This is my fanfiction for Panic! At the disco, I'm not too sure if this is a good layout for chapter one. I also need help with figuring out if my wording makes sense to a reader since it is in 3rd perspective.

If anyone could close read this and give me their open honest opinion that would be amazing, its 2.5k words long and this is my opening chapter

it's on a Google doc for all to see!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WBRCIpVQyTZYTOzXvRrN3yAIJOtW9Sq_U_q12i5L0Fk/edit?usp=sharing

Question

This is my fanfiction for Panic! At the disco, I'm not too sure if this is a good layout for chapter one. I also need help with figuring out if my wording makes sense to a reader since it is in 3rd perspective. 

If anyone could close read this and give me their open honest opinion that would be amazing, its 2.5k words long and this is my opening chapter

it's on a Google doc for all to see!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WBRCIpVQyTZYTOzXvRrN3yAIJOtW9Sq_U_q12i5L0Fk/edit?usp=sharing

MaxTon · Answer

I like the strong emotional scene that clearly shows Ryan’s abusive home life and builds sympathy for him. The meeting with Brendon adds intrigue. Fix some grammar, keep names consistent (Ryan/Ross), and tighten a few parts for smoother pacing.