Question

Is 'mouthed' an informal term? If yes, does anyone have any suggestions to substitute it?

Answer 1

I don't think it's particularly informal. It indicates that someone makes the shapes of the words with his/her mouth, but is not using any voice.

What's the sentence?

Answer 2

Though I couldn't comprehend anything of what she was saying, I fully felt the fury of everything she mouthed to me.

Answer 3

That works. But . . . she's mouthing in fury? That seems a little contradictory. I lack the context though. If this works in context, you're good.

Answer 4

Usually one is very very vocal in fury, and louder than is typical. That's what I meant by contradictory. "Mouthing" is usually done when there's a reason not to be heard, more like, you're whispering something to someone. See what I mean?

Answer 5

Sorry it took a while for me to understand what you were trying to say (not really good with words lol), but I think I get it now. Your reasoning makes sense. I think the person who was trying to say this tried to contradict those two words purposely. If not, it think she was trying to say it in some way but wasn't able to think of the right word that's why she used the term 'mouthed'. Any suggestions to improve the sentence?

Answer 6

On another thought, like what you said, mouthing is done when there's a reason not to be heard. The essay was trying to explain how the author was scolded in a foreign language. So she may have used the word 'mouthing' to relay to the audience that even though the teacher was scolding her in a vocal manner, to her it seemed like the teacher was mouthing because even though she can hear the teacher uttering words, since she could not understand it, it felt like the teacher was simply 'mouthing'.

Answer 7

Well, it's difficult to suggest a revision without seeing the other sentences within which this one fits. If the contrast between the fury and the voiceless mouthing is intended, then it could be fine. I'd be tempted to trim a bit to this --

Although I couldn't comprehend anything she was saying, I felt the full fury of everything she mouthed.


It may be that "comprehend" is too distancing a word here. It might be that "understand" would be better, just for the tone of the sentence. Hard to say without seeing more of the context.

Answer 8

I think your revision looks better. I can attach the file if i need to. It isn't that long. I'll take any suggestions/criticisms for the paper. :) Thanks

Answer 9

Oh, sorry, your other reply just came through for me -- I had to refresh the screen.

If that's the case, then "mouthing" is not the correct term. "Mouthing" means there is no sound, only the shape of the mouth, to indicate the words.

The author needs another term here.

Answer 10

Although I couldn't comprehend anything she was saying, I felt the full fury of every word coming from her mouth.

Although I couldn't comprehend anything she was saying, I felt the full fury of every word streaming in rapid succession from her mouth.

Answer 11

Sorry, I am having lots of trouble with this site right now! Sure, I can take a look, but I wouldn't be able to do so until later. Have to step away from the computer for a bit. Does that work for you?

Answer 12

I think it will. I am in no hurry. I will attach the document thanks!

Answer 13

Or, for more drama . . .

Although I couldn't understand anything she was saying, I felt the full fury of every word streaming in rapid succession directly from her mouth to me.

Answer 14

Your suggestions are great! It would be of great help if you can figure how to work out the kinks in this essay. I haven't taken any English/Writing class for quite a while lol, so I don't feel too confident in the revisions I had thought of. I can see quite a few sentences that can be improved, but I can't think of anyway how to improve it.

Answer 15

I've taken a quick look -- actually, this is pretty good. I'll make a few comments, maybe tweak it in a couple of places, in the morning, PST.

Answer 16

I'm attaching the essay with potential changes (changes your friend can accept or not, but ought at least to consider) and a few comments. I fixed the awkward phrasing and tried to tease out some of the implied relationships. What I've done is certainly not the only way to handle polishing the sentences. In fact, even better is for the original writer to review what I would do with it, and then make the changes that she would prefer. On the format, I don't know what style she is following, but as far as I know paragraphs are either block style (flush left margins, with a line space between paragraphs) or indented (indented margins and no additional line space). This essay mixes those styles.

Funnily enough, I left the "mouthed" sentence alone. In context and from the perspective of this six- or seven-year-old, it made perfect sense. There you go: context is everything.

Answer 17

And here's the essay, reviewed . . .

Answer 18

Thank you for this! I have found some of your changes were the ones I thought of, however I couldn't think of a way to try to revise it. Some of the things wherein you suggested some changes in structure are the few that I found awkward. I'll show this to the author and let her think about the changes that she wants to make in her essay. Many thanks again!

Answer 19

Sure thing! It's a nice little piece. She's choosing good details, and she has a keen sense, at times, of the rhythm of the sentence. The line she closes on is particularly effective. There's a writer inside that girl . . .