Question

I'm writing an essay on "coming of age" and I need help with my Introduction, could you please read it and tell me what you think and if I have any grammar errors?
Here is the link: ?
By the way my thesis is: We shape ourselves based on other people’s perceptions and expectations, which help us, reach maturity and become self-sufficient.

Answer 1

I'll give it a shot :]

Answer 2

ok

Answer 3

I think your thesis is very good. Your intro is well-written but is a bit wordy. Also, some of the sentences are awkward-sounding and contain some grammatical errors. Overall, the foundation is stable.

Answer 4

Could you tell me what sentences you think sound awkward or have errors?

Answer 5

Sure! I hope this is clear enough.

Sentence 2: 'Or perhaps…' sounds awkward
" 3: ',we…' should be 'We...'
" 4: 'we go through…' wordy and a bit awkward
" 5: 'we learn…' may want to restructure
" 6: 'every decision that…' eliminate 'that'
Thesis: '…expectations, which help us reach maturity and become self sufficient'

Answer 6

Thank you

Answer 7

You're welcome!