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OpenStudy (anonymous):

What do you guys think of this >Shards of rain sliced my pale face, leaving streaks of blood in their wake. Pain dominated my entire being, even to my very soul. I turned my head. Sean lay face-first on the ground, motionless. Using all the strength I had left, I rolled him over, just to see the bashed in skull and bloodied face of what used to be my best friend… I woke up with a start, and couldn’t help but feel perspiration pulsing out of every pore in my body. A ravenous (or broken) scream erupted from mouth, echoing in my hospital room and down the hall. I kn

OpenStudy (anonymous):

its good!

OpenStudy (anonymous):

thxs! sry it got cut off at the end

OpenStudy (anonymous):

ya lol

OpenStudy (anonymous):

it's really good

OpenStudy (anonymous):

I like the overall setup, but there are a few spots that could do with some smoothing: -"To my very soul" is a bit cliche, and you might want to change it with something about your core, innards, spine, or something that evokes images of how visceral the pain is. -I'd choose "broken" in that ravenous/broken section. It seems a bit more fitting since the narrator's been through something very traumatic. Hope this helps!

OpenStudy (anonymous):

Also, if you want to post the next part (that got cut off), feel free and I'll be more than happy to read that as well.

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