Question

first poem in a min- (tittle)?

one moment i'm fine
I smile till my face burns
I laugh till I cant breath

Then I cry
I wonder where I went wrong
I listen to those sad songs
and wonder what if I was....

but anyways back to what I was sayingg
its a beautiful day the sun's out an I'm okay?
I'm ok as long as my stomach is full
as long as I see the world through camera lenses
everything goes cold

why am I like this
why doesnt this home feel like home
sure your all here but I feel alone
because I'm pushing you away
but wait

I'm overreacting
I'm chilling I feel warm in my space
its summer so I'll enjoy my day
I'll kick back n relax
as the sun hits my face what an interesting place

smiles up to my eyes my face is like an abstract art
my heart tears apart
yet the circles under my eyes go dark
I wanna tear my skin apart

what if I was....
nahh I'm to happy to do all that
life's ok.?