Question

The following thesis is flawed. In the box below, write a stronger thesis for the same topic.

Flawed Thesis: In this essay I am going to talk about social problems in Germany.

Answer 1

This essay will discuss a range of social problems. It will focus upon the German state.

?

Answer 2

but really, the thesis is most likely flawed because it is too general. what kind of problems: socioeconomic, cultural, racial? you can't really talk about ALL the problems in germany however, if i had to write a thesis it would be:
In this essay I will discuss a variety of social dilemas the German state faces today.

Answer 3

Also, don't ever use the first person in an essay or paper about non-personal things.

Answer 4

What Bleakz said, "In this essay I am going to talk about..." makes the thesis bad already. Just state what you're going to try to prove with your essay, then follow it up with the body. Ex: "WWII led to social problems in Germany that are still fought over today," or whatever you're talking about.

Answer 5

Is it modern Germany? Germany during the 1920s? What caused the social problems? Delete the "In this essay" and definitely do not substitute "This essay will discuss...." for it. ugh. A terrible start that reveals a lack of serious thought.