Is this a good thesis/intro? Men and women's constructions of perceptions of housework fairness has been researched for several years in order to prove a specific concept. This concept being that gender effects the division of housework in the household of married couples whether it be positive or negative. This idea is specifically geared towards married couple because of their joint contribution to the family as a whole and their connectedness in running a successful household.

Question

Is this a good thesis/intro? Men and women's constructions of perceptions of housework fairness has been researched for several years in order to prove a specific concept. This concept being that gender effects the division of housework in the household of married couples whether it be positive or negative. This idea is specifically geared towards  married couple because of their joint contribution to the family as a whole and their connectedness in running a successful household.

anonymous · Answer

Conditions such as cohabitation tend to steer from this concept because of the existence of independence between male and female partners in terms of economic situations. When it comes to the existence of social influence on the roles of genders in the household, it is typically said that the majority of household chores are completed by the female. There are however, several key factors that contribute to this assumptions and its possible validity in certain cases.

anonymous · Answer

writing this as i read it: shouldn't use "of" twice in the first sentence- it just doesn't sound right. it would be interesting if you added around how long/ how many years this has been researched. later on you end a sentence with "concept" and start the next with the same word- this also sounds unappealing to the reader. try "prove a specific concept: (describe concept here rather than break into two sentences)" man, you have a lot of double word use- "the division of housework in the household" maybe try "in the home" to break it up a bit. "due to" sounds a lot more sophisticated than "because". sorry if this is nit-picky, take or leave anything i say- just putting forth some suggestions because i'm bored and like doin this stuff :P

anonymous · Answer

There are some grammar and punctuation errors.  
It's pretty good.  But, I would add the "several key factors" you are talking about.  An introduction tells the reader what they will be reading.  They need to know what these key factors are before they read the body of your paper.  Then, talk about the key factors in separate paragraphs within the body of the paper.

Simply add them on to the end, after your last sentence.  For example:
"There are however, several key factors that contribute to this assumption and its possible validity in certain cases."  These factors include 'one', 'two', and 'three'.

Good luck!