

ohh its an allergic reaction

Answer 3

7/10

Answer 4

Oh, I love that. I think your writing is excellent, and the story is very interesting. Last year and this year, I did something similar (minus the allergic reaction). We did clay and like plasma? I forgot what it was called, but they also use it for casts. So the dust was not meant to be clapped because if it gets wet (like in your body), it will harden or even expand. Some kid swallowed a little piece as a "joke," and the ambulance showed up. very good story!!👣🤏

Answer 5

OMG OMG OMG ALLY I"M SUCHA FAN!!! CAN U SIGN MY PINKY TOE????

Answer 6

boo thumbs down

Answer 7

(I haven’t read it yet)

Answer 8

has to reread it because I forgot the story whoops. the first eight paragraphs or whatever were good but then I lost interest in the next few because I realized the answer to what happened didn’t show up so that was lame. also “she said” “I said” don’t go good together but hey that’s js my perspective I’d maybe use smt like “I replied” or maybe “I responded” js to make it sound better, oh also there should be a comma added in “itchy.” I said.” so it’ll look more like “itchy,” I said.” and there should be a comma also added in “worried, and scared.” another tip, maybe replace one of those words with anxious or smt like that. and instead of “very, very” maybe use “extremely” or another word. also another comma between “breathe, and” keep in mind that whenever you list smt, you need to add commas. Also idk what “very slowly, but fast” is supposed to mean 😭 perhaps add “teacher” before saying “he” in the 8th grader paragraph to be a bit more specific. that’s about it tho

Answer 9

WOAHHHH